DEAR ABBY: My husband, “Dan,” died 4 1/2 years ago. We were together for 17 years. I actually have stayed in contact together with his mother and certainly one of his sisters. His family is politically the alternative of my daughter and me, and really religious (we are usually not). He had twin adult children I also stay involved with. They’re the one family I actually have in the world. We even have a 20-year-old daughter together.
Am I obligated to remain involved together with his family due to our daughter? They’re kind and courteous once I call, but not invite us to go to. My mother-in-law has also stopped sending me and my daughter gifts on special occasions.
How healthy is it to remain involved, and for a way long? I feel bad because my daughter doesn’t really have any family anymore. How should I proceed together with his side of the family? — A BIT LOST IN WASHINGTON
DEAR LOST: I see nothing to be gained by slamming any doors. Relationships evolve, and the connection you might have along with your late husband’s family appears to be evolving away. Keep things as cordial as you may, if only to your daughter’s sake, by sending cards on appropriate occasions. Don’t burn any bridges. In case your daughter wants to succeed in out to those members of the family, she is sufficiently old to do it without your help.
DEAR ABBY: Before we had children, my stepmother dropped many “hints” encouraging us to have kids, and promised multiple times that she would retire after we did to assist out with them. We now have a 6-year-old and an 18-month-old. After we ask my father and stepmother to babysit or watch the youngsters, they are saying, “We’d like to, but now will not be convenient.”
They live seven minutes away, but have never offered to babysit. They watch the youngsters possibly once out of 20 times that we ask. They do drop by to see us as a family when it’s convenient for them, and my children adore them. Each time they drop by, we stop whatever we’re doing to spend time with them because those relationships are necessary for us and our kids.
Culturally, it’s the norm for grandparents to look at children. My grandparents watched us often as children, especially after my mother died. I never expected my stepmother to truly quit her job to look at our children, but I actually did anticipate more support than we receive. I don’t know the best way to express that we want more support than they’re offering. — NEEDY MOM IN NEW ZEALAND
DEAR MOM: You were fortunate to have a grandmother who had the time and the need to take care of you, but not all families are the identical. If you happen to are a daily “Dear Abby” reader, you likely know I often receive mail from folks complaining that they don’t have enough access to their grandchildren.
I’m sorry your stepmother raised your expectations and hasn’t followed through. If you happen to think she and your dad will change their ways, explain to them that you just need their help. Nonetheless, if it isn’t forthcoming, accept that you’re going to should hire a babysitter on those occasions.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also generally known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: My husband, “Dan,” died 4 1/2 years ago. We were together for 17 years. I actually have stayed in contact together with his mother and certainly one of his sisters. His family is politically the alternative of my daughter and me, and really religious (we are usually not). He had twin adult children I also stay involved with. They’re the one family I actually have in the world. We even have a 20-year-old daughter together.
Am I obligated to remain involved together with his family due to our daughter? They’re kind and courteous once I call, but not invite us to go to. My mother-in-law has also stopped sending me and my daughter gifts on special occasions.
How healthy is it to remain involved, and for a way long? I feel bad because my daughter doesn’t really have any family anymore. How should I proceed together with his side of the family? — A BIT LOST IN WASHINGTON
DEAR LOST: I see nothing to be gained by slamming any doors. Relationships evolve, and the connection you might have along with your late husband’s family appears to be evolving away. Keep things as cordial as you may, if only to your daughter’s sake, by sending cards on appropriate occasions. Don’t burn any bridges. In case your daughter wants to succeed in out to those members of the family, she is sufficiently old to do it without your help.
DEAR ABBY: Before we had children, my stepmother dropped many “hints” encouraging us to have kids, and promised multiple times that she would retire after we did to assist out with them. We now have a 6-year-old and an 18-month-old. After we ask my father and stepmother to babysit or watch the youngsters, they are saying, “We’d like to, but now will not be convenient.”
They live seven minutes away, but have never offered to babysit. They watch the youngsters possibly once out of 20 times that we ask. They do drop by to see us as a family when it’s convenient for them, and my children adore them. Each time they drop by, we stop whatever we’re doing to spend time with them because those relationships are necessary for us and our kids.
Culturally, it’s the norm for grandparents to look at children. My grandparents watched us often as children, especially after my mother died. I never expected my stepmother to truly quit her job to look at our children, but I actually did anticipate more support than we receive. I don’t know the best way to express that we want more support than they’re offering. — NEEDY MOM IN NEW ZEALAND
DEAR MOM: You were fortunate to have a grandmother who had the time and the need to take care of you, but not all families are the identical. If you happen to are a daily “Dear Abby” reader, you likely know I often receive mail from folks complaining that they don’t have enough access to their grandchildren.
I’m sorry your stepmother raised your expectations and hasn’t followed through. If you happen to think she and your dad will change their ways, explain to them that you just need their help. Nonetheless, if it isn’t forthcoming, accept that you’re going to should hire a babysitter on those occasions.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also generally known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
