DEAR ABBY: I’m writing on behalf of my partner of greater than 10 years. He has three daughters ages 23, 20 and 16. While he’s near two of them, his youngest distances herself when she doesn’t get what she wants or disagrees together with his standpoint on something.
Eight months ago, she stopped talking to him because he badmouthed a boy band she likes. He essentially said they weren’t definitely worth the money when she asked him to purchase her a ticket to their concert. He was going to appease her, but her response was so strong, she didn’t give him a likelihood to let her know he was going to purchase the ticket anyway.
Her mother doesn’t encourage the connection or support the importance of her having her father in her life or regular visitation, even though it’s court-ordered. He tried making contact along with her several times when this last episode happened, but she ignored his calls and messages. Now that her birthday is coming up, nevertheless, she had her older sister send her wish list to him via a text message. Should he buy gifts for a toddler who has ignored him for the higher a part of a 12 months? — GIFTS OR NO GIFTS
DEAR G.O.N.G.: In case your partner’s daughter wants something from Dad for her birthday, she should ask him directly and never telegraph the message through her sister. Your partner should do what he desires to do about her behavior. You and I understand how we’d handle this, but we will not be him and we will not be emotionally involved. Stay out of the road of fireplace.
DEAR ABBY: With no warning, my mother-in-law packed up and left my father-in-law. From what she tells me, he was verbally and emotionally abusive, and all-around controlling. My father-in-law is remarrying. He met his fiancee shortly after my MIL left.
I don’t think I mind that he’s getting remarried, but I do mind that nobody has told my husband’s mother. FIL won’t tell her, and my husband won’t either. She has said she “doesn’t need to know anything” that’s occurring with my FIL. Not only does she not know, but neither does my husband’s brother. My brother-in-law despises his father.
My husband’s clan shall be attending the marriage. I actually have immense guilt about going. I feel like I’m betraying my MIL, with whom I actually have a superb relationship. My husband wants me to attend because he needs the support. If I had it my way, I wouldn’t go. I’ve never had a fantastic relationship with my FIL, and he doesn’t appear to have modified, regardless that he’s with someone latest. Any advice? — IN A TOUGH SPOT IN IOWA
DEAR TOUGH SPOT: Your former mother-in-law made clear that she doesn’t need to know what’s occurring along with your father-in-law, so keep your mouth shut and don’t change into the town crier. Because your husband says he needs your support on that occasion, go along with him and offer “good wishes” to the pleased couple. (From what you have got written, they will need them.) When your husband’s mother finds out concerning the marriage — and, after all, she is going to — remind her that she told you she didn’t wish to be kept informed, so that you respected her wishes.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.