DEAR ABBY: Almost 4 years ago, I married a friend I had known since 1989. She was a widow, and we unexpectedly fell in love. The primary three years, she spoke always about her late husband. I lovingly and quietly told her just a few times that I didn’t think she’d prefer it if I discussed my late wife and former women friends so often. It continued. I can’t stand hearing his name anymore. It makes me feel ranked way down so as of importance, after her 4 kids, her dead husband and herself. Over the past six months or so, she finally got it and not mentions him, but I’m still upset knowing I’m number seven on her list. Will I ever have the ability to recover from this? She found a note months ago wherein I described my feelings on this, and in it I discussed I didn’t need to be married to her anymore. Any advice could be appreciated. — UNIMPORTANT IN FLORIDA
DEAR UNIMPORTANT: The lady you married has quite a lot of history, as I’m sure you do. It’s not unheard of for somebody to say the name of their departed spouse years later, but your wife was insensitive to proceed doing so after you told her it made you uncomfortable. If her relationship along with her adult children gets in the way in which of her relationship with you, it ought to be discussed during marriage counseling. Should you truly feel you’re last on her list of priorities, you have got to determine if you ought to end the wedding or whether, if you wrote that note, you were simply blowing off steam.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a 32-year-old mom of 4 (11-month-old twins, a 4-year-old and a 6-year-old). I’ve been married for six years. I’m a Southern girl, but my husband is an immigrant to this country. When he emigrated, he settled within the North. I even have all the time told him before and through our marriage that I don’t just like the North. I need to maneuver somewhere down south or a minimum of the center of the country. We’re currently within the means of house-hunting, and he keeps showing me homes within the North, despite the fact that he knows I don’t need to live here. I understand that he loves our stability here and the chums we’ve made over time, but now we have a lot flexibility with our jobs that we are able to move to someplace we each love. Recently, he said I could go and live within the South if I need to — alone. So now I’m wondering, should I break up our family and take him at his word, or keep talking to him about it until I get his OK? — NEGATIVE ON THE NORTH
DEAR NEGATIVE: Base the choice about where to live less on geography and more on where your kids can get the very best education and where the associated fee of living is cheaper. That your husband has informed you (4 kids later) that he has no intention of compromising is regrettable. Because you are feeling so strongly about returning to your roots, you might have the ability to do it once the youngsters are grown. I don’t think it’s value breaking up a wedding over — unless that is your husband’s way of addressing every disagreement.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also generally known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: Almost 4 years ago, I married a friend I had known since 1989. She was a widow, and we unexpectedly fell in love. The primary three years, she spoke always about her late husband. I lovingly and quietly told her just a few times that I didn’t think she’d prefer it if I discussed my late wife and former women friends so often. It continued. I can’t stand hearing his name anymore. It makes me feel ranked way down so as of importance, after her 4 kids, her dead husband and herself. Over the past six months or so, she finally got it and not mentions him, but I’m still upset knowing I’m number seven on her list. Will I ever have the ability to recover from this? She found a note months ago wherein I described my feelings on this, and in it I discussed I didn’t need to be married to her anymore. Any advice could be appreciated. — UNIMPORTANT IN FLORIDA
DEAR UNIMPORTANT: The lady you married has quite a lot of history, as I’m sure you do. It’s not unheard of for somebody to say the name of their departed spouse years later, but your wife was insensitive to proceed doing so after you told her it made you uncomfortable. If her relationship along with her adult children gets in the way in which of her relationship with you, it ought to be discussed during marriage counseling. Should you truly feel you’re last on her list of priorities, you have got to determine if you ought to end the wedding or whether, if you wrote that note, you were simply blowing off steam.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a 32-year-old mom of 4 (11-month-old twins, a 4-year-old and a 6-year-old). I’ve been married for six years. I’m a Southern girl, but my husband is an immigrant to this country. When he emigrated, he settled within the North. I even have all the time told him before and through our marriage that I don’t just like the North. I need to maneuver somewhere down south or a minimum of the center of the country. We’re currently within the means of house-hunting, and he keeps showing me homes within the North, despite the fact that he knows I don’t need to live here. I understand that he loves our stability here and the chums we’ve made over time, but now we have a lot flexibility with our jobs that we are able to move to someplace we each love. Recently, he said I could go and live within the South if I need to — alone. So now I’m wondering, should I break up our family and take him at his word, or keep talking to him about it until I get his OK? — NEGATIVE ON THE NORTH
DEAR NEGATIVE: Base the choice about where to live less on geography and more on where your kids can get the very best education and where the associated fee of living is cheaper. That your husband has informed you (4 kids later) that he has no intention of compromising is regrettable. Because you are feeling so strongly about returning to your roots, you might have the ability to do it once the youngsters are grown. I don’t think it’s value breaking up a wedding over — unless that is your husband’s way of addressing every disagreement.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also generally known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
