DEAR ABBY: I’m in love with a person I met online. We now have been together three years, and I would like us to start out talking about our future. He has never been married, but he has been in long-term relationships before.
When could be a superb time to debate this with my boyfriend? How would I approach this discussion? Is there the rest we could do like have a commitment ceremony? He’s afraid of being hurt, which is comprehensible. His ex used him and led him on for eight years. She would say she loved him but never spent any time with him. She’d also go on trips with other men and wouldn’t invite him. I feel horrible that he was treated that way. What can I do to point out him I’m not her, and that I’m here for the long haul?
I actually have asked him to marry me twice. I’m having cosmetic surgery next month, and I told him that after I’m healed I’m going to ask him over again. I’m excited but scared at the identical time because I’m afraid he’s going to let his fear get the very best of him. How can I put his mind comfy? He’s amazing. He has turned my entire life around, and he’s the one I would like to spend my life with. He truly is my one and only. — NERVOUS IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR NERVOUS: This man’s previous girlfriend can have led him on for eight years, but he allowed it. After three years with you, he should know what type of person you’re — the drawbacks in addition to your singular attributes. Please don’t allow him to do to you what she did to him, which is take up your precious time with no intention of constructing your relationship everlasting.
I see no reason to attend until after your cosmetic surgery unless you’re counting on him to care for you during recovery. As I see it, you’ve gotten two selections: Tell him you wish a commitment and be prepared for him to run, or tolerate the established order. If he loves you as much as you like him, he shouldn’t run away from the thought of spending his life with you. If he does run, you’re higher off without him.
DEAR ABBY: I gave a newlywed couple a picnic basket crammed with every part you would want for a picnic, including a quilt I had made for them to rejoice their wedding. My husband delivered it to the brand new husband, and when asked what it was, my husband replied that it was something for him.
Well, I actually have heard nothing more in regards to the gift, especially the quilt! I don’t think the young man ever opened the basket. I did mention something to the wife once about what was contained in the basket, and her expression was blank. It has been over a yr. Should I ignore it or be daring and ask? — GIFT-GIVER IN NEW YORK
DEAR GIFT-GIVER: Be daring and ask. If the wife looked blank, it was probably because she knew nothing in regards to the gift your husband had told her husband was for “him” as an alternative of for “them.”
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.