DEAR ABBY: I actually have been married for 40 years. After I married “Hugh,” I assumed he was the nicest man I had ever met. We now have two grown children of whom we’re each very proud. Hugh was laid off 19 years ago and said he was going to take “a bit break day.” Abby, he has never gone back to work. I retired 4 years ago and got a bit part-time job in an area shop on the town. I do the home tasks, and our neighbor does our yard. Hugh goes to the food market, and that’s the one time he leaves the home. We haven’t been out to dinner in five years. He doesn’t go to family gatherings, hasn’t seen a friend in years and is at all times indignant. Regardless of what I say, I get screamed at or thrown a death stare. My husband has suffered hearing loss, which I’m sure is frustrating, but he refuses to get a hearing aid and is at all times mad because he can’t hear me or any conversation. We are able to’t have a rational discussion because I actually have to boost my voice for him to listen to me, after which he accuses me of yelling and walks away. We’re too tied up financially and emotionally for me to go away, and I actually have nowhere else to go. I don’t know the right way to get through to him that blaming me for his problems is unjustified and undeserved. Any advice? — BLEAK VIEW IN TEXAS
DEAR BLEAK VIEW: You don’t have to tolerate being verbally abused. Because you’re unwilling or unable to go away, the subsequent neatest thing can be to begin leading your individual life as much as possible. Stop enabling your husband to the extent you’ve gotten been. He won’t prefer it, but don’t allow him to make it your problem. Check with an attorney about separating your funds if it’s possible. Proceed working, socialize individually and make as blissful a life for yourself as you may.
DEAR ABBY: I assumed I used to be friends with “Connie,” but with what has been happening these days, she’s obviously not my friend. She says she’s depressed, which does concern me, but she is using it to get me to take her to doctor’s appointments and to the shop, even when it greatly interferes with my schedule. She expects me to cancel my very own appointments to accommodate her and gets indignant and dramatic after I tell her I can’t. It’s very stressful. I used to care about her, but I can now not take her abusive and disrespectful behavior. I’m considering of ending this so-called friendship. What do you’re thinking that I should do? — USED IN MARYLAND
DEAR USED: Connie could also be depressed. She may additionally be self-centered and endlessly needy. It’s time to inform her calmly how you’re feeling about what is going on, clarify that you’ve gotten responsibilities in your individual life that you simply now not need to sacrifice and suggest that if she values the friendship, she should make other arrangements for transportation. If she will accept that, remain friendly along with her but not at her beck and call. If she cannot accept it, your problem will probably be solved.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often called Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: I actually have been married for 40 years. After I married “Hugh,” I assumed he was the nicest man I had ever met. We now have two grown children of whom we’re each very proud. Hugh was laid off 19 years ago and said he was going to take “a bit break day.” Abby, he has never gone back to work. I retired 4 years ago and got a bit part-time job in an area shop on the town. I do the home tasks, and our neighbor does our yard. Hugh goes to the food market, and that’s the one time he leaves the home. We haven’t been out to dinner in five years. He doesn’t go to family gatherings, hasn’t seen a friend in years and is at all times indignant. Regardless of what I say, I get screamed at or thrown a death stare. My husband has suffered hearing loss, which I’m sure is frustrating, but he refuses to get a hearing aid and is at all times mad because he can’t hear me or any conversation. We are able to’t have a rational discussion because I actually have to boost my voice for him to listen to me, after which he accuses me of yelling and walks away. We’re too tied up financially and emotionally for me to go away, and I actually have nowhere else to go. I don’t know the right way to get through to him that blaming me for his problems is unjustified and undeserved. Any advice? — BLEAK VIEW IN TEXAS
DEAR BLEAK VIEW: You don’t have to tolerate being verbally abused. Because you’re unwilling or unable to go away, the subsequent neatest thing can be to begin leading your individual life as much as possible. Stop enabling your husband to the extent you’ve gotten been. He won’t prefer it, but don’t allow him to make it your problem. Check with an attorney about separating your funds if it’s possible. Proceed working, socialize individually and make as blissful a life for yourself as you may.
DEAR ABBY: I assumed I used to be friends with “Connie,” but with what has been happening these days, she’s obviously not my friend. She says she’s depressed, which does concern me, but she is using it to get me to take her to doctor’s appointments and to the shop, even when it greatly interferes with my schedule. She expects me to cancel my very own appointments to accommodate her and gets indignant and dramatic after I tell her I can’t. It’s very stressful. I used to care about her, but I can now not take her abusive and disrespectful behavior. I’m considering of ending this so-called friendship. What do you’re thinking that I should do? — USED IN MARYLAND
DEAR USED: Connie could also be depressed. She may additionally be self-centered and endlessly needy. It’s time to inform her calmly how you’re feeling about what is going on, clarify that you’ve gotten responsibilities in your individual life that you simply now not need to sacrifice and suggest that if she values the friendship, she should make other arrangements for transportation. If she will accept that, remain friendly along with her but not at her beck and call. If she cannot accept it, your problem will probably be solved.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often called Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
