DEAR ABBY: My dear friend “Lana” and her husband each passed away some time back. Recently, my son confided that he and Lana’s daughter had an affair years ago that resulted in a toddler. All of us grew up close and regarded ourselves as related although we weren’t. Lana’s daughter married someone and passed the kid off as her husband’s. I never noticed how much that young man resembles my son before. I at all times called him one in every of my grandsons in an unofficial capability. He’s grown and married now.
Since I learned that he’s my biological grandson, I even have ached to acknowledge our relationship. But I don’t need to rock the boat and disrupt the family dynamic, let alone break my son’s trust. Should I take this secret to my grave? In any case, he already calls me “Nana.” — REAL TRUTH IN THE SOUTHWEST
DEAR REAL TRUTH: Do nothing without first talking about this along with your son. Due to the popularity of DNA testing in recent times, your grandson may discover on his own that the person he was raised to imagine is his father shouldn’t be. This type of revelation will be devastating to some individuals. The news could be higher coming out of your son than from you.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of three years works six days every week with Sundays off. For the last six weeks, my calls have gone unanswered from Saturday evening through Monday morning. He’d provide a lame excuse, apologize for the “missed” calls, and the subsequent weekend, the identical thing would occur. Long story short, he was spending time in a drug house on the weekends. He ignored my calls because he didn’t want me to know what he was doing. He says it’s “no big deal,” he isn’t doing it anymore and we should always move forward as if this never happened.
My issue is, I not trust him or his judgment because I never imagined he’d do anything like this. Since he has, I not feel like I do know him. What he did was deceitful and intensely selfish. Now he says I’m throwing away our relationship because “he made a mistake.” To me, it isn’t a mistake in case you repeat the behavior again and again. He selected to do drugs, hide it and ignore me, and he didn’t care about anything or anyone but himself.
Now I do know, and I’m not accepting the behavior. I think he’ll do it again, so I’m separating myself from him until he can show me he’s not doing those things. As for now, we’re done. His words are meaningless. I’m not accepting his guilt trip that I’m ending this over nothing. Am I doing the best thing? — TAKING A BREAK IN TEXAS
DEAR TAKING: Yes! A thousand times yes. Knowing he spent six weekends in a drug house makes me wonder if he was also involved in sexual activities. (Please have yourself tested.) Your boyfriend lied and disrespected you. He likes getting high and enjoys the corporate of people that break the law. You might be doing yourself a huge favor by eliminating him. Make it everlasting. Bravo for you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: My dear friend “Lana” and her husband each passed away some time back. Recently, my son confided that he and Lana’s daughter had an affair years ago that resulted in a toddler. All of us grew up close and regarded ourselves as related although we weren’t. Lana’s daughter married someone and passed the kid off as her husband’s. I never noticed how much that young man resembles my son before. I at all times called him one in every of my grandsons in an unofficial capability. He’s grown and married now.
Since I learned that he’s my biological grandson, I even have ached to acknowledge our relationship. But I don’t need to rock the boat and disrupt the family dynamic, let alone break my son’s trust. Should I take this secret to my grave? In any case, he already calls me “Nana.” — REAL TRUTH IN THE SOUTHWEST
DEAR REAL TRUTH: Do nothing without first talking about this along with your son. Due to the popularity of DNA testing in recent times, your grandson may discover on his own that the person he was raised to imagine is his father shouldn’t be. This type of revelation will be devastating to some individuals. The news could be higher coming out of your son than from you.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of three years works six days every week with Sundays off. For the last six weeks, my calls have gone unanswered from Saturday evening through Monday morning. He’d provide a lame excuse, apologize for the “missed” calls, and the subsequent weekend, the identical thing would occur. Long story short, he was spending time in a drug house on the weekends. He ignored my calls because he didn’t want me to know what he was doing. He says it’s “no big deal,” he isn’t doing it anymore and we should always move forward as if this never happened.
My issue is, I not trust him or his judgment because I never imagined he’d do anything like this. Since he has, I not feel like I do know him. What he did was deceitful and intensely selfish. Now he says I’m throwing away our relationship because “he made a mistake.” To me, it isn’t a mistake in case you repeat the behavior again and again. He selected to do drugs, hide it and ignore me, and he didn’t care about anything or anyone but himself.
Now I do know, and I’m not accepting the behavior. I think he’ll do it again, so I’m separating myself from him until he can show me he’s not doing those things. As for now, we’re done. His words are meaningless. I’m not accepting his guilt trip that I’m ending this over nothing. Am I doing the best thing? — TAKING A BREAK IN TEXAS
DEAR TAKING: Yes! A thousand times yes. Knowing he spent six weekends in a drug house makes me wonder if he was also involved in sexual activities. (Please have yourself tested.) Your boyfriend lied and disrespected you. He likes getting high and enjoys the corporate of people that break the law. You might be doing yourself a huge favor by eliminating him. Make it everlasting. Bravo for you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
