DEAR ABBY: My husband of 30 years has all the time made me feel like I wasn’t adequate for him. He would flirt with other women and say things to me about an ex-girlfriend he broke up with before marrying his first wife. (I caught him private messaging her.) He has told me 4 different times that we should always separate. The primary 3 times, I cried about it. The last time he said it, I told him never to say that to me again.
I even have all the time tried my best to be a very good wife to him. He’s verbally abusive more often than not. Once I see him coming home from work, my stomach ties in knots because I don’t know what type of mood he’s in. He might be good at times, nevertheless it’s not that usually. I’m going to be 50 and I’m unsure if I need to live like this the remainder of my life. Help, please. — UNHAPPY IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR UNHAPPY: It’s essential you recognize that you just are married to an emotional abuser. He maintains his power in your relationship by eroding your sense of self-esteem. Talk to a licensed mental health skilled the treatment you will have tolerated for the last 30 years and your desire to rebuild your shattered self-esteem. It might take time to perform, but it is going to be money well spent.
In some unspecified time in the future you could ask your husband to hitch you, but don’t expect him to routinely agree. Once you’re feeling higher about yourself, you’ll be able to then make a well-thought-out decision about whether to proceed being married to him.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a 56-year-old man who has been with an important guy, age 50, for 20 years. We were married two years ago. He’s a professor; I’m a clinician. We now have spent the last 20 years constructing an exquisite life advancing our careers, traveling to 80 countries, wining and dining in the perfect places on the earth and cultivating long-lasting friendships with people all around the planet.
Five years ago, I felt a way of emptiness regardless of our happiness and talked to him about children. He was adamantly opposed. I let it go, but now that emptiness is tearing me up inside. I’m at the purpose of giving up my life with him to have a baby by myself via adoption or IVF with a surrogate. His biggest issue is how his comfortable life will likely be modified without end. My issue is getting those previous couple of drops of unfulfilled happiness before it’s too late. Please advise. — HAPPY BUT INCOMPLETE
DEAR H.B.I.: In case your husband is steadfast that he doesn’t want his lifestyle to alter, he will not be bearing in mind that with you out of the image, it is going to change regardless. And it isn’t unheard of that somebody who’s terrified of the responsibility of raising a baby can have a change of heart and fall in love with the little person after meeting her or him. If ever a pair could use marital counseling, it’s the 2 of you to make it easier to determine whether a compromise might be reached.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often called Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: My husband of 30 years has all the time made me feel like I wasn’t adequate for him. He would flirt with other women and say things to me about an ex-girlfriend he broke up with before marrying his first wife. (I caught him private messaging her.) He has told me 4 different times that we should always separate. The primary 3 times, I cried about it. The last time he said it, I told him never to say that to me again.
I even have all the time tried my best to be a very good wife to him. He’s verbally abusive more often than not. Once I see him coming home from work, my stomach ties in knots because I don’t know what type of mood he’s in. He might be good at times, nevertheless it’s not that usually. I’m going to be 50 and I’m unsure if I need to live like this the remainder of my life. Help, please. — UNHAPPY IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR UNHAPPY: It’s essential you recognize that you just are married to an emotional abuser. He maintains his power in your relationship by eroding your sense of self-esteem. Talk to a licensed mental health skilled the treatment you will have tolerated for the last 30 years and your desire to rebuild your shattered self-esteem. It might take time to perform, but it is going to be money well spent.
In some unspecified time in the future you could ask your husband to hitch you, but don’t expect him to routinely agree. Once you’re feeling higher about yourself, you’ll be able to then make a well-thought-out decision about whether to proceed being married to him.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a 56-year-old man who has been with an important guy, age 50, for 20 years. We were married two years ago. He’s a professor; I’m a clinician. We now have spent the last 20 years constructing an exquisite life advancing our careers, traveling to 80 countries, wining and dining in the perfect places on the earth and cultivating long-lasting friendships with people all around the planet.
Five years ago, I felt a way of emptiness regardless of our happiness and talked to him about children. He was adamantly opposed. I let it go, but now that emptiness is tearing me up inside. I’m at the purpose of giving up my life with him to have a baby by myself via adoption or IVF with a surrogate. His biggest issue is how his comfortable life will likely be modified without end. My issue is getting those previous couple of drops of unfulfilled happiness before it’s too late. Please advise. — HAPPY BUT INCOMPLETE
DEAR H.B.I.: In case your husband is steadfast that he doesn’t want his lifestyle to alter, he will not be bearing in mind that with you out of the image, it is going to change regardless. And it isn’t unheard of that somebody who’s terrified of the responsibility of raising a baby can have a change of heart and fall in love with the little person after meeting her or him. If ever a pair could use marital counseling, it’s the 2 of you to make it easier to determine whether a compromise might be reached.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often called Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
