In 1938, Harvard researchers launched into a decades-long study to seek out out: What makes us completely satisfied in life?
The researchers gathered health records from 724 participants from all around the world and asked detailed questions on their lives at two-year intervals.
Contrary to what you would possibly think, it isn’t profession achievement, money, exercise, or a healthy food regimen. Essentially the most consistent finding we have learned through 85 years of study is: Positive relationships keep us happier, healthier, and help us live longer. Period.
The No. 1 key to a completely satisfied life: ‘Social fitness’
Relationships affect us physically. Ever notice the invigoration you are feeling while you consider someone has really understood you during a very good conversation? Or an absence of sleep during a period of romantic strife?
To make certain your relationships are healthy and balanced, it is important to practice “social fitness.”
We are inclined to think that when we establish friendships and intimate relationships, they’ll maintain themselves. But our social life is a living system, and it needs exercise.
Marloes De Vries for CNBC Make It
Social fitness requires taking stock of our relationships, and being honest with ourselves about where we’re devoting our time and whether we’re tending to the connections that help us thrive.
Learn how to take stock of your relationships
Humans are social creatures. Each of us as individuals cannot provide every part we want for ourselves. We want others to interact with and to assist us.
In our relational lives, there are seven keystones of support:
- Safety and security: Who would you call in case you woke up scared in the course of the night? Who would you switch to in a moment of crisis?
- Learning and growth: Who encourages you to try latest things, to take probabilities, to pursue your life’s goals?
- Emotional closeness and confiding: Who knows every part (or most things) about you? Who are you able to call on while you’re feeling low and be honest with about how you feel?
- Identity affirmation and shared experience: Is there someone in your life who has shared many experiences with you and who helps you strengthen your sense of who you’re?
- Romantic intimacy: Do you are feeling satisfied with the quantity of romantic intimacy in your life?
- Help (each informational and practical): Who do you switch to in case you need some expertise or help solving a practical problem (e.g., planting a tree, fixing your WiFi connection).
- Fun and rest: Who makes you laugh? Who do you call to see a movie or go on a road trip with who makes you are feeling connected and comfy?
Below you will find a table arranged across the seven keystones. The primary column is for the relationships you think that have the best impact on you.
Place a plus (+) symbol in the suitable columns if a relationship seems so as to add to that variety of support in your life, and a minus (-) symbol if a relationship lacks that variety of support.
Remember, it’s okay if not all — and even most — relationships give you all some of these support.
Consider this exercise like an X-ray — a tool that helps you see below the surface of your social universe. Not all of some of these support will feel essential to you, but consider which ones do, and ask yourself in case you’re getting enough support in those areas.
the gaps on the chart, you would possibly realize that you’ve gotten plenty of individuals you’ve gotten fun with, but nobody to confide in. Or possibly you simply have one person you go to for help, or that an individual you are taking as a right actually makes you are feeling secure and secure.
Do not be afraid to succeed in out to the people in your life. Whether it is a thoughtful query or a moment of devoted attention, it’s never too late to deepen the connections that matter to you.
Robert Waldinger, MD, is a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, and director of Psychodynamic Therapy at Massachusetts General Hospital. He’s a practicing psychiatrist and likewise a Zen master and writer of “The Good Life.” Follow Robert on Twitter @robertwaldinger.
Marc Shulz, PhD, is the associate director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, and a practicing therapist with postdoctoral training in health and clinical psychology at Harvard Medical School. He can be the writer of “The Good Life.”
Don’t miss:
