DEAR ABBY: After being married overseas, my daughter recently held a marriage reception stateside. My husband and his sister were in a position to attend the marriage. I couldn’t because of great business obligations, so I used to be really looking forward to the local reception.
My sister-in-law, who lost her husband 18 months ago, sat next to me and cried a lot of the evening. Since I don’t see her often, I made some extent of giving her my full attention. At the top of the dinner, I got up to make use of the restroom, which was positioned about 100 feet away. I used to be gone lower than three minutes. I got here back, and we left.
Just a few days later, my daughter posted a bunch photo from which I’m absent. After I asked my husband about it, he replied, “You were in the lavatory.” I’m so hurt! He’s presupposed to be my advocate. Why didn’t his sister say, “Let’s wait for the mother of the bride”? Now I’m in not one of the wedding pictures, and I feel betrayed by the individuals who must have stepped up for me at that necessary moment. I cried by myself for hours afterward. Should I keep my mouth shut since there’s nothing I can do about it now, or indicate how they left me feeling invisible? — MISSING IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR MISSING: Whenever you’ve gotta go, you’ve gotta go. Yes, it was thoughtless of your husband, his sister and the bride to not have noticed or questioned your absence when the photos were being taken. But bringing it up now will hardly make anyone feel higher for the oversight. A more proactive stance can be to state that, within the future, if photos are taken, it would make sense to take a roll call. Then hope they take you up on it.
DEAR ABBY: As a toddler, I used to be verbally and emotionally abused by my only parent. I actually have written an unpublished book about my experiences. Wouldn’t it be fallacious to publish it while my abuser is alive? I might publish it using my real name. Other names I actually have modified in my writing.
For the last 15 years, I actually have not had a relationship with this parent. We live a continent apart. They never reached out even once I battled cancer. I assume I’m still feeling the results of the conditioning from the abuse. I’m 60 now, with a family of my very own. My husband of 35 years and our youngsters, in addition to a sibling I’m very close with, support my publishing the book. My sibling also suffered the identical fate. — SURVIVOR IN THE SOUTH
DEAR SURVIVOR: If you happen to feel it could be cathartic to publish your autobiography, I encourage you to do it. HOWEVER, before doing it, seek the advice of an attorney so you possibly can protect yourself should your abusive parent threaten to sue you for publicly unmasking them.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 900
DEAR ABBY: After being married overseas, my daughter recently held a marriage reception stateside. My husband and his sister were in a position to attend the marriage. I couldn’t because of great business obligations, so I used to be really looking forward to the local reception.
My sister-in-law, who lost her husband 18 months ago, sat next to me and cried a lot of the evening. Since I don’t see her often, I made some extent of giving her my full attention. At the top of the dinner, I got up to make use of the restroom, which was positioned about 100 feet away. I used to be gone lower than three minutes. I got here back, and we left.
Just a few days later, my daughter posted a bunch photo from which I’m absent. After I asked my husband about it, he replied, “You were in the lavatory.” I’m so hurt! He’s presupposed to be my advocate. Why didn’t his sister say, “Let’s wait for the mother of the bride”? Now I’m in not one of the wedding pictures, and I feel betrayed by the individuals who must have stepped up for me at that necessary moment. I cried by myself for hours afterward. Should I keep my mouth shut since there’s nothing I can do about it now, or indicate how they left me feeling invisible? — MISSING IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR MISSING: Whenever you’ve gotta go, you’ve gotta go. Yes, it was thoughtless of your husband, his sister and the bride to not have noticed or questioned your absence when the photos were being taken. But bringing it up now will hardly make anyone feel higher for the oversight. A more proactive stance can be to state that, within the future, if photos are taken, it would make sense to take a roll call. Then hope they take you up on it.
DEAR ABBY: As a toddler, I used to be verbally and emotionally abused by my only parent. I actually have written an unpublished book about my experiences. Wouldn’t it be fallacious to publish it while my abuser is alive? I might publish it using my real name. Other names I actually have modified in my writing.
For the last 15 years, I actually have not had a relationship with this parent. We live a continent apart. They never reached out even once I battled cancer. I assume I’m still feeling the results of the conditioning from the abuse. I’m 60 now, with a family of my very own. My husband of 35 years and our youngsters, in addition to a sibling I’m very close with, support my publishing the book. My sibling also suffered the identical fate. — SURVIVOR IN THE SOUTH
DEAR SURVIVOR: If you happen to feel it could be cathartic to publish your autobiography, I encourage you to do it. HOWEVER, before doing it, seek the advice of an attorney so you possibly can protect yourself should your abusive parent threaten to sue you for publicly unmasking them.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 900
