What the actual phub???
While gazing at the celebrities and soaking in the great thing about the late summer’s night sky in September 2019, Heather Cox looked adoringly over at her husband, Wes, hoping to romantically lock eyes beneath the blanket of twinkling celestial bodies.
But relatively than sharing within the idyllic moment, an entranced Wes was busy gawking at a unique glow — the sunshine from his phone.
“I used to be like, ‘That’s it! I cannot take this [phone obsession] anymore!’” Cox, 38, a mom of three and social media strategist from Wilmington, Del., told The Post.
She forced Wes, a cyber security specialist, to place his phone down and have an heart-to-heart chat about his obsession.
“I said, ‘You’re all the time on his phone, working or scrolling on social media,’” she explained. “‘It I might be really disheartening and hurtful after I’m attempting to connect with you.’”
Being “phubbed,” or “phubbing” — is a trending term that mixes “phone” and “snub.” It’s the all too common act of ignoring a romantic partner while being glued to a cellular device. Some are saying enough.
“Nobody desires to be phubbed,” Cox told The Post. “It ruins communication and drives a wedge between two individuals who love one another.”
A May 2023 study conducted by researchers on the Niğde Ömer Halisdemir University in Turkey found that phubbing is “a problematic behavior that may harm each the phubber and the phubbee,” and “significantly and negatively [predicts] marital satisfaction.”
A July 2022 evaluation on the damaging trend from the University of Münster in Germany reported that phubbing “triggers negative mood and feelings of ostracism, and threatens fundamental needs [of both partners].”
Online — where the #phubbing hashtag has scared up over a million TikTok views — victims of the behavior are virally venting about its hurtful impact.
“After I’m talking to you, and you’re [scrolling or texting] in your phone, that tells me I’m not vital to you,” griped a brunette named Ginnymae, from Arizona, in a video reprimand. She likened being phubbed to getting slapped within the face.
“Start being present,” she said, “you’ll have higher relationships.”
An equally outraged detractor, who’s known virtually as @JennieOfAllTrades, also chastised phubbing perpetrators. “Are you going to be laying in your deathbed, wishing that you simply had more time along with your phone?” she said in a post.
“When your marriage fails because any individual didn’t need to are available second place to a f – – king [phone] screen, don’t cry about it,” she continued.
But Manhattan relationship expert Susan Winter tells The Post that marriages stricken by phubbing aren’t necessarily headed for imminent destruction.
“A phone fixation doesn’t mean that the connection is doomed,” said Winter, who’s counseled greater than 5,000 couples over the past twenty years. “The actual issue of concern is whether or not your partner is willing and in a position to amend their behavior to make you are feeling secure, secure and wanted.”
To handle the problem head-on, Winter suggests having an open and honest discussion along with your spouse in regards to the effects of their phubbing — very like Cox did together with her hooked hubby.
“Get clear on what you would like. Explain the ‘why’ portion of your request,” said the authority. “When our partner understands why we would like [something] and why it’s meaningful to us, they’re more willing to comply.”
She continued, “You may as well highlight the proven fact that this behavioral change that eliminates nagging and arguments. You’ll each be in a greater mood, and the connection will develop into more harmonious and fun,” said Winter.
Cox has turned her anti-phubbing crusade right into a lighthearted thrill.
After catching Wes fall back into his old, phone-absorbed ways, the fed-up wife created a reusable adhesive sticker called the “Phone Phlag,” which she slaps onto his screen anytime he becomes spellbound by his cell.
“I throw it on his screen and say, ‘That’s it, you’re flagged. You’re cut off,’” said Cox, who has a background in graphic design. She handcrafted a prototype in October 2019, and commenced selling the stickers internationally for $9.99 via Etsy in early 2020.
“I’m an issue solver,” Cox said, adding that she and Wes have also agreed to abstain from phone use during family dinners, date nights and bedtime.
The constraints on screen time, namely her “Phlag,” appear to be working.
“He laughs after I flag his phone,” said Cox. “It startles him, but now he’s paying higher attention.”
