DEAR ABBY: With no discussion, my husband decided to retire two years ago. He said he would just take Social Security and we’d be superb. He did not keep in mind that he was underage for Medicare, and all of his dental and medical bills would grow to be my responsibility since I’m still working. Luckily, I convinced him to go away SS alone, and to roll his 401(k) into an IRA.
There have been bumps. He spent several months sitting all day long unless I asked him to do something specific. I finally put my foot down, and he’s now liable for evening meals, cleanup and laundry. Unfortunately, he does little beyond that. Most of our conversations begin with, “I watched a video today …”
Abby, I even have been working since I used to be 13, and I’m uninterested in working, too. I find myself offended and jealous of my husband’s laziness. I even have began eating and drinking greater than I used to, and we’ve no sex life. I don’t have any energy to garden, exit after work or do anything on the weekends.
Any ideas about easy methods to rid myself of the jealousy? I feel if I could do this, I’d begin to feel higher concerning the rest. — WORKING GIRL IN TEXAS
DEAR WORKING GIRL: Although you discover your problem as “jealousy,” I’m unsure that’s what I’d call it. Some classic symptoms of depression are ones that you simply listed in your letter — exhaustion, losing interest in stuff you used to enjoy, lack of energy, overeating, drinking, etc.
It’s time to seek the advice of your doctor about these symptoms, in addition to the incontrovertible fact that you’ve gotten now been forced to hold more responsibility in your marriage. You might need counseling or medication, and your doctor can refer you to someone who can provide them.
It also wouldn’t hurt to encourage your husband to get out of the home and exercise his brain and skills by volunteering in the neighborhood. If nothing else, it will enable him to bring more interesting dialogue into your conversations. Exposure to individuals with other interests and opinions could stimulate him, and also you.
DEAR ABBY: I would like advice about people who find themselves dishonest. I even have been to several baseball games and wrestling events where people paid for lower-priced seats but then sat within the dearer seats. I do know I shouldn’t let it trouble me. Nevertheless, I feel that is unfair.
I need to say something to the staff, but I don’t need to be “that” one who causes trouble. When my boyfriend and I purchase the cheaper seats, that’s where we sit. It’s the best thing to do. How do I stop letting the actions of others disturb me? — HONEST IN WISCONSIN
DEAR HONEST: I heard a line in a play years ago that stuck with me. It was written by Voltaire, and it goes, “Cultivate your individual gardens.” To me, it means concentrate less on what others are doing and more on the standards by which I live my very own life.
You’ve every right to be disgusted once you see people cheating. But allowing it to grow to be a preoccupation is a distraction, and it only lessens your individual good time. (Cross your fingers and hope the oldsters who bought those seats show up and embarrass the cheaters.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.