DEAR ABBY: My partner, “Josh,” and I (we’re each male) have been together for 2 years. We met while living in LA and were fortunate to be accepted to grad schools in NYC. We’re not living together now as our schools are in numerous boroughs, but we see one another most weekends.
Recently, Josh has been attempting to make more friends, as our social network seems more heavily skewed toward people from my circles (school, past work, etc.). I benefit from living on a grad school campus with in-person classes. Ninety percent of my peers are throughout the three buildings around me. Josh’s school has more students spread around Manhattan.
I’m attempting to work out how I can support him making friends organically while not feeling like I’m ignoring him or missing out on time with him. We communicate well, and I’ve asked how I may help him, or if I should give him extra space (i.e., not come over some weekends to present him more free time to make plans with other people), but he gets upset at me not being around after I might be.
I’m undecided learn how to support his social growth. I’ve tried suggesting he join student groups, take in-person classes relatively than hybrid or online, join local events and groups, etc., but he seems resistant. What should I do? — OUT OF IDEAS IN THE BRONX
DEAR OUT OF IDEAS: You and your partner have very different personalities. It needs to be apparent that Josh likes being an element of your circle to the purpose that he doesn’t wish to construct considered one of his own. He also may feel more confident when you find yourself close by.
As much as you look after him, this means a basic incompatibility. While this may increasingly be acceptable to you now, with time it might turn into an increasingly heavy burden. Couples counseling might be useful, perhaps from an LGBTQ community center or a student sanatorium in your campus, to enable you each thrash this out. From where I sit, it appears you might be already doing as much to support Josh as you possibly can.
DEAR ABBY: I’m dating a man I might be formally engaged to soon. My problem is I’m my mother’s caregiver, and it’s not a simple task. I really like her and would do all of it another time; nonetheless, I hope never to have to do it again. My soon-to-be fiance has several medical issues, and I don’t wish to find yourself being HIS caregiver. I do know something could just as well occur to me, but I’m very afraid of this. Please advise. — GIVING TOO MUCH IN MISSOURI
DEAR GIVING: What would you do in case your boyfriend were to turn into seriously unwell and in need of care tomorrow? Would you run for the hills? While marriage carries a stronger obligation, if you happen to love one another, would either of you finish the connection to avoid the responsibility? There aren’t any guarantees in life. We take the bitter with the sweet. I understand caregiver burnout, which is what I believe is your problem, but please don’t turn into engaged until you will have worked this out.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.