DEAR ABBY: Fifteen years ago, my partner and I moved to a recent community, befriending a neighbor whose initial kindness and generosity impressed us greatly. When the neighbor learned I used to be unemployed, his influence enabled me to secure a position together with his company.
In an expert setting, nonetheless, the neighbor revealed a personality that was manipulative, condescending, backstabbing and mean-spirited, often reducing colleagues to tears together with his profanity-laced tirades. His was literally a Jekyll and Hyde transformation.
After a decade of his tyranny and the suicide attempt of a colleague he had mercilessly badgered, I accepted a position with one other company, and later retired to a different state. Since then, he has contacted me at regular intervals to say he misses us as neighbors and friends and would love to go to.
While working for his company financially empowered us to make future plans previously beyond our means, I lack the power to prioritize gratitude over the memories of the emotional abuse to which he subjected my co-workers and me.
My tenure there had a negative impact on my health, and I haven’t any desire to relive the experience merely to nourish his ego. My partner suggests I can tolerate anything for a couple of days. Am I flawed to feel otherwise? — HESITANT IN ARIZONA
DEAR HESITANT: When your former boss asks to go to, politely decline. If he continues to pursue it, that shall be the time for a frank conversation with him. When (and if) it involves that, express that, although he was kind to you personally, his tirades and the indisputable fact that he nearly drove a co-worker to suicide were the explanations you left the corporate, which is why you like he not visit.
DEAR ABBY: My husband of 25 years and I even have change into political opposites over the past several years. We watch different news networks and media. It has grown increasingly difficult to have any conversation with him without politics entering the discussion.
Consequently, I avoid talking to him about anything, and it’s straining our marriage. I also prefer to go to social events alone, because he brings his political beliefs into even essentially the most casual conversations with people we’re meeting for the primary time.
Have you ever any advice on the best way to address this problem? I don’t see it getting any higher after the elections, whatever the consequence. — OPPOSITE IN HOUSTON, TEXAS
DEAR OPPOSITE: Marriages can fail because a pair’s divergent beliefs about what is essential have driven a wedge between them that may’t be bridged. In most marriages, a level of compromise will be reached. If you happen to and your husband are having trouble doing that, marriage counseling may enable you to determine the best way to navigate your political differences. If you happen to cannot try this, you then and your husband have some tough decisions to make.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often called Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: Fifteen years ago, my partner and I moved to a recent community, befriending a neighbor whose initial kindness and generosity impressed us greatly. When the neighbor learned I used to be unemployed, his influence enabled me to secure a position together with his company.
In an expert setting, nonetheless, the neighbor revealed a personality that was manipulative, condescending, backstabbing and mean-spirited, often reducing colleagues to tears together with his profanity-laced tirades. His was literally a Jekyll and Hyde transformation.
After a decade of his tyranny and the suicide attempt of a colleague he had mercilessly badgered, I accepted a position with one other company, and later retired to a different state. Since then, he has contacted me at regular intervals to say he misses us as neighbors and friends and would love to go to.
While working for his company financially empowered us to make future plans previously beyond our means, I lack the power to prioritize gratitude over the memories of the emotional abuse to which he subjected my co-workers and me.
My tenure there had a negative impact on my health, and I haven’t any desire to relive the experience merely to nourish his ego. My partner suggests I can tolerate anything for a couple of days. Am I flawed to feel otherwise? — HESITANT IN ARIZONA
DEAR HESITANT: When your former boss asks to go to, politely decline. If he continues to pursue it, that shall be the time for a frank conversation with him. When (and if) it involves that, express that, although he was kind to you personally, his tirades and the indisputable fact that he nearly drove a co-worker to suicide were the explanations you left the corporate, which is why you like he not visit.
DEAR ABBY: My husband of 25 years and I even have change into political opposites over the past several years. We watch different news networks and media. It has grown increasingly difficult to have any conversation with him without politics entering the discussion.
Consequently, I avoid talking to him about anything, and it’s straining our marriage. I also prefer to go to social events alone, because he brings his political beliefs into even essentially the most casual conversations with people we’re meeting for the primary time.
Have you ever any advice on the best way to address this problem? I don’t see it getting any higher after the elections, whatever the consequence. — OPPOSITE IN HOUSTON, TEXAS
DEAR OPPOSITE: Marriages can fail because a pair’s divergent beliefs about what is essential have driven a wedge between them that may’t be bridged. In most marriages, a level of compromise will be reached. If you happen to and your husband are having trouble doing that, marriage counseling may enable you to determine the best way to navigate your political differences. If you happen to cannot try this, you then and your husband have some tough decisions to make.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often called Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
