Bram Stoker wrote “Dracula” 126 years ago — by some means, Hollywood remains to be screwing it up.
There have already been two Dreck-ulas in 2023. Back in April got here the unfunny “Renfield,” starring Nicolas Cage because the count and Nicholas Hoult as his mistreated assistant.
And now, as if we haven’t been bitten enough already, here’s the brand new horror film “The Last Voyage of the Demeter,” in regards to the vamp’s not-so-pleasurable cruise to England.
Running time: 118 minutes. Rated R (bloody violence). In theaters August 11.
As all the time, Dracula sucks blood. But his latest movie simply sucks.
Director André Øvredal’s choppy film relies — as loosely as possible — on the captain’s log from Stoker’s 1897 novel, in regards to the doomed watery journey from Bulgaria to Whitby.
The project languished in development hell for years, and you could have to wonder why a lot effort and time went into it.
Anybody with a kindergarten diploma knows that the experience of watching Dracula steadily kill one sailor after one other in the exact same way aboard a medium-sized vessel with only a number of rooms would develop into mind-numbingly boring.
And, oh, has it ever. Øvredal attempts to beat the dearth of an engrossing plot by upping the gore, which has worked wonders for the “Evil Dead” movies. But there’s no creativity or artfulness to this violence. The occasional bashed skull earns a “so what?”
Nothing about “Demeter” is frightening, really, despite the million “he’s behind you!” jump-scares liberally tossed in.
The filmmakers also try to spice up the fear factor by turning Dracula (Javier Botet) into an unclothed Gollum-like creature with gray skin and bat wings (the Netflix series “Midnight Mass” did this in a much smarter way).
At first glance, we expect he’s a dangerous mythical animal, akin to the Mothman. But then he whispers 4 words in English. So, one can only conclude that he’s an unpleasant, soft-spoken, cannibal nudist.
I’m not saying make him Grandpa Munster, but Dracula could be more compelling and bone-chilling as a totally realized character.
The seafarers that Batboy torments by night include Dr. Clemens (Corey Hawkins), stowaway Anna (Aisling Franciosi), Captain Elliot (Liam Cunningham) and first offer Wojcheck (David Dastmalchian).
Each has a tiny motivation for being there. Clemens is a good guy who desires to earn a buck; the captain plans to retire to the coast after this crossing; Wojcheck will finally inherit the Demeter; Joseph the chef (Jon Jon Briones) thinks that is punishment from God; and Anna is an old pal of Drac’s.
The actors do what they’ll, playing cinematic stick figures. Cunningham comes off best because he brings the identical moral authority that he did to Davos on “Game of Thrones.”
The forged’s overall hollowness is essentially the fault of Bragi Schut Jr. and Zak Olkewicz’s script — the characters’ blase attitude while in peril is confounding. We’re two thirds through the movie and several other deaths in before someone decides they need to find the monster responsible.
Um, yeah!
Firstly of the movie, the Demeter is shown destroyed and washed ashore in England. So there’s, not less than, some solace in knowing that “The Last Voyage” is really the last voyage.