DEAR ABBY: After a lonely post-divorce decade, I actually have found a loving man whom I’ll call “Drew.” We share lots of the same interests and values, and are having fun with this second probability at love and romance. We spend time at one another’s homes, and my grown kids like having him around.
The challenge is the erratic and indignant behavior of his 27-year-old son, “Adam,” who lives within the constructing my boyfriend owns and resides in. Adam was previously diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Drew now says the diagnosis was inaccurate, and Adam is learning find out how to deal along with his emotions without heavy medication.
Abby, Adam has never held a job, and manages just one junior college class a semester in his quest to enter a four-year university. The balance of his time is spent gaming with online friends and complaining about neighbors who rent within the constructing. I actually have witnessed his disturbing and indignant behavior and have made clear I’ll remove myself from the drama should things get heated in my presence.
What I’m battling is the passive way Drew is managing Adam’s bullying and negative behavior. When Adam acts out, Drew is usually sworn at, derided, manipulated and disrespected. The co-dependence and enabling on this father-son relationship prevents any probability of Adam attaining an independent life.
Drew becomes very defensive after I discuss his son, and there may be rarely agreement about find out how to handle a selected outburst. I’m undecided I can manage a future with him if his son comes as a package deal. Should I stay or should I am going? — SEES WRITING ON THE WALL
DEAR SEES WRITING: Face it — Drew’s mentally challenged son is a component of a package deal. Your boyfriend has no intention of adjusting the dynamic between him and Adam because, unpleasant because it sometimes is, he won’t shoulder the responsibility of being tough enough on him to assign him more responsibility and fewer gaming time. How sad for all three of you. If you happen to are satisfied with the establishment, it is best to stay. Nonetheless, if you happen to would love to be married and move in with Drew, I don’t think it’s within the cards, and it is best to step out of the image.
DEAR ABBY: I actually like this guy. He makes me so comfortable. He told me he’s drawn to me, but he doesn’t need a relationship with me. Once we spend time together, we at all times have an awesome time. Once I reach out to him, he doesn’t at all times respond immediately, but he treats me splendidly when he does. I really need us so far — not have a “relationship,” just date. How can I tell him that? — FALLING HARD FOR HIM
DEAR FALLING HARD: This guy can have the identical thing in mind as you do. There could also be reasons you ought to be aware of as to why he doesn’t at all times reply to you in a timely fashion. He may have to consider school, his job or one other girlfriend. It will be in your best interests to know why. Because you could be willing so far him under the circumstances you described, speak up, and see how he reacts.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also generally known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: After a lonely post-divorce decade, I actually have found a loving man whom I’ll call “Drew.” We share lots of the same interests and values, and are having fun with this second probability at love and romance. We spend time at one another’s homes, and my grown kids like having him around.
The challenge is the erratic and indignant behavior of his 27-year-old son, “Adam,” who lives within the constructing my boyfriend owns and resides in. Adam was previously diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Drew now says the diagnosis was inaccurate, and Adam is learning find out how to deal along with his emotions without heavy medication.
Abby, Adam has never held a job, and manages just one junior college class a semester in his quest to enter a four-year university. The balance of his time is spent gaming with online friends and complaining about neighbors who rent within the constructing. I actually have witnessed his disturbing and indignant behavior and have made clear I’ll remove myself from the drama should things get heated in my presence.
What I’m battling is the passive way Drew is managing Adam’s bullying and negative behavior. When Adam acts out, Drew is usually sworn at, derided, manipulated and disrespected. The co-dependence and enabling on this father-son relationship prevents any probability of Adam attaining an independent life.
Drew becomes very defensive after I discuss his son, and there may be rarely agreement about find out how to handle a selected outburst. I’m undecided I can manage a future with him if his son comes as a package deal. Should I stay or should I am going? — SEES WRITING ON THE WALL
DEAR SEES WRITING: Face it — Drew’s mentally challenged son is a component of a package deal. Your boyfriend has no intention of adjusting the dynamic between him and Adam because, unpleasant because it sometimes is, he won’t shoulder the responsibility of being tough enough on him to assign him more responsibility and fewer gaming time. How sad for all three of you. If you happen to are satisfied with the establishment, it is best to stay. Nonetheless, if you happen to would love to be married and move in with Drew, I don’t think it’s within the cards, and it is best to step out of the image.
DEAR ABBY: I actually like this guy. He makes me so comfortable. He told me he’s drawn to me, but he doesn’t need a relationship with me. Once we spend time together, we at all times have an awesome time. Once I reach out to him, he doesn’t at all times respond immediately, but he treats me splendidly when he does. I really need us so far — not have a “relationship,” just date. How can I tell him that? — FALLING HARD FOR HIM
DEAR FALLING HARD: This guy can have the identical thing in mind as you do. There could also be reasons you ought to be aware of as to why he doesn’t at all times reply to you in a timely fashion. He may have to consider school, his job or one other girlfriend. It will be in your best interests to know why. Because you could be willing so far him under the circumstances you described, speak up, and see how he reacts.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also generally known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
