DEAR ABBY: I began a brand new job a yr and a half ago. It’s in a small office. My boss and I are the one employees. I benefit from the job very much, but there’s a facet of it that has really began to wear on me. Increasingly, my boss has been asking me to deal with personal tasks for him which are unrelated to the business.
I understand that he has nobody else to depend on, but it surely shouldn’t be my problem. I’m a single mom with two kids, and I have already got enough on my plate.
The ultimate straw was after I asked for the time off to spend with my entire family, and he asked me to choose up his pets within the afternoon (to save lots of him the fee of getting them boarded overnight) and provides him a ride home from the airport at 9:30 p.m. I had to go away my family gathering to do that.
A part of me knows it wasn’t fair of him to ask for these items. I don’t wish to lie and say I can’t, but “I don’t wish to” seems petty. I even have enough trouble running my very own household without helping out with one other. How do I say this without losing my job? — NO WORK-WIFE IN IDAHO
DEAR NO WORK-WIFE: On your boss to expect you to run errands for him without being compensated is profiting from you. The very first thing I might do if I were in your shoes can be to begin exploring the job market in your community. Then, if I discovered anything that suited my particular skills, I might have a chat with my boss and explain that I even have responsibilities after working hours that make it difficult to comply along with his requests.
If he values what you contribute to his business, he may work out one other technique to get his errands run. Nonetheless, if he doesn’t, you should have one other job lined up.
DEAR ABBY: My mother has cancer that has metastasized, and my family is now expecting me to check with her. We haven’t had a relationship in nine years, ever since she moved out of state together with her boyfriend. Abby, our relationship has been toxic ever since she discovered she was pregnant with me almost 35 years ago. My family expects me to place out a “fire” I didn’t start, simply because she is sick. The last time she was on the town, I held her accountable for the alternatives she’s made, and she or he exploded. She screamed, cussed at me, and disrespected me in my home.
Am I cruel for standing my ground and refusing to be mistreated by her? Must I please my family and succumb to their pressure to give up my peace? What if my mother survives only to abuse me again? — VICTIMIZED IN OHIO
DEAR VICTIMIZED: Your mother’s illness is terminal. What you have to determine is whether or not you prefer to to make peace together with her for yourself, NOT because relatives are pressuring you into it.
If the reply to that query isn’t any, tell these well-meaning relatives that due to abuse you suffered at her hands from the time you were little, you’re feeling you lost your mother years ago, and also you usually are not comfortable contacting her now.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: I began a brand new job a yr and a half ago. It’s in a small office. My boss and I are the one employees. I benefit from the job very much, but there’s a facet of it that has really began to wear on me. Increasingly, my boss has been asking me to deal with personal tasks for him which are unrelated to the business.
I understand that he has nobody else to depend on, but it surely shouldn’t be my problem. I’m a single mom with two kids, and I have already got enough on my plate.
The ultimate straw was after I asked for the time off to spend with my entire family, and he asked me to choose up his pets within the afternoon (to save lots of him the fee of getting them boarded overnight) and provides him a ride home from the airport at 9:30 p.m. I had to go away my family gathering to do that.
A part of me knows it wasn’t fair of him to ask for these items. I don’t wish to lie and say I can’t, but “I don’t wish to” seems petty. I even have enough trouble running my very own household without helping out with one other. How do I say this without losing my job? — NO WORK-WIFE IN IDAHO
DEAR NO WORK-WIFE: On your boss to expect you to run errands for him without being compensated is profiting from you. The very first thing I might do if I were in your shoes can be to begin exploring the job market in your community. Then, if I discovered anything that suited my particular skills, I might have a chat with my boss and explain that I even have responsibilities after working hours that make it difficult to comply along with his requests.
If he values what you contribute to his business, he may work out one other technique to get his errands run. Nonetheless, if he doesn’t, you should have one other job lined up.
DEAR ABBY: My mother has cancer that has metastasized, and my family is now expecting me to check with her. We haven’t had a relationship in nine years, ever since she moved out of state together with her boyfriend. Abby, our relationship has been toxic ever since she discovered she was pregnant with me almost 35 years ago. My family expects me to place out a “fire” I didn’t start, simply because she is sick. The last time she was on the town, I held her accountable for the alternatives she’s made, and she or he exploded. She screamed, cussed at me, and disrespected me in my home.
Am I cruel for standing my ground and refusing to be mistreated by her? Must I please my family and succumb to their pressure to give up my peace? What if my mother survives only to abuse me again? — VICTIMIZED IN OHIO
DEAR VICTIMIZED: Your mother’s illness is terminal. What you have to determine is whether or not you prefer to to make peace together with her for yourself, NOT because relatives are pressuring you into it.
If the reply to that query isn’t any, tell these well-meaning relatives that due to abuse you suffered at her hands from the time you were little, you’re feeling you lost your mother years ago, and also you usually are not comfortable contacting her now.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
