After being a subject of social media conversations for months, Ashanti sat down for a candid conversation with radio journalist Angie Martinez on her IRL podcast. The Grammy award-winning singer could have gone anywhere — most popular culture outlets were salivating for the exclusive. But she selected Martinez and, in doing so, set the tone for what was a much-needed moment for Black women and for hip-hop.
Back in August, Murder Inc. founder and CEO Irv Gotti went on a press run to advertise the discharge of the BET’s The Murder Inc Story, which chronicled the rise and fall of the storied record label. Nevertheless, Gotti looked as if it would use the chance to talk as much about his past relationship with Ashanti because the show itself. And because the series unfolded, it became clear he still had an incredible deal of animosity toward the girl he once dubbed “the princess of R&B.”
Yet, while Gotti kept talking, Ashanti remained silent. To be fair, this wasn’t latest. Ashanti has at all times been private and intentional about setting boundaries round her life. If she desired to air her grievances with Gotti, she could have done so years ago. “There are such a lot of things that I do know. [But] I don’t have the will to show certain things. I operate at a special vibration than him,” Ashanti told Martinez.
Despite being lied on, Ashanti selected to take the high road — the personification of former first lady Michelle Obama’s famous mantra, “Once they go low, we go high.” And yet, there comes a time when silence is not any longer an option and speaking out doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve stooped to the extent of trolls.
“I’ve been hurt lots, and I’m not intentionally attempting to disrespect people and exit of my solution to attempt to destroy any individual,” she explained.
In a world where Black women are continuously maligned, few popular media spaces exist to present us the room to inform our stories safely. A lot of them would have jumped at the possibility to interview Ashanti — too lots of them had already given Gotti the space to be reckless. But while they’d have given her the possibility to inform her side, they wouldn’t have provided the empathy and care she needed. Ashanti got that from Martinez and that’s exactly what happens when women are intentionally protected spaces for one another.
The interview allowed Ashanti to elucidate her years of silence. In Ashanti’s words, she doesn’t “play within the mud.” She’d done the work of healing from mistakes she’d made in her past — trusting the incorrect people, holding onto her naivete, and allowing disrespect — and is committed to operating at higher vibration as a 42-year-old woman than she did 20 years ago. The reality is Ashanti never had to talk about her time on Murder Inc. and her dealings with Gotti because she’d already had the difficult conversations with herself and people are the one ones that basically matter.
There have been a number of times, though, where it seemed Ashanti was more reserved than we might need wanted her to be. At several points, she stopped herself from saying more. Even on this moment, she offered Gotti a grace he didn’t deserve. And while she refuted Gotti’s claims that he “made” her, at several points Ashanti credited him for helping to push her profession to the subsequent level.
“I definitely had a real love for Irv because he 100% helped to alter my life. I had among the most amazing times writing records, touring, making history, having chemistry with any individual to write down these records with, you recognize, being a female in hip-hop and R&B, it was like an ideal fit,” she said.
A part of me wondered if she did that because, as a Black woman, she had no selection. If she matched his energy, the conversation would have turn into about her bitterness and someway justified his behavior. As Black women, we all know this and infrequently tread evenly once we tell the reality.
However the gift of this interview really is that Ashanti shows women that standing in our power is affirming our own agency — doing whatever is best for us to live as our highest selves. And, in doing so, we light the best way for others who need somewhat nudge toward wholeness. Within the midst of ugliness, we get to be strong. We get to be brave and, though it might be scary, we have now nothing to fear when the reality is on our side.
And Ashanti told the reality. She courageously spoke to the verbal and emotional abuse she experienced by the hands of somebody who she trusted. She didn’t mince words when she talked concerning the ways her boss would control and manipulate points of her profession just because she was in love with another person and didn’t wish to be with him.
“It was scary because I understood that he had power,” Ashanti said. “With Irv being the pinnacle of the label and providing all of those amazing opportunities. When an individual gets in that position of flex[ing] their power — it does turn into scary.”
In telling her story, Ashanti shared what so many ladies in hip-hop face. Whether or not they’re artists, executives, media personalities, stylists or support staff, women have detailed the sexism and coercive tactics they’ve experienced that makes it often inconceivable to work. The not-so-hidden secret is how so many ladies are placed in manipulative situations where they’re left with few viable options in the event that they wish to keep their careers.
What are you alleged to do when your boss believes he has a certain level of ownership over you? How, in your early 20s, do you respond when he says the one reason you’re desirable is because he made you that way? What are you able to do when it’s worthwhile to finish your album however the CEO has barred you from the studio since you found love and it wasn’t with him? Why do women appear to at all times have to search out the answers to those questions?
Ashanti shouldn’t be the one woman to be hurt by a narcissistic, controlling man. She’s not the one woman who’s needed to commit to years of therapy and self-discovery to heal from their time together. And she or he’s not the one woman who has needed to endure the pain of that man’s actions when he is not any longer on top of things. But when Ashanti — with all her wealth, status and influence — couldn’t escape it, what does that say about women with fewer resources?
There’s no way around it. Black women need Black men to be more accountable for the harm they cause. Which means men standing up to one another and calling out foolishness when it happens. Which means disassociating from those that do harm — regardless of how wealthy, famous or popular — until they make the commitment to being and doing higher. Which means loving us fully — the sort of love that costs something.
Because, while it’s freeing and mandatory to face in the ability of our truth, what good is it if the people and communities we hold dear keep living a lie? By telling her story, Ashanti reminded others that she, and he or she alone, is the keeper of her power. Possibly now others will step forward to reclaim their very own.