DEAR ABBY: I see a psychiatrist and psychologist for generalized anxiety disorder, major depression disorder and borderline personality disorder.
In accordance with my doctors, my psychiatric disorders are a results of the 44 years of abuse I received from my mother, in addition to the abuse she allowed others to inflict on me.
Her physical abuse stopped once I fought back at 17. Once I was 18, it was the last time her precious prince of a son raised his fist to me because I told him I’d press charges and have him arrested.
The sexual abuse had stopped once I was 12, and I spotted she’d known what had been happening the entire time.
It also ended my wanting a relationship with my mother, but her emotional abuse continued until she died in 2013.
I’m being told that, because she’s dead, I should just let it go. My siblings backed her because they desired to be in Mommy’s good graces.
After years of hatred and abuse, I believed the one family I had were my very own two children, but even they’re cold to me now. They scold me — “Your mother’s dead. Recover from it.”
How do I explain that when abuse starts before a baby can walk, you don’t just “recover from it”? — BLEEDING HEART IN OHIO
DEAR BLEEDING HEART: I’m so sorry for the unrelenting trauma you experienced. Your kids may mean well, but they’re clueless about what the results of physical, emotional and sexual abuse may be.
I’m unsure your kids will ever fully understand why you’ll be able to’t forgive what your mother and siblings did to you without the assistance of a family therapist, in case you can persuade your kids to accompany you.
DEAR ABBY: My father-in-law passed away, and I actually have never been particularly near my mother-in-law.
I actually have encouraged my husband to go to his mother and maintain a great relationship together with her. She’s healthy and really energetic and drives herself in every single place.
The issue is, each time my husband visits, he brings home a bag (or bags) of miscellaneous items his mom gives him.
It may be hats, gloves, socks, flashlights, T-shirts, gadgets, tons of drink bottles, etc. Many of the items have never been used.
My in-laws were avid auction and sale enthusiasts, and so they didn’t just buy one in every of something; they bought in quantity.
When my husband brings these things home, I find yourself taking the whole lot to our local donation center. How do I get him to get up to his mother and tell her we don’t need any more stuff?
I don’t wish to be the one to talk to her because it would create problems. Must I just keep quiet and proceed running to the donation center for the sake of peace? — DUMPED ON IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR DUMPED ON: No. Tell your husband HE must run to the donation center to eliminate the items his mother sends home with him.
Once he tires of doing it, he will discourage his well-meaning mother.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often called Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: I see a psychiatrist and psychologist for generalized anxiety disorder, major depression disorder and borderline personality disorder.
In accordance with my doctors, my psychiatric disorders are a results of the 44 years of abuse I received from my mother, in addition to the abuse she allowed others to inflict on me.
Her physical abuse stopped once I fought back at 17. Once I was 18, it was the last time her precious prince of a son raised his fist to me because I told him I’d press charges and have him arrested.
The sexual abuse had stopped once I was 12, and I spotted she’d known what had been happening the entire time.
It also ended my wanting a relationship with my mother, but her emotional abuse continued until she died in 2013.
I’m being told that, because she’s dead, I should just let it go. My siblings backed her because they desired to be in Mommy’s good graces.
After years of hatred and abuse, I believed the one family I had were my very own two children, but even they’re cold to me now. They scold me — “Your mother’s dead. Recover from it.”
How do I explain that when abuse starts before a baby can walk, you don’t just “recover from it”? — BLEEDING HEART IN OHIO
DEAR BLEEDING HEART: I’m so sorry for the unrelenting trauma you experienced. Your kids may mean well, but they’re clueless about what the results of physical, emotional and sexual abuse may be.
I’m unsure your kids will ever fully understand why you’ll be able to’t forgive what your mother and siblings did to you without the assistance of a family therapist, in case you can persuade your kids to accompany you.
DEAR ABBY: My father-in-law passed away, and I actually have never been particularly near my mother-in-law.
I actually have encouraged my husband to go to his mother and maintain a great relationship together with her. She’s healthy and really energetic and drives herself in every single place.
The issue is, each time my husband visits, he brings home a bag (or bags) of miscellaneous items his mom gives him.
It may be hats, gloves, socks, flashlights, T-shirts, gadgets, tons of drink bottles, etc. Many of the items have never been used.
My in-laws were avid auction and sale enthusiasts, and so they didn’t just buy one in every of something; they bought in quantity.
When my husband brings these things home, I find yourself taking the whole lot to our local donation center. How do I get him to get up to his mother and tell her we don’t need any more stuff?
I don’t wish to be the one to talk to her because it would create problems. Must I just keep quiet and proceed running to the donation center for the sake of peace? — DUMPED ON IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR DUMPED ON: No. Tell your husband HE must run to the donation center to eliminate the items his mother sends home with him.
Once he tires of doing it, he will discourage his well-meaning mother.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often called Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
