DEAR ABBY: My friend “Gene” and I even have been friends since elementary school. We’re now in our 50s. We were inseparable best friends all those years. Once we were about 30, I began noticing our friendship gave the impression to be a one-way street because he made no effort to initiate contact.
Gene was gracious and alluring if I called him, but he never called me. As an alternative, he focused on friends he may gain advantage from professionally and withdrew from old friends like me. About 20 years ago, I ended calling him and decided to maneuver on with other friends who were more congenial and courteous.
You can count on one hand how repeatedly I’ve seen or spoken to Gene up to now 10 years, but today I received a graduation invitation from his son who wants a money gift for his highschool graduation. Abby, his son wouldn’t know me if I tapped him on the shoulder. To say I used to be appalled is an understatement.
I feel no obligation to send money to someone I don’t know, and even lower than that given the best way Gene abandoned our decades-long friendship years ago. How can I handle this tactfully without coming across as rude or bitter? — SHOCKED IN THE BLUEGRASS STATE
DEAR SHOCKED: The polite technique to handle it will be to send the young man a congratulatory card, wishing him well.
DEAR ABBY: I just said goodbye to my third beloved pet. Although it has gotten easier over time, each passing has been devastating, and I even have grieved deeply over their loss. When my mom passed a couple of years back, I used to be together with her during that peaceful moment. I felt sadness, but nothing approaching the extent because it has been with my pets.
My father’s time is growing near, yet I don’t feel sadness. I even have had loving relationships with my parents, but not like a few of my friends who described their parents as their rock or their best friend.
I’m fearful that I lack something in my heart, and I needs to be feeling a greater loss for humans than for pets. Please help me make sense of this. I don’t feel OK. — GRIEVING DIFFERENTLY IN FLORIDA
DEAR GRIEVING: Please accept my sympathy for the lack of your pet, and please stop flogging yourself to your feelings (or lack thereof). Everyone grieves in another way. It is feasible that you simply were able to simply accept the death of your mother since you were not interacting together with her on the emotional level your folks did with their parents. The identical could also be true to your father.
Your pets, alternatively, were a source of emotional support on a every day basis. Sometimes pets change into the equivalents of youngsters, and the lack of that “child” may be more painful than losing one’s parents.
DEAR ABBY: A really dear relative has just announced her engagement. This will likely be her third marriage. Are gifts obligatory? — HOPE NOT IN NEBRASKA
DEAR HOPE NOT: When you attend the festivities, you shouldn’t come empty-handed. Some form of gift is obligatory. Nevertheless, if you’ve got generously shelled out to your relative’s first two marriages, your third gift need only be something modest you think that the couple might enjoy.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often called Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: My friend “Gene” and I even have been friends since elementary school. We’re now in our 50s. We were inseparable best friends all those years. Once we were about 30, I began noticing our friendship gave the impression to be a one-way street because he made no effort to initiate contact.
Gene was gracious and alluring if I called him, but he never called me. As an alternative, he focused on friends he may gain advantage from professionally and withdrew from old friends like me. About 20 years ago, I ended calling him and decided to maneuver on with other friends who were more congenial and courteous.
You can count on one hand how repeatedly I’ve seen or spoken to Gene up to now 10 years, but today I received a graduation invitation from his son who wants a money gift for his highschool graduation. Abby, his son wouldn’t know me if I tapped him on the shoulder. To say I used to be appalled is an understatement.
I feel no obligation to send money to someone I don’t know, and even lower than that given the best way Gene abandoned our decades-long friendship years ago. How can I handle this tactfully without coming across as rude or bitter? — SHOCKED IN THE BLUEGRASS STATE
DEAR SHOCKED: The polite technique to handle it will be to send the young man a congratulatory card, wishing him well.
DEAR ABBY: I just said goodbye to my third beloved pet. Although it has gotten easier over time, each passing has been devastating, and I even have grieved deeply over their loss. When my mom passed a couple of years back, I used to be together with her during that peaceful moment. I felt sadness, but nothing approaching the extent because it has been with my pets.
My father’s time is growing near, yet I don’t feel sadness. I even have had loving relationships with my parents, but not like a few of my friends who described their parents as their rock or their best friend.
I’m fearful that I lack something in my heart, and I needs to be feeling a greater loss for humans than for pets. Please help me make sense of this. I don’t feel OK. — GRIEVING DIFFERENTLY IN FLORIDA
DEAR GRIEVING: Please accept my sympathy for the lack of your pet, and please stop flogging yourself to your feelings (or lack thereof). Everyone grieves in another way. It is feasible that you simply were able to simply accept the death of your mother since you were not interacting together with her on the emotional level your folks did with their parents. The identical could also be true to your father.
Your pets, alternatively, were a source of emotional support on a every day basis. Sometimes pets change into the equivalents of youngsters, and the lack of that “child” may be more painful than losing one’s parents.
DEAR ABBY: A really dear relative has just announced her engagement. This will likely be her third marriage. Are gifts obligatory? — HOPE NOT IN NEBRASKA
DEAR HOPE NOT: When you attend the festivities, you shouldn’t come empty-handed. Some form of gift is obligatory. Nevertheless, if you’ve got generously shelled out to your relative’s first two marriages, your third gift need only be something modest you think that the couple might enjoy.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often called Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
