DEAR ABBY: I’m a single man with no siblings. My elderly father passed away eight months ago. My mother is now in hospice with a life expectancy of weeks to months.
My parents have lived long and productive lives, and I’m pleased with each of them. We’ve got all the time been very close. Since their terminal illnesses, I even have managed to operate fairly well.
My problem is with certain “triggers.” For instance, I can now not go to the beach because I all the time remember my father’s voice welcoming me home after I returned.
The worst one is when people see my childhood photos and say, “Your parents should have loved you so much.”
I do know these people mean well, but I can’t help grieving over the bond I had and have lost with my parents.
I plan to hunt counseling, but I’d appreciate any advice you’d have about reducing the effect of those triggers. — THEIR SON IN SAN DIEGO
DEAR SON: Please accept my sympathy for the lack of your father. Chances are you’ll need assistance coping with the pain of losing him, in addition to dealing along with your mother’s sad prognosis.
When a loved one dies, there are, in fact, bittersweet memories. Managing them is a person process.
For those who haven’t joined a grief support group, I urge you to search out one. If the group setting doesn’t provide enough help for the overwhelming emotions you’re feeling, a licensed psychotherapist can offer more support.
The people helping your mother along with her hospice care surely can suggest some resources for you. Please don’t put it off. Start now.
DEAR ABBY: How long would you give your partner to get a full-time job?
What if that partner was helpful in other areas of the household, brought in rental income from a house he owned and helped with the youngsters? I’m in a predicament.
My spouse has been working as an adjunct professor since we met and has remained in that profession for 17 years without advantages or a salary that may support us.
We’ve got children now, and I even have been working my tail off for greater than 10 years to supply a life-style for our family.
Would you let your husband proceed in his dream of adjunct professor, or make him get an extra part-time job to herald more income?
And would you permit this person if he didn’t need to do more to assist provide for the family? — EXHAUSTED IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR EXHAUSTED: Would leaving your husband improve your lifestyle? You and your husband should seek the advice of a financial adviser and discuss your situation.
From what you will have written, your husband doesn’t sit around doing nothing. He could also be doing his best to contribute in other ways.
If the numbers don’t add up, it is feasible he may have to do something more to generate income. But a word of caution: Don’t issue an ultimatum unless you might be able to follow through.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a single man with no siblings. My elderly father passed away eight months ago. My mother is now in hospice with a life expectancy of weeks to months.
My parents have lived long and productive lives, and I’m pleased with each of them. We’ve got all the time been very close. Since their terminal illnesses, I even have managed to operate fairly well.
My problem is with certain “triggers.” For instance, I can now not go to the beach because I all the time remember my father’s voice welcoming me home after I returned.
The worst one is when people see my childhood photos and say, “Your parents should have loved you so much.”
I do know these people mean well, but I can’t help grieving over the bond I had and have lost with my parents.
I plan to hunt counseling, but I’d appreciate any advice you’d have about reducing the effect of those triggers. — THEIR SON IN SAN DIEGO
DEAR SON: Please accept my sympathy for the lack of your father. Chances are you’ll need assistance coping with the pain of losing him, in addition to dealing along with your mother’s sad prognosis.
When a loved one dies, there are, in fact, bittersweet memories. Managing them is a person process.
For those who haven’t joined a grief support group, I urge you to search out one. If the group setting doesn’t provide enough help for the overwhelming emotions you’re feeling, a licensed psychotherapist can offer more support.
The people helping your mother along with her hospice care surely can suggest some resources for you. Please don’t put it off. Start now.
DEAR ABBY: How long would you give your partner to get a full-time job?
What if that partner was helpful in other areas of the household, brought in rental income from a house he owned and helped with the youngsters? I’m in a predicament.
My spouse has been working as an adjunct professor since we met and has remained in that profession for 17 years without advantages or a salary that may support us.
We’ve got children now, and I even have been working my tail off for greater than 10 years to supply a life-style for our family.
Would you let your husband proceed in his dream of adjunct professor, or make him get an extra part-time job to herald more income?
And would you permit this person if he didn’t need to do more to assist provide for the family? — EXHAUSTED IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR EXHAUSTED: Would leaving your husband improve your lifestyle? You and your husband should seek the advice of a financial adviser and discuss your situation.
From what you will have written, your husband doesn’t sit around doing nothing. He could also be doing his best to contribute in other ways.
If the numbers don’t add up, it is feasible he may have to do something more to generate income. But a word of caution: Don’t issue an ultimatum unless you might be able to follow through.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
