DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married to “Chuck” for 40 years. We’ve had a reasonably decent life together, regardless that Chuck drank heavily for 35 of those years. Now, as we enter our twilight years, he has experienced various medical problems, which have prompted him to stop drinking altogether. Although that is a superb thing, I still would love to have a drink from time to time.
Once I imbibe (not more than two or three), Chuck becomes irritable and starts fights. There isn’t a violence, but he snaps, swears after which gives me the silent treatment. Please advise me about the right way to handle this. I’ve been attempting to “sneak” my drinks behind his back, but why should I?
By the best way, I actually have contributed greater than my justifiable share financially and have taken on all domestic responsibility on this relationship, just about since Day One. Am I stuck with Chuck? — LIGHT DRINKER IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR LIGHT DRINKER: Have you ever not read anything the previous surgeon general posted on the web about alcohol consumption? Greater than one drink a day for girls may increase the likelihood of cancer of the breast, esophagus, stomach, pancreas and colon. You could want to think about curtailing your alcohol intake.
The undeniable fact that seeing you imbibe has such a negative effect in your husband could also be a sign that his own sobriety is shaky. When you really feel the necessity to have an alcoholic beverage (or two or three), consider doing it away from the home with women friends.
DEAR ABBY: My wife is an excellent and loving person. She has just one fault, however it drives me crazy. Our home is well maintained, but she is a closet slob. Every closet, every cabinet, every drawer and each cupboard space is filled with junk. Her walk-in closet is piled waist-high with stuff. You’ll be able to’t walk in there. You furthermore mght can’t open a single drawer in the home due to stuff crammed inside.
These aren’t precious belongings. It’s simply junk that hasn’t been utilized in 15 years. I can’t let you know the variety of times I actually have had to maneuver boxes around to get to something I want or to repair something. I actually have tried talking to her about it, writing her a letter about my feelings and just getting mad. Nothing works.
My anger has built to the purpose where I cannot take it any longer. Each time I stumble across the mess, I get offended. It isn’t any longer rational, and I’m even losing sleep over it. My wife treasures her possessions greater than she treasures me or our relationship. What can I do? — BLOCKED IN MONTANA
DEAR BLOCKED: Since you’re losing sleep over this and are able to throw within the towel, address your concerns to your wife in those terms. Tell her that since you aren’t communicating well on this subject, you would like the 2 of you to seek the advice of a licensed marriage and family therapist.
Individuals who have the tendency to hoard the best way your wife does sometimes suffer from anxiety, depression or another emotional problem. There’s help for it, thank heavens. But you might have to ask for it ,and your wife needs to be willing.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married to “Chuck” for 40 years. We’ve had a reasonably decent life together, regardless that Chuck drank heavily for 35 of those years. Now, as we enter our twilight years, he has experienced various medical problems, which have prompted him to stop drinking altogether. Although that is a superb thing, I still would love to have a drink from time to time.
Once I imbibe (not more than two or three), Chuck becomes irritable and starts fights. There isn’t a violence, but he snaps, swears after which gives me the silent treatment. Please advise me about the right way to handle this. I’ve been attempting to “sneak” my drinks behind his back, but why should I?
By the best way, I actually have contributed greater than my justifiable share financially and have taken on all domestic responsibility on this relationship, just about since Day One. Am I stuck with Chuck? — LIGHT DRINKER IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR LIGHT DRINKER: Have you ever not read anything the previous surgeon general posted on the web about alcohol consumption? Greater than one drink a day for girls may increase the likelihood of cancer of the breast, esophagus, stomach, pancreas and colon. You could want to think about curtailing your alcohol intake.
The undeniable fact that seeing you imbibe has such a negative effect in your husband could also be a sign that his own sobriety is shaky. When you really feel the necessity to have an alcoholic beverage (or two or three), consider doing it away from the home with women friends.
DEAR ABBY: My wife is an excellent and loving person. She has just one fault, however it drives me crazy. Our home is well maintained, but she is a closet slob. Every closet, every cabinet, every drawer and each cupboard space is filled with junk. Her walk-in closet is piled waist-high with stuff. You’ll be able to’t walk in there. You furthermore mght can’t open a single drawer in the home due to stuff crammed inside.
These aren’t precious belongings. It’s simply junk that hasn’t been utilized in 15 years. I can’t let you know the variety of times I actually have had to maneuver boxes around to get to something I want or to repair something. I actually have tried talking to her about it, writing her a letter about my feelings and just getting mad. Nothing works.
My anger has built to the purpose where I cannot take it any longer. Each time I stumble across the mess, I get offended. It isn’t any longer rational, and I’m even losing sleep over it. My wife treasures her possessions greater than she treasures me or our relationship. What can I do? — BLOCKED IN MONTANA
DEAR BLOCKED: Since you’re losing sleep over this and are able to throw within the towel, address your concerns to your wife in those terms. Tell her that since you aren’t communicating well on this subject, you would like the 2 of you to seek the advice of a licensed marriage and family therapist.
Individuals who have the tendency to hoard the best way your wife does sometimes suffer from anxiety, depression or another emotional problem. There’s help for it, thank heavens. But you might have to ask for it ,and your wife needs to be willing.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
