DEAR ABBY: My husband is desperate for ladies’s attention, and I’m sure he’d cheat on me the fast he had the prospect. We’ve been together for 12 years. After we met, he was 24 and I used to be 31. I realize now that while I even have had 4 long-term relationships and a fair proportion of sexual partners, my husband has had little sexual experience outside of our relationship.
Any time he’s around women, whether I’m there or not, he makes it some extent to strike up a conversation or gain their attention. It doesn’t matter in the event that they’re young or old, attractive or not. He has fostered many “friendships” with women I don’t know, like gas station attendants or his employer’s office staff.
He swears he has never cheated, and I even have never found any solid proof aside from pornography. I just can’t shake this sense that he needs or desires to experience other women, and I don’t know what to do. Please help. — MORE EXPERIENCED IN SOUTH DAKOTA
DEAR MORE EXPERIENCED: Should you haven’t talked along with your husband about this, do it now. Your husband is probably not a wannabe philanderer as much as a plain old-fashioned flirt. People of each sexes need validation, particularly if their self-esteem isn’t the very best. You won’t know what’s really driving him unless you may discuss it. If obligatory, a wedding and family therapist may give you the chance to assist the 2 of you communicate on a non-threatening level.
DEAR ABBY: Once I met my boyfriend, it felt perfect. I believed I had found my soul mate. Once I met his family, we got along well and spent increasingly more time together. I used to be 28; he was 31. We lived an hour away from his parents, and though we were there every weekend and sometimes twice every week, his mom began complaining that she didn’t get to see him enough.
His sister, who’s my age, grew increasingly jealous. I had just lost my younger brother and was grieving when she began lashing out at me commonly. She’s extremely controlling of my boyfriend and me, demanding we do whatever she says and go wherever she wants us to go, including once we are allowed to depart.
She has no respect for any polite or firm boundaries we set, swearing and becoming hysterical and hostile almost each time we interact. She has “kicked me out” of the family gathering, which led to my being completely unwelcome. She tries to gaslight everyone and uses a whole lot of manipulation tactics to persuade others I’m the issue, not her.
Now her husband and her parents lash out at me even at my boyfriend’s expense. What’s most depressing is that he sides with them because they’re “family,” and it’s his role or he’s the issue. This wore my boyfriend and me out, so I removed myself from the situation and moved to a different state with my sister. Is there any probability we will have a peaceful future? — ‘IN-LAW’ DRAMA IN TEXAS
DEAR DRAMA: No, there shouldn’t be. Unless you enjoy being abused, the family dynamic you described was extremely unhealthy. You probably did the precise thing to extricate yourself. If a peaceful future is what you’re on the lookout for, keep looking.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also generally known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: My husband is desperate for ladies’s attention, and I’m sure he’d cheat on me the fast he had the prospect. We’ve been together for 12 years. After we met, he was 24 and I used to be 31. I realize now that while I even have had 4 long-term relationships and a fair proportion of sexual partners, my husband has had little sexual experience outside of our relationship.
Any time he’s around women, whether I’m there or not, he makes it some extent to strike up a conversation or gain their attention. It doesn’t matter in the event that they’re young or old, attractive or not. He has fostered many “friendships” with women I don’t know, like gas station attendants or his employer’s office staff.
He swears he has never cheated, and I even have never found any solid proof aside from pornography. I just can’t shake this sense that he needs or desires to experience other women, and I don’t know what to do. Please help. — MORE EXPERIENCED IN SOUTH DAKOTA
DEAR MORE EXPERIENCED: Should you haven’t talked along with your husband about this, do it now. Your husband is probably not a wannabe philanderer as much as a plain old-fashioned flirt. People of each sexes need validation, particularly if their self-esteem isn’t the very best. You won’t know what’s really driving him unless you may discuss it. If obligatory, a wedding and family therapist may give you the chance to assist the 2 of you communicate on a non-threatening level.
DEAR ABBY: Once I met my boyfriend, it felt perfect. I believed I had found my soul mate. Once I met his family, we got along well and spent increasingly more time together. I used to be 28; he was 31. We lived an hour away from his parents, and though we were there every weekend and sometimes twice every week, his mom began complaining that she didn’t get to see him enough.
His sister, who’s my age, grew increasingly jealous. I had just lost my younger brother and was grieving when she began lashing out at me commonly. She’s extremely controlling of my boyfriend and me, demanding we do whatever she says and go wherever she wants us to go, including once we are allowed to depart.
She has no respect for any polite or firm boundaries we set, swearing and becoming hysterical and hostile almost each time we interact. She has “kicked me out” of the family gathering, which led to my being completely unwelcome. She tries to gaslight everyone and uses a whole lot of manipulation tactics to persuade others I’m the issue, not her.
Now her husband and her parents lash out at me even at my boyfriend’s expense. What’s most depressing is that he sides with them because they’re “family,” and it’s his role or he’s the issue. This wore my boyfriend and me out, so I removed myself from the situation and moved to a different state with my sister. Is there any probability we will have a peaceful future? — ‘IN-LAW’ DRAMA IN TEXAS
DEAR DRAMA: No, there shouldn’t be. Unless you enjoy being abused, the family dynamic you described was extremely unhealthy. You probably did the precise thing to extricate yourself. If a peaceful future is what you’re on the lookout for, keep looking.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also generally known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
