DEAR ABBY: My father died by suicide three years ago. My sister, who was initially supportive, later drunk-dialed our mother and said a bunch of nasty things about her and me. Mom didn’t cut the conversation short and later told me what was said, which included that Dad had done it because my other sister and I are “unstable” and since he was sick.
I haven’t talked to my alcoholic sister for a number of years now. She previously ruined a family holiday with a unique drunken outburst. She also squandered some money I had given her for a automotive. I need to confront her, but I do know she’ll deny, deflect it back and check out to insult me. I even have no time for this.
I’m disabled with severe recurrent depression and anxiety. I used to be the one who found Dad after the suicide, and it deeply affected me. I’m floored that not only would my sister not understand this, but that she’d proceed backbiting me.
Should I reach out and tell her why I haven’t answered her texts from right after it happened? (She doesn’t talk on the phone, only texts.) — SON/BROTHER IN MICHIGAN
DEAR SON/BROTHER: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the tragic lack of your father. I can’t imagine the degree of shock and trauma finding him should have caused you. By now, you have to realize that your sister isn’t a well woman. Whoever has been telling you concerning the nasty things she has been saying about try to be told you now not need to hear it. This includes your mother. As for confronting your sister, I like to recommend against it. She isn’t going to vary. Should you haven’t been receiving help for your personal issues, it’s time to achieve out for some. You’re entitled to it. And, for your personal sake, proceed to avoid your sister and her toxicity.
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I even have been married for 40 years. Her 42-year-old son got here to live with us 4 months ago. He has never worked in his life and does nothing. I’m supporting him now. Tonight, my wife told me, “Don’t forget concerning the trash. The pickup comes early within the morning, and I do know you don’t need to stand up at 5 to place it out.” I said, “Have your son do it. He doesn’t do anything except sleep all day and eat all night.” “Well, he’s in bed already,” she responded. So I took the trash out and finished the dishes. He walked past me to go outside and have a cigarette (that I purchased). Am I unsuitable to be mad? My wife says I’m unsuitable. — IMPOSED UPON IN NORTH DAKOTA
DEAR IMPOSED UPON: You say the son is 42, and you might have been married to his mother since he was 2. Who raised him? Was he together with his father? Is there something unsuitable with him that you simply omitted out of your letter? Why is he living with you? Why hasn’t he found a job so he could contribute to his room and board?
Once you identified that because you’re supporting her son, HE and never you need to take out the rubbish, she must have woke up him and informed him his help was needed. On your sake (and his), put your foot down. You not only have the appropriate to be mad, but you furthermore mght have the appropriate to make your feelings known.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also generally known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Should you are combating suicidal thoughts or are experiencing a mental health crisis, you possibly can call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org totally free and confidential crisis counseling.
DEAR ABBY: My father died by suicide three years ago. My sister, who was initially supportive, later drunk-dialed our mother and said a bunch of nasty things about her and me. Mom didn’t cut the conversation short and later told me what was said, which included that Dad had done it because my other sister and I are “unstable” and since he was sick.
I haven’t talked to my alcoholic sister for a number of years now. She previously ruined a family holiday with a unique drunken outburst. She also squandered some money I had given her for a automotive. I need to confront her, but I do know she’ll deny, deflect it back and check out to insult me. I even have no time for this.
I’m disabled with severe recurrent depression and anxiety. I used to be the one who found Dad after the suicide, and it deeply affected me. I’m floored that not only would my sister not understand this, but that she’d proceed backbiting me.
Should I reach out and tell her why I haven’t answered her texts from right after it happened? (She doesn’t talk on the phone, only texts.) — SON/BROTHER IN MICHIGAN
DEAR SON/BROTHER: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the tragic lack of your father. I can’t imagine the degree of shock and trauma finding him should have caused you. By now, you have to realize that your sister isn’t a well woman. Whoever has been telling you concerning the nasty things she has been saying about try to be told you now not need to hear it. This includes your mother. As for confronting your sister, I like to recommend against it. She isn’t going to vary. Should you haven’t been receiving help for your personal issues, it’s time to achieve out for some. You’re entitled to it. And, for your personal sake, proceed to avoid your sister and her toxicity.
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I even have been married for 40 years. Her 42-year-old son got here to live with us 4 months ago. He has never worked in his life and does nothing. I’m supporting him now. Tonight, my wife told me, “Don’t forget concerning the trash. The pickup comes early within the morning, and I do know you don’t need to stand up at 5 to place it out.” I said, “Have your son do it. He doesn’t do anything except sleep all day and eat all night.” “Well, he’s in bed already,” she responded. So I took the trash out and finished the dishes. He walked past me to go outside and have a cigarette (that I purchased). Am I unsuitable to be mad? My wife says I’m unsuitable. — IMPOSED UPON IN NORTH DAKOTA
DEAR IMPOSED UPON: You say the son is 42, and you might have been married to his mother since he was 2. Who raised him? Was he together with his father? Is there something unsuitable with him that you simply omitted out of your letter? Why is he living with you? Why hasn’t he found a job so he could contribute to his room and board?
Once you identified that because you’re supporting her son, HE and never you need to take out the rubbish, she must have woke up him and informed him his help was needed. On your sake (and his), put your foot down. You not only have the appropriate to be mad, but you furthermore mght have the appropriate to make your feelings known.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also generally known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Should you are combating suicidal thoughts or are experiencing a mental health crisis, you possibly can call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org totally free and confidential crisis counseling.
