DEAR ABBY: A cousin I hardly know (he’s 20 years older than I’m and has lived tons of of miles away my entire life) was visiting. He offered to drive me to his brother’s house out within the country, about 30 miles from here, for dinner.
The last 15 miles were on narrow country roads. Five miles from our destination, he stopped to purchase beer. As we drove off, he asked his girlfriend to pop one open for him and he drank it while he was driving. It never occurred to me that he, a well-off skilled, would do something so silly.
If this were to occur again, I feel I’d politely ask, “Would you please wait until you’re not behind the wheel?” If he were unreceptive, I’d add (truthfully), “I lost a friend to someone who drank and drove, so I’d really prefer that you just don’t.” Nevertheless, had he refused, I’d have been in a bind.
I don’t wish to be in a automotive with a drinker, and I wasn’t ready to get out of the automotive. As noted, we were in the course of nowhere, and I don’t have a smartphone, so I couldn’t have ordered an Uber or looked for nearby taxi service. Now I do know never to just accept a ride unless I’ve been clear (in a cordial way) with the motive force ahead of time — but in that situation, what could I actually have done? — UNHAPPY PASSENGER IN MARYLAND
DEAR PASSENGER: You’ve learned a vital lesson. Aside from to voice your discomfort, there was nothing you possibly can have done. The perfect technique to get out of a jam shouldn’t be to get into one in the primary place. In the long run, if this person offers you a ride, take your individual automotive and follow.
P.S. Please consider getting a smartphone — for safety purposes.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter married her second husband in 2004. Because I used to be having cancer treatments with all of the uncomfortable side effects, I didn’t go to her wedding. Fast-forward to 2011. My granddaughter (her daughter) got married two weeks after I had one other cancer surgery. I missed that milestone, too, and each of them hold this against me! My daughter told me she would crawl on her belly to go to HER daughter’s or granddaughter’s wedding.
I actually have never met my great-granddaughter or my granddaughter’s husband, and she or he hasn’t spoken to me in almost 10 years. I don’t understand why. Am I unsuitable to think they’re unreasonable, or should I actually have dragged myself to the weddings anyway? They’ve never asked how I’m doing healthwise, despite the actual fact I had heart surgery for a double aortic aneurysm and aortic valve substitute two years ago.
My daughter recently told me she has tried very hard to have a relationship with me. I blurted out, “When?” Abby, what’s your take? — KICKED WHEN DOWN IN TEXAS
DEAR KICKED: My take is that your daughter doesn’t/didn’t understand how debilitating some cancer treatments could be and resents your not attending her wedding. If I needed to guess, her resentment has had quite a bit to do along with your granddaughter’s attitude toward you.
I believe there have been problems between you and your daughter that preceded her marriage and contributed to the rift. Because you possibly can’t change the past, my advice is to think about constructing emotionally satisfying relationships with others, because neither of those individuals seems inclined to chop you any slack.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also generally known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: A cousin I hardly know (he’s 20 years older than I’m and has lived tons of of miles away my entire life) was visiting. He offered to drive me to his brother’s house out within the country, about 30 miles from here, for dinner.
The last 15 miles were on narrow country roads. Five miles from our destination, he stopped to purchase beer. As we drove off, he asked his girlfriend to pop one open for him and he drank it while he was driving. It never occurred to me that he, a well-off skilled, would do something so silly.
If this were to occur again, I feel I’d politely ask, “Would you please wait until you’re not behind the wheel?” If he were unreceptive, I’d add (truthfully), “I lost a friend to someone who drank and drove, so I’d really prefer that you just don’t.” Nevertheless, had he refused, I’d have been in a bind.
I don’t wish to be in a automotive with a drinker, and I wasn’t ready to get out of the automotive. As noted, we were in the course of nowhere, and I don’t have a smartphone, so I couldn’t have ordered an Uber or looked for nearby taxi service. Now I do know never to just accept a ride unless I’ve been clear (in a cordial way) with the motive force ahead of time — but in that situation, what could I actually have done? — UNHAPPY PASSENGER IN MARYLAND
DEAR PASSENGER: You’ve learned a vital lesson. Aside from to voice your discomfort, there was nothing you possibly can have done. The perfect technique to get out of a jam shouldn’t be to get into one in the primary place. In the long run, if this person offers you a ride, take your individual automotive and follow.
P.S. Please consider getting a smartphone — for safety purposes.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter married her second husband in 2004. Because I used to be having cancer treatments with all of the uncomfortable side effects, I didn’t go to her wedding. Fast-forward to 2011. My granddaughter (her daughter) got married two weeks after I had one other cancer surgery. I missed that milestone, too, and each of them hold this against me! My daughter told me she would crawl on her belly to go to HER daughter’s or granddaughter’s wedding.
I actually have never met my great-granddaughter or my granddaughter’s husband, and she or he hasn’t spoken to me in almost 10 years. I don’t understand why. Am I unsuitable to think they’re unreasonable, or should I actually have dragged myself to the weddings anyway? They’ve never asked how I’m doing healthwise, despite the actual fact I had heart surgery for a double aortic aneurysm and aortic valve substitute two years ago.
My daughter recently told me she has tried very hard to have a relationship with me. I blurted out, “When?” Abby, what’s your take? — KICKED WHEN DOWN IN TEXAS
DEAR KICKED: My take is that your daughter doesn’t/didn’t understand how debilitating some cancer treatments could be and resents your not attending her wedding. If I needed to guess, her resentment has had quite a bit to do along with your granddaughter’s attitude toward you.
I believe there have been problems between you and your daughter that preceded her marriage and contributed to the rift. Because you possibly can’t change the past, my advice is to think about constructing emotionally satisfying relationships with others, because neither of those individuals seems inclined to chop you any slack.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also generally known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
