DEAR ABBY: I live to tell the tale the underside floor of a duplex with my wife. My brother-in-law, his wife and their two sons, ages 4 and a pair of, are upstairs. For the reason that 2-year-old was born, he’s been very rambunctious and fussy. I consider my BIL a very good parent overall, but for some time now, I hear him blow up, scream, curse and shout on the younger child. I don’t think it’s healthy.
I even have a tough time with it due to my upbringing, which left a mark. I grew up in a house ruled by intimidation. I’m also a college counselor. The 4-year-old has a pronounced speech impediment that I’m hoping the varsity will help with. As an adult and someone who works with kids, it bothers me to listen to this go on on daily basis in our home.
I wouldn’t dare to say anything to my BIL or SIL. I’m just frightened concerning the boys. Will they be OK? Please, let me know what to do. All of us want my nephews to be well, but I can’t blur the road between counselor and aunt. — FULL OF CONCERN IN THE EAST
DEAR FULL: Nothing will change unless you discover the courage to talk out. Involve your wife on this. Each of it’s best to consult with your brother-in-law and sister-in-law about how being intimidated from an early age affected your life. Suggest that if the children have gotten greater than your BIL can handle, he discover a strategy to take a break from them until he calms down. The college may have the opportunity to assist the older boy along with his speech impediment, and it’s best to ensure that the assistance is requested. Beyond this, there’s nothing more you possibly can do to vary the unhealthy dynamic upstairs.
DEAR ABBY: I used to be in a relationship for 48 years. We lived together for 15 years, were married for 30 years and divorced three years ago. We now have one married child, who has three children. Not all of our years together were glorious. We had our share of problems, and we just grew apart. Yes, we slept in the identical bed and went on vacations, but there was no intimacy for a very good 20 years. I’d should ask him for a hug or a kiss, which he would give, but I didn’t feel loved. I really like him, but I’m now not in love with him.
I help him any time he asks. We live in the identical town. I’m now wondering if our current relationship is a convenience. We share a meal a pair times per week, and he calls or texts almost every day. But he doesn’t want me around his current group of friends.
I even have my very own outside interests, but I’m attempting to work out where I stand in his life. I feel I’m OK with a friendship with him. We’re each retired. For the record, I haven’t any desire thus far, nor do I need to place myself in that position. I dislike being out by myself after dark. Advice, please? — MOVED ON IN NEW MEXICO
DEAR MOVED ON: If you desire to know where you stand in your ex-husband’s life, ask him. From my long-distance perspective, the 2 of you could have 4 decades-plus of mutual experiences, and it’s a relationship that has value. When you derive some pleasure from it, why throw it away? Nevertheless, if maintaining a relationship with him prevents you from moving on in your individual life, focus on widening your circle of friends and going forward independently.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also generally known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: I live to tell the tale the underside floor of a duplex with my wife. My brother-in-law, his wife and their two sons, ages 4 and a pair of, are upstairs. For the reason that 2-year-old was born, he’s been very rambunctious and fussy. I consider my BIL a very good parent overall, but for some time now, I hear him blow up, scream, curse and shout on the younger child. I don’t think it’s healthy.
I even have a tough time with it due to my upbringing, which left a mark. I grew up in a house ruled by intimidation. I’m also a college counselor. The 4-year-old has a pronounced speech impediment that I’m hoping the varsity will help with. As an adult and someone who works with kids, it bothers me to listen to this go on on daily basis in our home.
I wouldn’t dare to say anything to my BIL or SIL. I’m just frightened concerning the boys. Will they be OK? Please, let me know what to do. All of us want my nephews to be well, but I can’t blur the road between counselor and aunt. — FULL OF CONCERN IN THE EAST
DEAR FULL: Nothing will change unless you discover the courage to talk out. Involve your wife on this. Each of it’s best to consult with your brother-in-law and sister-in-law about how being intimidated from an early age affected your life. Suggest that if the children have gotten greater than your BIL can handle, he discover a strategy to take a break from them until he calms down. The college may have the opportunity to assist the older boy along with his speech impediment, and it’s best to ensure that the assistance is requested. Beyond this, there’s nothing more you possibly can do to vary the unhealthy dynamic upstairs.
DEAR ABBY: I used to be in a relationship for 48 years. We lived together for 15 years, were married for 30 years and divorced three years ago. We now have one married child, who has three children. Not all of our years together were glorious. We had our share of problems, and we just grew apart. Yes, we slept in the identical bed and went on vacations, but there was no intimacy for a very good 20 years. I’d should ask him for a hug or a kiss, which he would give, but I didn’t feel loved. I really like him, but I’m now not in love with him.
I help him any time he asks. We live in the identical town. I’m now wondering if our current relationship is a convenience. We share a meal a pair times per week, and he calls or texts almost every day. But he doesn’t want me around his current group of friends.
I even have my very own outside interests, but I’m attempting to work out where I stand in his life. I feel I’m OK with a friendship with him. We’re each retired. For the record, I haven’t any desire thus far, nor do I need to place myself in that position. I dislike being out by myself after dark. Advice, please? — MOVED ON IN NEW MEXICO
DEAR MOVED ON: If you desire to know where you stand in your ex-husband’s life, ask him. From my long-distance perspective, the 2 of you could have 4 decades-plus of mutual experiences, and it’s a relationship that has value. When you derive some pleasure from it, why throw it away? Nevertheless, if maintaining a relationship with him prevents you from moving on in your individual life, focus on widening your circle of friends and going forward independently.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also generally known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
