DEAR ABBY: My husband is 38; I’m 36. We have now been together for 13 years, married for 11. We never wanted children, although we’ve got some pets. My problem is, we’ve fallen right into a parent-child relationship, where I’m beginning to feel just like the child. He enables me to the purpose that if I’m in the slightest degree distressed (i.e., doing dishes and getting frustrated because there are loads), he takes over what I’m doing. He even tucks me into bed and kisses me goodnight, turns off the sunshine and closes the door. Due to our work schedules, we sleep at different times. I find this strange.
I actually have mentioned it to him before, and it hurt his feelings. I really like him dearly, but seeing him as my “parent” is beginning to make it hard for me to like him as my husband. I actually have asked him to go to therapy, but he’s unwilling. I’m very blunt in relation to saying things, and it generally triggers arguments. How can I tell him all of this bothers me without starting an enormous fight? — ADULT WOMAN/WIFE IN MICHIGAN
DEAR ADULT: It’s interesting the way in which different people can view the identical situation. From my perspective, you married a person who adores you and desires to assist when he sees you might be frustrated with something. Since you sleep individually, he comes into the bedroom to kiss you goodnight because he loves his wife. That this triggers a negative response surprises me. Many ladies — including me — could be thrilled.
Nevertheless, because his demonstrations of affection hassle you, select a time when you’ll be able to have a relaxed discussion and explain to him how these gestures affect you. It also may be price your while to schedule a session or two with a licensed psychotherapist to offer you some insight about why you react so negatively toward your husband’s loving gestures that you just would write me about it.
DEAR ABBY: I recently made the acquaintance of a girl who just moved into our neighborhood. We’re each recent members of a neighborhood civic club. I asked if she would love to attend an upcoming event for the group and have breakfast afterward. It was a nasty move on my part, because she now seems to think I’m her best friend.
She sends me text messages throughout the day — seven yesterday alone. She continually asks me for rides to meetings and native events, often on the last minute. I’m sure she’s lonely, but I’m busy with a husband. I also volunteer for a nonprofit group and manage a short-term rental property. I don’t wish to hurt her feelings, but I don’t have time for somebody this needy. How do I tell her to back off? — STRESSED IN RETIREMENT
DEAR STRESSED: Convey that message directly — but kindly — by explaining that you just are busy with a husband, volunteering for a nonprofit and managing real estate and don’t have time to take care of the type of relationship she’s looking for. Tell her you’ll reach out to her when you’ve a gap in your schedule. Then suggest she may meet more like-minded people and make more friends if she begins volunteering locally, too.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: My husband is 38; I’m 36. We have now been together for 13 years, married for 11. We never wanted children, although we’ve got some pets. My problem is, we’ve fallen right into a parent-child relationship, where I’m beginning to feel just like the child. He enables me to the purpose that if I’m in the slightest degree distressed (i.e., doing dishes and getting frustrated because there are loads), he takes over what I’m doing. He even tucks me into bed and kisses me goodnight, turns off the sunshine and closes the door. Due to our work schedules, we sleep at different times. I find this strange.
I actually have mentioned it to him before, and it hurt his feelings. I really like him dearly, but seeing him as my “parent” is beginning to make it hard for me to like him as my husband. I actually have asked him to go to therapy, but he’s unwilling. I’m very blunt in relation to saying things, and it generally triggers arguments. How can I tell him all of this bothers me without starting an enormous fight? — ADULT WOMAN/WIFE IN MICHIGAN
DEAR ADULT: It’s interesting the way in which different people can view the identical situation. From my perspective, you married a person who adores you and desires to assist when he sees you might be frustrated with something. Since you sleep individually, he comes into the bedroom to kiss you goodnight because he loves his wife. That this triggers a negative response surprises me. Many ladies — including me — could be thrilled.
Nevertheless, because his demonstrations of affection hassle you, select a time when you’ll be able to have a relaxed discussion and explain to him how these gestures affect you. It also may be price your while to schedule a session or two with a licensed psychotherapist to offer you some insight about why you react so negatively toward your husband’s loving gestures that you just would write me about it.
DEAR ABBY: I recently made the acquaintance of a girl who just moved into our neighborhood. We’re each recent members of a neighborhood civic club. I asked if she would love to attend an upcoming event for the group and have breakfast afterward. It was a nasty move on my part, because she now seems to think I’m her best friend.
She sends me text messages throughout the day — seven yesterday alone. She continually asks me for rides to meetings and native events, often on the last minute. I’m sure she’s lonely, but I’m busy with a husband. I also volunteer for a nonprofit group and manage a short-term rental property. I don’t wish to hurt her feelings, but I don’t have time for somebody this needy. How do I tell her to back off? — STRESSED IN RETIREMENT
DEAR STRESSED: Convey that message directly — but kindly — by explaining that you just are busy with a husband, volunteering for a nonprofit and managing real estate and don’t have time to take care of the type of relationship she’s looking for. Tell her you’ll reach out to her when you’ve a gap in your schedule. Then suggest she may meet more like-minded people and make more friends if she begins volunteering locally, too.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
