Forget the “big reveals” within the Season 5 finale of “Virgin River.”
Whatever. I won’t spoil anything. You possibly can watch the season-ender and suss all of it out.
The true shocker is that annoying Charmaine (Lauren Hammersley) is still carrying those twins after 4 seasons (and 4 years in real time). It’s the longest live-action pregnancy in TV history yet nobody within the pristine, picture-postcard world of “Virgin River” (or its writers) bats an eyelash. WTF?
I get that this can be a fictional TV universe, but does time really stand that still in Virgin River, where it’s supposedly only nine months (or less) for the reason that series premiered in 2019? C’mon, people. Now it’s just getting silly vis-à-vis Charmaine — though I suppose “silly” is relative on this Hallmark-greeting-card world, where criminality lurks beneath the surface but is buffed away by smiles, some gosh-darn-homey community spirit (“Let’s make a quilt!”) and a touch of one-dimensional drama embodied by central-casting actors.
Wait … time for an additional beautiful sunset shot!
Apologies to “Seinfeld,” however it’s not that there’s anything mistaken with the polished veneer of “Virgin River,” set in a woody, distant (did I say “quaint?”) Northern California town (the series is definitely shot in British Columbia, but close enough). I’ve been watching “VR” since its premiere for just those qualities — its unthreatening, you-can-see-it-coming-a-mile-away storylines and comfort-food predictability. That’s what makes it fun and addictive in that “Law & Order”-kind of way: you understand what you’re going to get, and also you’re OK with that. The rest would throw the show’s world off-kilter. And who wants that? (Though I can’t help considering there’s a sinister “Black Mirror” episode to be spun off from the “Virgin River” canon — now that can be interesting. Evil Muriel? I’m all in.)
The Netflix series revolves around LA nurse practitioner Melinda “Mel” Monroe (Alexandra Breckenridge) who lands-cute on the town, decides to remain, and three … 2 … 1 … falls in love with rugged Jack Sheridan (Martin Henderson), a moody ex-Marine with requisite stubble who runs the local bar/restaurant on the banks of the Virgin River and speaks softly in that hoarse, sensitive-guy whisper. There’s just one problem: Jack was involved with the aforementioned Charmaine in a long-term relationship, and she or he informs him, within the Season 1 finale — after he’s fallen in love with Mel, natch — that she’s carrying his twin boys.
Shut the front door!
Over the following several seasons … follow the bouncing soap bar here … Jack not only survives a gunshot murder attempt, but he involves terms with Charmaine’s pregnancy and, in actual fact, relishes the concept of getting twin boys, while Mel stews quietly in Charmaine’s (greater and larger) shadow.
Imagine Jack’s surprise when, within the Season 4 finale, Charmaine, still proudly carrying those twins, tells him that he’s not the daddy — and that her pregnancy is a product of a one-night stand … just as Mel learns that she’s pregnant with … wait for it … Jack’s baby girl. All together now a la Chandler Bing: “Can this guy be put through any more drama?” Answer: watch Season 5.
And, by the way, Jack, Mel and Charmaine are only a part of the “Virgin River” fabric. The town seems to draw a criminal element, which isn’t excellent news for its sunny denizens who’re blissfully unaware of the drug dealing and dash of murder lurking beneath its plastic facade.
So, here’s hoping that avuncular Doc Mullins’ (Tim Matheson) eyesight won’t get any worse, or that his frenetic, piece-of-work wife, Hope (Annette O’Toole), will proceed recovering from her traumatic brain injury (the “TBI” to which she continually refers).
Here’s hoping that Brady (Ben Hollingsworth), Jack’s ne’er-do-well, dim-bulb Marine comrade, will finally get his act together after screwing things up with Jack’s sister, LA lawyer Brie (Zibby Allen). I’m pulling for Jack’s business partner/Marine buddy Preacher (Colin Lawrence) to finally find true love after some suits and starts with Paige, whose abusive husband, Wes, he buried within the woods after Paige by accident killed him in Season 1 (it’s gone unmentioned for the past three seasons).
And here’s to the women’ knitting circle at Jack’s Bar — Muriel, Connie, Jo Ellen and Lydie. May they proceed to gossip in regards to the townspeople (and about one another, in fact).
“Virgin River” will return for 2 holiday episodes premiering Nov. 30, followed by a sixth season next 12 months (provided the Hollywood strikes end in our lifetime).
If Charmaine doesn’t have the twins by then, I’m personally calling Doc Mullins and chewing him out. He should know higher.
