DEAR ABBY: My older sister visits me every week to play cards and chat. While I really like her dearly and luxuriate in her visits, sometimes I don’t appreciate one topic she brings up.
We’re on different ends of the political spectrum. Although I never initiate a conversation concerning the candidate she voted for within the last election, she never misses a chance to debase my alternative for a similar office. It’s distressing, and I nearly cried the last time she made a derogatory remark about him. When she doesn’t bring up politics, we now have an exquisite time. Why does she do that? Is she clueless about how much this bothers me? I’m a quiet one that doesn’t like confrontation or making others feel bad, so I generally just nod my head or listen without saying anything. I sometimes dread seeing her because I never know if she goes to bring up politics. Do you may have a polite, nonconfrontational way of constructing her stop? — OPPOSITE IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR OPPOSITE: Yes, I do: Quit nodding your head and establish some ground rules with Sissy. Tell her that you simply love her company but that the pejorative political comments must stop. Clarify that you simply want politics off the table when she visits since the subject is so upsetting, and that if she cannot comply, you shall be seeing her less often. Period! Standing up for yourself is just not being confrontational. You’re long overdue for that temporary chat. For those who cannot do that, then stop blaming her, and be prepared for more — rather more — of the identical.
DEAR ABBY: How do I keep my frugal friend from meddling? I enjoy her friendship, but our lives are usually not the identical. I married a well-to-do man, and I haven’t needed to work, although I’m still careful about what I spend, and I try to search out bargains on food, clothing, kids’ items and travel. My friend is single and she or he’s at all times finding ways to chop corners. What she doesn’t realize is that her advice becomes unwanted after some time.
An example: We went grocery shopping and, once I tried to purchase a turkey, she went on and on about how much money I could save by catching the sale at the subsequent store. If I mention that my husband and I are going out to dinner, she insists on telling me how much money I could save if I cooked more often at home. It’s countless. I even have told her in so many words I don’t need advice about money and, while I love her thriftiness, I do exactly high-quality by myself. I attempt to steer the conversations away from these subjects, however it’s hard to present her the main points of what I do without getting some retort that her way is best. I rarely ask for her advice; she just gives it. What can I say that won’t end our friendship yet will get the purpose across? — TIRED OF CLIPPING COUPONS IN OHIO
DEAR TIRED: The reply to your query could have more to do with what you don’t say than what you do. If you may have already told your friend that you simply are managing well and living inside your means, any further stop telling her all the main points of your life that need to do with shopping, travel and entertainment outside of what you do together. If that doesn’t work, then you could have to make use of the direct approach and explain that what she’s doing, even though it’s well-intentioned, bothers you and it has to stop.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.