DEAR ABBY: My husband and I actually have been married for nine years. While we were dating, he was kind, considerate and loving. After we married, he become a chronic complainer, something he later confessed he had been hiding while we dated.
He talks to me like I’m trash after which gets nice when he wants something. He complains about my grown children, my best friend and even when I leave for work a few minutes early. He’s a miserable person. I cannot do anything to make him blissful. I can’t take this anymore.
He has taken the things away from me that I really like — flowers, gardening, pets, books, friends, etc. I’m ready to go away, but he has cancer and I’d feel guilty. He is evident immediately, but it’s going to come back.
I don’t wish to stay. Life is simply too short to live this fashion. He has an incredible support system together with his family. They’d maintain him. My health has been affected by him and his terrible attitude. What do I do? — WORN-OUT WIFE
DEAR WIFE: What you do now could be seek the advice of a lawyer, pack your bags and leave before he worsens. Don’t expect your husband to be glad about any of the efforts you’ve got made on his behalf throughout the course of your marriage. Throughout the time you were dating, he hid from you the undeniable fact that he was a verbal abuser. Now you realize he was a fraud. Don’t feel guilty for shielding yourself and reclaiming your life.
DEAR ABBY: My brother passed away. He and my sister-in-law had a superb marriage. A month after his funeral, my sister-in-law gave her kids their father’s clothes, instructed them to undergo them, keep what they wanted or sell or donate the remainder. It has been barely a yr. Now she’s redecorating their house — painting, taking down pictures and buying latest furniture.
This bothers me greatly. I’m so hurt that all the pieces is being modified. It’s like she’s attempting to erase him — all inside one yr! Should I ask her why all the pieces is being modified and disposed of so soon? And may I feel so hurt about this? — UNSURE HOW TO FEEL
DEAR UNSURE: Your former sister-in-law appears to be more pragmatic than sentimental, and there may be nothing flawed with that. She knew her late husband could not use his wardrobe, and saw no reason to maintain the items hanging within the closet. That she offered his clothes to her children was appropriate. That she is now making changes to the home just isn’t unusual. Persons are cautioned to not make “essential decisions” for a few yr after a spouse passes, and your former SIL has properly refrained.
If you ought to ask her why she’s changing things, achieve this in a non-accusatory way that won’t offend her. I think that you’re feeling hurt because you might be still not ready to just accept that your brother is gone ceaselessly. You would possibly find it helpful to discuss it with someone with expertise within the grieving process.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I actually have been married for nine years. While we were dating, he was kind, considerate and loving. After we married, he become a chronic complainer, something he later confessed he had been hiding while we dated.
He talks to me like I’m trash after which gets nice when he wants something. He complains about my grown children, my best friend and even when I leave for work a few minutes early. He’s a miserable person. I cannot do anything to make him blissful. I can’t take this anymore.
He has taken the things away from me that I really like — flowers, gardening, pets, books, friends, etc. I’m ready to go away, but he has cancer and I’d feel guilty. He is evident immediately, but it’s going to come back.
I don’t wish to stay. Life is simply too short to live this fashion. He has an incredible support system together with his family. They’d maintain him. My health has been affected by him and his terrible attitude. What do I do? — WORN-OUT WIFE
DEAR WIFE: What you do now could be seek the advice of a lawyer, pack your bags and leave before he worsens. Don’t expect your husband to be glad about any of the efforts you’ve got made on his behalf throughout the course of your marriage. Throughout the time you were dating, he hid from you the undeniable fact that he was a verbal abuser. Now you realize he was a fraud. Don’t feel guilty for shielding yourself and reclaiming your life.
DEAR ABBY: My brother passed away. He and my sister-in-law had a superb marriage. A month after his funeral, my sister-in-law gave her kids their father’s clothes, instructed them to undergo them, keep what they wanted or sell or donate the remainder. It has been barely a yr. Now she’s redecorating their house — painting, taking down pictures and buying latest furniture.
This bothers me greatly. I’m so hurt that all the pieces is being modified. It’s like she’s attempting to erase him — all inside one yr! Should I ask her why all the pieces is being modified and disposed of so soon? And may I feel so hurt about this? — UNSURE HOW TO FEEL
DEAR UNSURE: Your former sister-in-law appears to be more pragmatic than sentimental, and there may be nothing flawed with that. She knew her late husband could not use his wardrobe, and saw no reason to maintain the items hanging within the closet. That she offered his clothes to her children was appropriate. That she is now making changes to the home just isn’t unusual. Persons are cautioned to not make “essential decisions” for a few yr after a spouse passes, and your former SIL has properly refrained.
If you ought to ask her why she’s changing things, achieve this in a non-accusatory way that won’t offend her. I think that you’re feeling hurt because you might be still not ready to just accept that your brother is gone ceaselessly. You would possibly find it helpful to discuss it with someone with expertise within the grieving process.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
