DEAR ABBY: I even have a sister in-law, “Karen,” nobody in my husband’s family likes. She’s rude and insulting and acts like she is healthier than everyone else. She feels she’s entitled to have relations watch her kids so she will be able to do what she wants. (If you happen to refuse, she drops the youngsters off on the door.) If anyone confronts her about her bad behavior, she claims she has anxiety and depression to make the person feel guilty.
Now, I’m not saying she doesn’t have these mental health issues, but I think she uses them to govern others. My mother-in-law keeps saying we should always “turn the opposite cheek,” but I now not can, especially in relation to her insults.
I do know many relations will side along with her out of sympathy, but I can now not sit back and accept her verbally abusing me and others with no consequences. I do know I would like a plan so I won’t lose my temper and say something I’ll regret, but I’m undecided how you can respond in a respectful way. Any ideas? — DOESN’T LIKE CONFLICT IN KENTUCKY
DEAR DOESN’T: Do nothing without first warning your in-laws that you’ve gotten reached your limit. The subsequent time your sister-in-law is rude and insulting, say calmly, “I don’t need to be spoken to that way. That’s it for me. I’m leaving.” Then do it. Your husband should back you up on this. And whilst you’re at it, have him and his family determine whether Karen’s kids are in danger, and act accordingly. Dumping her children on someone’s doorstep looks like child abandonment to me.
DEAR ABBY: I tell myself every 12 months that I won’t do that again but I do. My husband was married before, and had one daughter who now has two daughters of her own. She has at all times had the thought she was by some means deprived. I assure you, she was not. Her maternal grandparents thought she hung the moon and showered her with all the pieces. When her mother remarried, she insisted that my husband allow her latest husband to adopt her.
Contact with my husband was reestablished when she became of age. I do my best to acknowledge holidays, birthdays, etc., for all of them. The issue for me is there’s never any reciprocation, and I’m bored with it.
We’ve got a cordial relationship and see them regularly. It’s as if she thinks we owe her something. I’m the one who does all the pieces; my husband couldn’t care less. How can I end the cycle? So as to add to it, my very own nephew is identical way. Nary a word of acknowledgment unless he’s forced to. I suppose my very own feelings are the issue. I would like to keep up cordial relationships, but I feel prefer it’s a one-way street. — AT ODDS IN NEW YORK
DEAR AT ODDS: Your stepdaughter and your nephew are adults. I suggest you’ve gotten a mature conversation with each of them and tell them how you are feeling — that you must maintain a cordial relationship however it looks like a one-way street. Then turn the opposite cheek yet another time and, in the event that they don’t respond, end the cycle. See them often and be cordial. Period.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: I even have a sister in-law, “Karen,” nobody in my husband’s family likes. She’s rude and insulting and acts like she is healthier than everyone else. She feels she’s entitled to have relations watch her kids so she will be able to do what she wants. (If you happen to refuse, she drops the youngsters off on the door.) If anyone confronts her about her bad behavior, she claims she has anxiety and depression to make the person feel guilty.
Now, I’m not saying she doesn’t have these mental health issues, but I think she uses them to govern others. My mother-in-law keeps saying we should always “turn the opposite cheek,” but I now not can, especially in relation to her insults.
I do know many relations will side along with her out of sympathy, but I can now not sit back and accept her verbally abusing me and others with no consequences. I do know I would like a plan so I won’t lose my temper and say something I’ll regret, but I’m undecided how you can respond in a respectful way. Any ideas? — DOESN’T LIKE CONFLICT IN KENTUCKY
DEAR DOESN’T: Do nothing without first warning your in-laws that you’ve gotten reached your limit. The subsequent time your sister-in-law is rude and insulting, say calmly, “I don’t need to be spoken to that way. That’s it for me. I’m leaving.” Then do it. Your husband should back you up on this. And whilst you’re at it, have him and his family determine whether Karen’s kids are in danger, and act accordingly. Dumping her children on someone’s doorstep looks like child abandonment to me.
DEAR ABBY: I tell myself every 12 months that I won’t do that again but I do. My husband was married before, and had one daughter who now has two daughters of her own. She has at all times had the thought she was by some means deprived. I assure you, she was not. Her maternal grandparents thought she hung the moon and showered her with all the pieces. When her mother remarried, she insisted that my husband allow her latest husband to adopt her.
Contact with my husband was reestablished when she became of age. I do my best to acknowledge holidays, birthdays, etc., for all of them. The issue for me is there’s never any reciprocation, and I’m bored with it.
We’ve got a cordial relationship and see them regularly. It’s as if she thinks we owe her something. I’m the one who does all the pieces; my husband couldn’t care less. How can I end the cycle? So as to add to it, my very own nephew is identical way. Nary a word of acknowledgment unless he’s forced to. I suppose my very own feelings are the issue. I would like to keep up cordial relationships, but I feel prefer it’s a one-way street. — AT ODDS IN NEW YORK
DEAR AT ODDS: Your stepdaughter and your nephew are adults. I suggest you’ve gotten a mature conversation with each of them and tell them how you are feeling — that you must maintain a cordial relationship however it looks like a one-way street. Then turn the opposite cheek yet another time and, in the event that they don’t respond, end the cycle. See them often and be cordial. Period.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
