DEAR ABBY: My mother, who’s 69, recently moved near where my wife and I live to be near us as she ages. On the entire, this has been great for all of us. Mom is in good health and still very energetic. She walks each day and takes care of her house and garden. We see her often.
The issue is, she could be very proof against meeting latest people or going out without us. She says she is going to never find friends nearly as good because the ones she left behind, so it’s not price trying. We encouraged her to affix the senior center, which she did, but she quit after a month, saying the people there are “too old.”
I took her to church, but after the second Sunday, she announced she’s not going back. My wife tried to get her to affix a club or volunteer at our youngsters’ school, but Mom said she doesn’t prefer to be on a schedule. Several neighbors invited her over, but she at all times makes excuses to say no. I believe they’ve stopped asking.
Because she’s independent, this isn’t an enormous deal now. But I’m anxious that if she doesn’t get to know people while she’s still energetic, we’ll be her only source of support as she ages.
You frequently ask if older parents are experiencing a change of personality attributable to old age or dementia, and I don’t think that is the case here. Mom’s at all times been shy. Now she’s shy and stubborn. What are my options? — LOOKING OUT FOR MOM IN CHICAGO
DEAR LOOKING OUT: Amongst my first thoughts is that your mother isn’t the independent person you described, and he or she’s setting herself as much as be completely dependent upon you and your wife for social interaction. It isn’t healthy for any of you.
Before she isolates herself further than she already has, sit her down and tell her directly that you simply don’t need this to occur and that she MUST make more of an effort to interact with others. While relationships should not interchangeable, she once had a social life, and she is going to again IF she makes an effort.
If her shyness prevents her from easily conversing with strangers, suggest that she volunteer at an animal shelter. That way she might be out of the home, interacting with others and never solely depending on you.
DEAR ABBY: My friend “Sally” has been dating this guy for 10 years. Their relationship has been rocky from the start, and he doesn’t appear to need to commit. He acts like he doesn’t need to even be along with her, spending time only when it’s convenient for him.
He has put Sally through so much. He was involved with this other woman. He said it was because she knew some things about him and was holding it against him and he couldn’t tell my friend. I believe he’s a narcissist. What advice are you able to give her? — ASKING FOR A FRIEND
DEAR ASKING: Knowing that essentially the most unwanted advice is that which is unasked for, I might wait until the following time Sally complains concerning the treatment this man has given her for the last 10 years. Then I might suggest that she talk with a licensed mental health skilled about the way to rebuild her self-esteem.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: My mother, who’s 69, recently moved near where my wife and I live to be near us as she ages. On the entire, this has been great for all of us. Mom is in good health and still very energetic. She walks each day and takes care of her house and garden. We see her often.
The issue is, she could be very proof against meeting latest people or going out without us. She says she is going to never find friends nearly as good because the ones she left behind, so it’s not price trying. We encouraged her to affix the senior center, which she did, but she quit after a month, saying the people there are “too old.”
I took her to church, but after the second Sunday, she announced she’s not going back. My wife tried to get her to affix a club or volunteer at our youngsters’ school, but Mom said she doesn’t prefer to be on a schedule. Several neighbors invited her over, but she at all times makes excuses to say no. I believe they’ve stopped asking.
Because she’s independent, this isn’t an enormous deal now. But I’m anxious that if she doesn’t get to know people while she’s still energetic, we’ll be her only source of support as she ages.
You frequently ask if older parents are experiencing a change of personality attributable to old age or dementia, and I don’t think that is the case here. Mom’s at all times been shy. Now she’s shy and stubborn. What are my options? — LOOKING OUT FOR MOM IN CHICAGO
DEAR LOOKING OUT: Amongst my first thoughts is that your mother isn’t the independent person you described, and he or she’s setting herself as much as be completely dependent upon you and your wife for social interaction. It isn’t healthy for any of you.
Before she isolates herself further than she already has, sit her down and tell her directly that you simply don’t need this to occur and that she MUST make more of an effort to interact with others. While relationships should not interchangeable, she once had a social life, and she is going to again IF she makes an effort.
If her shyness prevents her from easily conversing with strangers, suggest that she volunteer at an animal shelter. That way she might be out of the home, interacting with others and never solely depending on you.
DEAR ABBY: My friend “Sally” has been dating this guy for 10 years. Their relationship has been rocky from the start, and he doesn’t appear to need to commit. He acts like he doesn’t need to even be along with her, spending time only when it’s convenient for him.
He has put Sally through so much. He was involved with this other woman. He said it was because she knew some things about him and was holding it against him and he couldn’t tell my friend. I believe he’s a narcissist. What advice are you able to give her? — ASKING FOR A FRIEND
DEAR ASKING: Knowing that essentially the most unwanted advice is that which is unasked for, I might wait until the following time Sally complains concerning the treatment this man has given her for the last 10 years. Then I might suggest that she talk with a licensed mental health skilled about the way to rebuild her self-esteem.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
