DEAR ABBY: I actually have been married for 22 years. It was a traditional relationship, and I used to be very pleased. Nevertheless, over the past 12 years, my wife has modified. There may be ZERO affection, no hugging, holding hands, and nothing sexual.
We’re like roommates. She blames it on having been molested when she was a toddler. Our level of intimacy was normal for 10 years.
I actually have suggested counseling, but she refuses. Bottom line: Should I stay, or should I’m going? I’m 64 years old, and that is my second marriage. I don’t want to begin over. — STARVED IN INDIANA
DEAR STARVED: Ask your wife if she ever received counseling after she was molested. If she did, she needs more.
Nevertheless, if she didn’t, then it’s time to elucidate to her that for the last 12 years, she has starved you of affection and human contact, and you don’t intend to live the remainder of your life this fashion. Then offer her a alternative: counseling to deal together with her issue or a divorce. Chances are you’ll not want to begin over, but you will have to.
DEAR ABBY: I brought my dad with dementia into my home. My husband has heart issues. We’re all at one another’s throats on a regular basis. My siblings promised they might help deal with our dad, but they haven’t helped much in any respect.
Every infrequently they might take him for a pair hours, but then he’s right back. Don’t get me fallacious, I like my dad. But we actually could use more help, though I feel guilty asking for it. Am I speculated to feel this fashion? I mean, they’re his children, too. — OBLIGATED IN KENTUCKY
DEAR OBLIGATED: I hope you realize you will have brought this example on yourself, and it’s as much as you to do something about it. You said you’re feeling guilty asking your siblings for more help caring for your father.
Lose that guilty feeling! They are his children, too, but they aren’t mind readers. Tell them what you wish, and whether it is more time to yourself and your sick husband, don’t be bashful about saying so.
DEAR ABBY: My husband bought me a lovely diamond ring for our thirty fifth anniversary. People often ask how much it costs and why we’d spend that. I do know I don’t have to elucidate myself, and I attempt to be polite.
We each work, are debt-free, and don’t trouble anyone. What’s the correct method to reply to questions like this? — DIAMOND GAL IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR DIAMOND GAL: You’re correct. You usually are not obligated to disclose personal financial information, so stop doing it. There’s no end to the non-public questions people ask as of late. If someone inquires about how much your ring cost or why you’d spend that amount of cash, simply respond, “You understand, that’s a really personal query, and I’m really not comfortable with it.” Then change the topic.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: I actually have been married for 22 years. It was a traditional relationship, and I used to be very pleased. Nevertheless, over the past 12 years, my wife has modified. There may be ZERO affection, no hugging, holding hands, and nothing sexual.
We’re like roommates. She blames it on having been molested when she was a toddler. Our level of intimacy was normal for 10 years.
I actually have suggested counseling, but she refuses. Bottom line: Should I stay, or should I’m going? I’m 64 years old, and that is my second marriage. I don’t want to begin over. — STARVED IN INDIANA
DEAR STARVED: Ask your wife if she ever received counseling after she was molested. If she did, she needs more.
Nevertheless, if she didn’t, then it’s time to elucidate to her that for the last 12 years, she has starved you of affection and human contact, and you don’t intend to live the remainder of your life this fashion. Then offer her a alternative: counseling to deal together with her issue or a divorce. Chances are you’ll not want to begin over, but you will have to.
DEAR ABBY: I brought my dad with dementia into my home. My husband has heart issues. We’re all at one another’s throats on a regular basis. My siblings promised they might help deal with our dad, but they haven’t helped much in any respect.
Every infrequently they might take him for a pair hours, but then he’s right back. Don’t get me fallacious, I like my dad. But we actually could use more help, though I feel guilty asking for it. Am I speculated to feel this fashion? I mean, they’re his children, too. — OBLIGATED IN KENTUCKY
DEAR OBLIGATED: I hope you realize you will have brought this example on yourself, and it’s as much as you to do something about it. You said you’re feeling guilty asking your siblings for more help caring for your father.
Lose that guilty feeling! They are his children, too, but they aren’t mind readers. Tell them what you wish, and whether it is more time to yourself and your sick husband, don’t be bashful about saying so.
DEAR ABBY: My husband bought me a lovely diamond ring for our thirty fifth anniversary. People often ask how much it costs and why we’d spend that. I do know I don’t have to elucidate myself, and I attempt to be polite.
We each work, are debt-free, and don’t trouble anyone. What’s the correct method to reply to questions like this? — DIAMOND GAL IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR DIAMOND GAL: You’re correct. You usually are not obligated to disclose personal financial information, so stop doing it. There’s no end to the non-public questions people ask as of late. If someone inquires about how much your ring cost or why you’d spend that amount of cash, simply respond, “You understand, that’s a really personal query, and I’m really not comfortable with it.” Then change the topic.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
