DEAR ABBY: My strongest “love language” is physical touch. For 23 years, my husband gave hugs galore to any and each woman, but never to me. The word “never” shouldn’t be an exaggeration. He has recently begun to alter and take a look at to be higher. Now he does hug me as much as I need. But when he hugs other women, it still seems like a knife through my heart.
He says the hugs mean nothing to him, but I query why, in the event that they were so insignificant, he couldn’t give me even one for greater than 20 years? How do I recover from feeling hurt when he hugs other women? Is there something flawed with my perspective on this? I’m undecided if I’m being too sensitive. — FINALLY WORTH HUGGING
DEAR FINALLY: Too sensitive? There may be nothing flawed together with your “perspective.” For 23 years your passive-aggressive husband selected to withhold a gesture of affection you requested, while showering other women with it. It’s “nice” that he’s finally willing to take the time to hug you but, frankly, it seems a bit late. It might take a therapist to assist work through your justified hurt and anger over this. My advice is to start out now.
DEAR ABBY: My husband died suddenly three months ago. My family sympathizes with me; nonetheless, my youngest daughter thinks I would like to maneuver on and recover from his death. How can I make her understand that his death has devastated me, and getting over it’ll take time? She reads tarot cards and claims the cards are telling me to recover from it and move on. How can I get her to stop with the cardboard readings? — HEARTBROKEN IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Your daughter could also be attempting to be helpful. She may be uncomfortable seeing her mother in pain. Clearly, she has no clue about how grief works. There isn’t a timetable for it, but three months is a comparatively short time frame. Tell her that for the foreseeable future those card readings will now not be a subject of dialogue. Then, if she brings it up again, change the topic.
DEAR ABBY: I’m writing to ask your advice about the way to tell my friends we should always not exchange Christmas gifts this yr. We’re all retirees. I’m not low-cost, and neither are they, but none of us “needs” anything. I believe a lot of us wish to say it, but we don’t know the way. I don’t wish to hurt anyone’s feelings. Suggestions? — HALTING HOLIDAY GIFT-GIVING
DEAR HALTING: I assume you see or communicate with these friends recurrently. Raise this subject during certainly one of your visits well before the Christmas holiday. Many retirees try to divest themselves of the “things” they’ve collected during their lifetime, and your pals may feel similarly. Don’t feel shy about bringing it up. They could be as relieved as you about exchanging only cards and good wishes.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: My strongest “love language” is physical touch. For 23 years, my husband gave hugs galore to any and each woman, but never to me. The word “never” shouldn’t be an exaggeration. He has recently begun to alter and take a look at to be higher. Now he does hug me as much as I need. But when he hugs other women, it still seems like a knife through my heart.
He says the hugs mean nothing to him, but I query why, in the event that they were so insignificant, he couldn’t give me even one for greater than 20 years? How do I recover from feeling hurt when he hugs other women? Is there something flawed with my perspective on this? I’m undecided if I’m being too sensitive. — FINALLY WORTH HUGGING
DEAR FINALLY: Too sensitive? There may be nothing flawed together with your “perspective.” For 23 years your passive-aggressive husband selected to withhold a gesture of affection you requested, while showering other women with it. It’s “nice” that he’s finally willing to take the time to hug you but, frankly, it seems a bit late. It might take a therapist to assist work through your justified hurt and anger over this. My advice is to start out now.
DEAR ABBY: My husband died suddenly three months ago. My family sympathizes with me; nonetheless, my youngest daughter thinks I would like to maneuver on and recover from his death. How can I make her understand that his death has devastated me, and getting over it’ll take time? She reads tarot cards and claims the cards are telling me to recover from it and move on. How can I get her to stop with the cardboard readings? — HEARTBROKEN IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Your daughter could also be attempting to be helpful. She may be uncomfortable seeing her mother in pain. Clearly, she has no clue about how grief works. There isn’t a timetable for it, but three months is a comparatively short time frame. Tell her that for the foreseeable future those card readings will now not be a subject of dialogue. Then, if she brings it up again, change the topic.
DEAR ABBY: I’m writing to ask your advice about the way to tell my friends we should always not exchange Christmas gifts this yr. We’re all retirees. I’m not low-cost, and neither are they, but none of us “needs” anything. I believe a lot of us wish to say it, but we don’t know the way. I don’t wish to hurt anyone’s feelings. Suggestions? — HALTING HOLIDAY GIFT-GIVING
DEAR HALTING: I assume you see or communicate with these friends recurrently. Raise this subject during certainly one of your visits well before the Christmas holiday. Many retirees try to divest themselves of the “things” they’ve collected during their lifetime, and your pals may feel similarly. Don’t feel shy about bringing it up. They could be as relieved as you about exchanging only cards and good wishes.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
