DEAR ABBY: I lost my wife of 20 years 4 months ago after a chronic illness. I retired at 62 and have become her primary caretaker. The job of caretaker is infinite and stressful, and yet rewarding. A girlfriend of a few years (“Dinah”) got here to the memorial. I grieved, attended Grief Share and browse articles about grief. I experience grief each day and can for my whole life.
Recently, Dinah and I started spending time together, including worship. For clarification, we have now never been intimate and won’t be until our wedding night (if that ever happens). The problem is how my late wife’s family have reacted. They have gotten an increasing number of distant. I don’t feel I’m doing anything fallacious. Others have said, “You must wait for no less than a 12 months.” My financial planner and I spoke about not making any major financial decisions for some time, but what is that this “one 12 months” thing? — READY IN TENNESSEE
DEAR READY: The “one 12 months thing” is identical because the suggestion your financial planner offered. The reasoning is that after one loses a spouse, the widower is commonly emotionally vulnerable. Out of loneliness, some have made hasty decisions of their romantic lives that they later regret. While it isn’t fallacious that you simply are dating, your former in-laws could also be upset that you simply began so soon after your wife’s death and regard it as “disrespectful” to her memory. What they might not have taken under consideration is that your grieving began whilst you were taking good care of your wife quite than after her death.
DEAR ABBY: My brother has been married for 25 years to “Gayle,” who has alienated herself and their family from everyone, including her own siblings, our siblings and the remaining of our family as well. She limits when, where and with whom he can spend time.
Gayle nearly at all times has a nasty comment or barb and picks someone to fight with at every family gathering. Quite than cope with this, my family and our siblings’ families have distanced ourselves, which is very sad because my brother and Gayle have college-aged children with whom we enjoy spending time.
Abby, something happened recently that makes me wonder if it’s time for somebody to intervene. My brother has an increasing variety of false memories about things that never happened in his life — particularly ones through which he has supposedly been grievously wronged by me. Please share some advice. — MISSING MY BROTHER IN NEW ENGLAND
DEAR MISSING: The subject of false memories shouldn’t be one about which I’m knowledgeable enough to comment. I do, nevertheless, know they occur sometimes as people age. Your brother could also be experiencing symptoms of dementia and needs to be examined physically and neurologically by his doctor. Discuss this with the remaining of your siblings within the hope that if ALL of you suggest this to your brother’s wife and adult children, it could get through to her. But don’t count on it if she has worked during their entire marriage to isolate him from all of you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: I lost my wife of 20 years 4 months ago after a chronic illness. I retired at 62 and have become her primary caretaker. The job of caretaker is infinite and stressful, and yet rewarding. A girlfriend of a few years (“Dinah”) got here to the memorial. I grieved, attended Grief Share and browse articles about grief. I experience grief each day and can for my whole life.
Recently, Dinah and I started spending time together, including worship. For clarification, we have now never been intimate and won’t be until our wedding night (if that ever happens). The problem is how my late wife’s family have reacted. They have gotten an increasing number of distant. I don’t feel I’m doing anything fallacious. Others have said, “You must wait for no less than a 12 months.” My financial planner and I spoke about not making any major financial decisions for some time, but what is that this “one 12 months” thing? — READY IN TENNESSEE
DEAR READY: The “one 12 months thing” is identical because the suggestion your financial planner offered. The reasoning is that after one loses a spouse, the widower is commonly emotionally vulnerable. Out of loneliness, some have made hasty decisions of their romantic lives that they later regret. While it isn’t fallacious that you simply are dating, your former in-laws could also be upset that you simply began so soon after your wife’s death and regard it as “disrespectful” to her memory. What they might not have taken under consideration is that your grieving began whilst you were taking good care of your wife quite than after her death.
DEAR ABBY: My brother has been married for 25 years to “Gayle,” who has alienated herself and their family from everyone, including her own siblings, our siblings and the remaining of our family as well. She limits when, where and with whom he can spend time.
Gayle nearly at all times has a nasty comment or barb and picks someone to fight with at every family gathering. Quite than cope with this, my family and our siblings’ families have distanced ourselves, which is very sad because my brother and Gayle have college-aged children with whom we enjoy spending time.
Abby, something happened recently that makes me wonder if it’s time for somebody to intervene. My brother has an increasing variety of false memories about things that never happened in his life — particularly ones through which he has supposedly been grievously wronged by me. Please share some advice. — MISSING MY BROTHER IN NEW ENGLAND
DEAR MISSING: The subject of false memories shouldn’t be one about which I’m knowledgeable enough to comment. I do, nevertheless, know they occur sometimes as people age. Your brother could also be experiencing symptoms of dementia and needs to be examined physically and neurologically by his doctor. Discuss this with the remaining of your siblings within the hope that if ALL of you suggest this to your brother’s wife and adult children, it could get through to her. But don’t count on it if she has worked during their entire marriage to isolate him from all of you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
