DEAR ABBY: My fiancee has plenty of male friends she has known for years. Considered one of them stops off at her work, brings food and gifts, and will exit along with her after hours. One other called her one evening and invited her out for drinks to have fun his promotion.
At a recent party, one other one had his hands on her back or shoulders each time he spoke to her (she was wearing a silk shirt). Prior to that, she had left with him to go to the ATM holding his hand. At one other party, I practically needed to wrestle one other “friend” away from her so I could sit next to her at dinner and later stand next to her for the group picture.
After I tell her I’m upset about this, especially that she is allowing it to go on, she tells me they’ve been friends for years and there’s nothing sexual happening. (Actually, she says I’m the ONLY man she knows who thinks that way.) She says, “We’re all just touchy-feely.” Observing these goings-on, I don’t see any of her other male or female friends touching anyone else like this.
I’d never touch one other woman who was in a committed relationship. She insists it’s just me, and that if I say anything, she can be upset. So, here I sit, stewing, while her supposedly non-sexual friends paw at her and vie for her attention. Advice? — SEETHING IN NEW YORK
DEAR SEETHING: Yes. Your fiancee has made it plain that she doesn’t plan to alter. Because of this you must stop seething and end the engagement. Unless you enjoy pain and anxiety, this isn’t the girl for you.
DEAR ABBY: The newest issue is with my daughter who’s due in a couple of months. We’re very close, but suddenly she says I might want to shower and wear clean clothing before seeing her child. She’s afraid of third-hand smoke. I’m, unfortunately, a smoker.
I’d never smoke round her baby. I don’t even smoke in the home, but she has told me it’s her rule. I actually have read the whole lot about third-hand smoke and haven’t found any statistics concerning the amount of exposure it will take to harm a baby.
I’m going to attempt to quit, but I feel that is crazy. She hasn’t said anything about cleansing products, food or the rest. Am I unsuitable in considering that is excessive? — SAD SMOKER IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR SMOKER: As a longtime smoker, you’re probably not aware of how unpleasant the smell of tobacco could be for nonsmokers. It clings to the smoker’s hair, skin, clothing and surroundings. You’re entitled to think whatever you would like, but as you stated, that is your daughter’s rule, and should you are going to interact with that grandchild, you should have to respect it.
I actually hope you’ll give you the chance to beat your tobacco addiction and cuddle the infant. In the event you do, you can be doing all of you (including yourself) a favor.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also generally known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
