DEAR ABBY: My husband and I even have been separated for six months as a consequence of verbal abuse, physical abuse (each of us) and financial dishonesty and abuse (him). We’ve worked to higher ourselves, and the separation has helped us realize that we do love one another and are committed to changing our ways.
I used to be preparing to maneuver back home, and I informed him that I’m going to go on a visit before a required medical procedure. I shall be spending the summer recovering from this procedure, and I would like to do something fun before I’m laid up for the following several months. I plan to go together with my brother, his wife and one other sister-in-law. My husband feels it’s disrespectful for me to go on this trip. He said that if I’m going, I should expect divorce papers. Thoughts? — BIG DECISION IN MONTANA
DEAR BIG DECISION: In case your husband feels your happening the trip is disrespectful to him because he wasn’t invited, go without him and make other arrangements to your recuperation. Someone who has worked successfully to higher himself doesn’t give ultimatums just like the one he has given you. Should you skip the trip, this is simply the start of how he’ll threaten you in the longer term. Love him, should you will, but do not reunite with him.
DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law is an attention-seeker. She’s very loud and talks in a baby voice so that everybody looks at her. She made my wedding shower and, years later, my baby shower all about her and the gifts she gave. Not only did it take the highlight from my husband and me, however it made other relations’ gifts or contributions seem inadequate. She all the time has to provide the largest and best (while letting everyone know) and distract from other people’s special moments.
My daughter is being married in a 12 months and a half. She has already told me she doesn’t want Grandma “Dorothy” to return dress shopping because she doesn’t wish to be embarrassed, but she does want my mom and her fiance’s mom and grandmother to be there. I even have told her that she has to ask Grandma Dorothy.
I do love my mother-in-law, and I would like her to return to all the festivities. The issue is she gets irrationally mad should you ask her to switch her behavior in any way. My query is, how do I ask her to reel it in without offending her or making her mad? My husband’s solution is to disregard his mother’s behavior. — CRINGING IN MISSOURI
DEAR CRINGING: It’s time to step out of the best way on this matter. You appear to have forgotten that this upcoming wedding just isn’t your wedding, but your daughter’s. Her wishes about who should attend what should prevail. If she understands the ramifications of excluding Grandma Dorothy and is willing to forgo the lavish gifts and contributions her grandmother bestows, then that needs to be her privilege. Further, the one who conveys that message needs to be your daughter, not you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often called Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I even have been separated for six months as a consequence of verbal abuse, physical abuse (each of us) and financial dishonesty and abuse (him). We’ve worked to higher ourselves, and the separation has helped us realize that we do love one another and are committed to changing our ways.
I used to be preparing to maneuver back home, and I informed him that I’m going to go on a visit before a required medical procedure. I shall be spending the summer recovering from this procedure, and I would like to do something fun before I’m laid up for the following several months. I plan to go together with my brother, his wife and one other sister-in-law. My husband feels it’s disrespectful for me to go on this trip. He said that if I’m going, I should expect divorce papers. Thoughts? — BIG DECISION IN MONTANA
DEAR BIG DECISION: In case your husband feels your happening the trip is disrespectful to him because he wasn’t invited, go without him and make other arrangements to your recuperation. Someone who has worked successfully to higher himself doesn’t give ultimatums just like the one he has given you. Should you skip the trip, this is simply the start of how he’ll threaten you in the longer term. Love him, should you will, but do not reunite with him.
DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law is an attention-seeker. She’s very loud and talks in a baby voice so that everybody looks at her. She made my wedding shower and, years later, my baby shower all about her and the gifts she gave. Not only did it take the highlight from my husband and me, however it made other relations’ gifts or contributions seem inadequate. She all the time has to provide the largest and best (while letting everyone know) and distract from other people’s special moments.
My daughter is being married in a 12 months and a half. She has already told me she doesn’t want Grandma “Dorothy” to return dress shopping because she doesn’t wish to be embarrassed, but she does want my mom and her fiance’s mom and grandmother to be there. I even have told her that she has to ask Grandma Dorothy.
I do love my mother-in-law, and I would like her to return to all the festivities. The issue is she gets irrationally mad should you ask her to switch her behavior in any way. My query is, how do I ask her to reel it in without offending her or making her mad? My husband’s solution is to disregard his mother’s behavior. — CRINGING IN MISSOURI
DEAR CRINGING: It’s time to step out of the best way on this matter. You appear to have forgotten that this upcoming wedding just isn’t your wedding, but your daughter’s. Her wishes about who should attend what should prevail. If she understands the ramifications of excluding Grandma Dorothy and is willing to forgo the lavish gifts and contributions her grandmother bestows, then that needs to be her privilege. Further, the one who conveys that message needs to be your daughter, not you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often called Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
