DEAR ABBY: Forty years ago, a neighborhood boy fathered a baby with a neighborhood girl. “Billy” was 17 on the time, and “Becky” was 14 or 15. Each were friends of mine. They weren’t a gradual couple. She liked him, but I feel he used her. I heard that she married an older gentleman who accepted the newborn, “Matt,” as his own.
Ten years ago, I discovered Matt on Facebook. I told him I knew his mother, and he shared her contact information with me. Once I called Becky, we enjoyed talking about old times, and I let her know that Billy had passed away. She informed me that her husband had also passed away.
I used to be surprised when she told me she never told Matt who his biological father was. He was raised believing his biological father was Becky’s husband. I even have photographs of Billy, and Matt has an aunt he’s unaware of. As tempted as I’m to tell him who his father was, I do know that just isn’t the proper thing to do.
We don’t communicate commonly, but Becky and I are friends on Facebook. I feel she’s having health issues now. Abby, If she passes away, do you think that I should let Matt know who his father was, share the pictures and let him learn about his aunt? I believe I’d need to know. — OLD FRIEND IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR OLD FRIEND: If Becky’s health problems are life-threatening, she’s the person it is best to consider approaching. The query it is best to pose is that this: Would she want her son to think he’s on their own on the earth after she’s gone?
I don’t think it is best to lay this news on Matt after his mother’s death. His parents wouldn’t be there to reply his inevitable questions, and he would likely feel hurt and indignant that he wasn’t told the reality.
DEAR ABBY: My wife is an lively member of her church, whereas I’m a non-believer. It’s, in fact, her right to practice her religion and revel in belonging to a community of like-minded people. The problem stems from the numerous hours spent every week above and beyond the services, similar to prayer sessions, Bible study groups, etc.
I even have begun to resent her heavy involvement in church administration that has nothing to do with worship, and the resulting lack of spontaneity in our relationship. To plan an activity or vacation, she needs at the very least two months’ notice due to her never-ending, self-imposed commitments. This has increased through the years.
Now we have a big circle of friends, and our marriage has no other major issues. We try to search out a balance, however it’s tough. What advice do you’ve got for us? — FAITHLESS IN FRANCE
DEAR FAITHLESS: Does your wife realize you might be so upset concerning the imbalance in her relationship to the church and to you that you simply wrote to an advice columnist for help? By all means, tell her. The 2 of you might be overdue for a serious discussion concerning the way she budgets her time, since you are feeling cheated. Begin that conversation now and, if crucial, involve a mediator.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: Forty years ago, a neighborhood boy fathered a baby with a neighborhood girl. “Billy” was 17 on the time, and “Becky” was 14 or 15. Each were friends of mine. They weren’t a gradual couple. She liked him, but I feel he used her. I heard that she married an older gentleman who accepted the newborn, “Matt,” as his own.
Ten years ago, I discovered Matt on Facebook. I told him I knew his mother, and he shared her contact information with me. Once I called Becky, we enjoyed talking about old times, and I let her know that Billy had passed away. She informed me that her husband had also passed away.
I used to be surprised when she told me she never told Matt who his biological father was. He was raised believing his biological father was Becky’s husband. I even have photographs of Billy, and Matt has an aunt he’s unaware of. As tempted as I’m to tell him who his father was, I do know that just isn’t the proper thing to do.
We don’t communicate commonly, but Becky and I are friends on Facebook. I feel she’s having health issues now. Abby, If she passes away, do you think that I should let Matt know who his father was, share the pictures and let him learn about his aunt? I believe I’d need to know. — OLD FRIEND IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR OLD FRIEND: If Becky’s health problems are life-threatening, she’s the person it is best to consider approaching. The query it is best to pose is that this: Would she want her son to think he’s on their own on the earth after she’s gone?
I don’t think it is best to lay this news on Matt after his mother’s death. His parents wouldn’t be there to reply his inevitable questions, and he would likely feel hurt and indignant that he wasn’t told the reality.
DEAR ABBY: My wife is an lively member of her church, whereas I’m a non-believer. It’s, in fact, her right to practice her religion and revel in belonging to a community of like-minded people. The problem stems from the numerous hours spent every week above and beyond the services, similar to prayer sessions, Bible study groups, etc.
I even have begun to resent her heavy involvement in church administration that has nothing to do with worship, and the resulting lack of spontaneity in our relationship. To plan an activity or vacation, she needs at the very least two months’ notice due to her never-ending, self-imposed commitments. This has increased through the years.
Now we have a big circle of friends, and our marriage has no other major issues. We try to search out a balance, however it’s tough. What advice do you’ve got for us? — FAITHLESS IN FRANCE
DEAR FAITHLESS: Does your wife realize you might be so upset concerning the imbalance in her relationship to the church and to you that you simply wrote to an advice columnist for help? By all means, tell her. The 2 of you might be overdue for a serious discussion concerning the way she budgets her time, since you are feeling cheated. Begin that conversation now and, if crucial, involve a mediator.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
