DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married for a bit of greater than 12 years. My wife and I even have one child. Unfortunately, like quite a lot of relationships, we’ve been stuck in a rough patch for some time now. I learned that she was having an affair just a few years ago, which rocked me to the core. I recognized there have been cracks forming early on, but, admittedly, I didn’t do enough to attempt to fix them. I ultimately decided to forgive her, and we now have tried our greatest to place things back together.
Last yr, I met someone through work with whom I connected on an incredibly deep level, and I discovered myself to be genuinely joyful in a way I hadn’t been for ages. It led to an affair that has been occurring for a yr. This woman desperately wants us to have a life together, as do I, but I’m afraid of what it would do to my child.
Walking away from my long marriage, even with all the things that has happened, is difficult to fathom, as is the considered destroying my child’s sense of family and stability. I don’t wish to hurt either person, but I’m at a loss as to what to do. — FAILED HUSBAND IN THE EAST
DEAR FAILED HUSBAND: Have you ever had a heart-to-heart talk along with your wife about what you each want? When you haven’t, you need to. IF you want to to proceed your marriage, start working with a licensed marriage and family therapist now. Your reason for not wanting to interrupt up the family is rational because there may be a 3rd person involved, and I’m not talking about your girlfriend. Nevertheless, if a pair shouldn’t be joyful, it isn’t a healthy atmosphere for a toddler to grow up in.
DEAR ABBY: How do you tell a loved one which they’ve bad hygiene (corresponding to body odor and bad breath)? For essentially the most part, my ex-husband raised my now-adult son. My ex may be very clean, so I’m undecided why my son shouldn’t be. It isn’t a medical issue, and it isn’t sweat from exercise, it’s just body odor.
My son and a few his friends appear to have lower standards on this area than is socially acceptable. The remainder of his friends have what can be considered normal hygiene. I’m nervous because this might affect his profession and love life. Is there a solution to approach it without hurting his feelings, or should I just let him stink and say nothing? — WASHING UP IN WASHINGTON
DEAR WASHING UP: Tell your adult son that you might have noticed his body odor, that it’s unpleasant and that you simply are concerned about it. You didn’t mention how old he’s, or whether he has a health care provider or a dentist, but everyone should get an annual physical and a semiannual dental wellness checkup.
Although you say your son’s problem isn’t a medical issue, there are any number of great ailments that may cause body odor and bad breath. If he checks out medically and all he really needs is to shower and brush his teeth on a more regular basis, tell him point blank. And when you’re at it, tell him his social and work lives may very well be negatively impacted if he doesn’t clean up his act. That is what moms do, so start now.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also generally known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.