DEAR ABBY: How do I tell my friend “Lila” that I feel she’d be happier if she got divorced? To be clear, I don’t think her relationship is unsafe — it’s just unhappy. Things have been rocky together with her wife for some time now. They keep attempting to work things out, but every few months, something recent comes up or becomes an issue again.
Lila cares deeply about her wife. She really desires to make things work, but I always hear she feels neglected and unattractive due to how her wife treats her. I’m obviously only hearing half the story, nevertheless it looks like Lila is putting in all the hassle to make the connection work, and her wife isn’t responding in kind.
A part of the issue could also be that Lila is introverted and doesn’t have many friends besides her wife and me, which could also be why she clings so hard to that relationship. I feel each of them can be happier in the event that they stopped attempting to make the wedding work and went back to being friends, but I don’t know methods to tell Lila that, or even when I should. Please help. — LISTENING IN MARYLAND
DEAR LISTENING: Stay out of it. Lila needs a friend and a sounding board at this point, not a life coach. If her marriage is as dysfunctional as you may have described, she’s going to determine in the end whether it’s time to “dial it back” or to finish it. Understand that when divorces occur, most couples don’t “return to being friends” unless there are kids involved.
DEAR ABBY: I chaired an event with an area service organization. Many hours were exhausted with planning and decorating. In the course of the program, just a few members playfully began throwing some items from the centerpieces on the guest speakers. By the top of this system, a lot of the room’s centerpieces were dismantled and on the ground.
My committee had the job of cleanup, which was difficult and tedious. We felt the numerous hours we spent planning and doing exertions were disrespected due to these juvenile antics. This was an end-of-year program, ringing in recent officers and celebrating a beautiful previous yr, and there are at all times some lighthearted shenanigans. But I’ve never experienced total chaos before. Should I say something or chalk it as much as celebrating a successful yr’s end? — FLABBERGASTED IN TEXAS
DEAR FLABBERGASTED: Were these lighthearted members drunk or simply disorderly? “Lightheartedly” destroying the centerpieces and throwing parts of them on the speakers? How disrespectful to everyone involved, not to say potentially dangerous!
I don’t think what happened needs to be ignored. By all means, speak up. You and the opposite committee members are actually entitled to let the perpetrators know the way it made you are feeling. You’re not the one one that is flabbergasted. So am I.
DEAR ABBY: What can I purchase for Christmas for my brother who’s terminally sick with cancer? Nothing seems right — not music, books or any of the things he has at all times enjoyed. I’m at a loss. Any thoughts? — SADDENED IN OREGON
DEAR SADDENED: I’m so sorry about your brother’s diagnosis. The surest option to give him something he’ll enjoy can be to ask him what he would love. His activities could also be diminished, but he can point you in the correct direction.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often called Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: How do I tell my friend “Lila” that I feel she’d be happier if she got divorced? To be clear, I don’t think her relationship is unsafe — it’s just unhappy. Things have been rocky together with her wife for some time now. They keep attempting to work things out, but every few months, something recent comes up or becomes an issue again.
Lila cares deeply about her wife. She really desires to make things work, but I always hear she feels neglected and unattractive due to how her wife treats her. I’m obviously only hearing half the story, nevertheless it looks like Lila is putting in all the hassle to make the connection work, and her wife isn’t responding in kind.
A part of the issue could also be that Lila is introverted and doesn’t have many friends besides her wife and me, which could also be why she clings so hard to that relationship. I feel each of them can be happier in the event that they stopped attempting to make the wedding work and went back to being friends, but I don’t know methods to tell Lila that, or even when I should. Please help. — LISTENING IN MARYLAND
DEAR LISTENING: Stay out of it. Lila needs a friend and a sounding board at this point, not a life coach. If her marriage is as dysfunctional as you may have described, she’s going to determine in the end whether it’s time to “dial it back” or to finish it. Understand that when divorces occur, most couples don’t “return to being friends” unless there are kids involved.
DEAR ABBY: I chaired an event with an area service organization. Many hours were exhausted with planning and decorating. In the course of the program, just a few members playfully began throwing some items from the centerpieces on the guest speakers. By the top of this system, a lot of the room’s centerpieces were dismantled and on the ground.
My committee had the job of cleanup, which was difficult and tedious. We felt the numerous hours we spent planning and doing exertions were disrespected due to these juvenile antics. This was an end-of-year program, ringing in recent officers and celebrating a beautiful previous yr, and there are at all times some lighthearted shenanigans. But I’ve never experienced total chaos before. Should I say something or chalk it as much as celebrating a successful yr’s end? — FLABBERGASTED IN TEXAS
DEAR FLABBERGASTED: Were these lighthearted members drunk or simply disorderly? “Lightheartedly” destroying the centerpieces and throwing parts of them on the speakers? How disrespectful to everyone involved, not to say potentially dangerous!
I don’t think what happened needs to be ignored. By all means, speak up. You and the opposite committee members are actually entitled to let the perpetrators know the way it made you are feeling. You’re not the one one that is flabbergasted. So am I.
DEAR ABBY: What can I purchase for Christmas for my brother who’s terminally sick with cancer? Nothing seems right — not music, books or any of the things he has at all times enjoyed. I’m at a loss. Any thoughts? — SADDENED IN OREGON
DEAR SADDENED: I’m so sorry about your brother’s diagnosis. The surest option to give him something he’ll enjoy can be to ask him what he would love. His activities could also be diminished, but he can point you in the correct direction.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often called Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
