DEAR ABBY: I actually have been dating “Gary” for six years, but he has never proposed. I’m very independent. My husband died when my kids were small, and I had to boost them and keep a roof over our heads, which made me much more independent. The truth is, there are occasions I don’t think I even need to remarry.
Gary and I like one another. We get along well and do a variety of things together. I do know we’re lucky to have one another in our lives, but there are occasions I would like to interrupt off our relationship because he hasn’t asked me for a commitment, and I still want to seek out someone who desires to commit himself to me. Although Gary says he’s committed, I do know being engaged isn’t a magical solution either. I actually have been engaged before.
I actually have tried breaking it off with Gary, but he never takes me seriously. I actually have felt this fashion for many of our relationship. I’m a counselor, so I find out about typical recommendations equivalent to attending therapy. Should I stay, or should I am going? Attempting to go has not worked out previously. I would like some advice. — TO MARRY OR NOT IN ILLINOIS
DEAR TO MARRY OR NOT: It’s time for a candid discussion with Gary about your feelings. Tell him that after six years, you wish a commitment from him, and what exactly that entails. If you happen to do, it could assist you to to make clear in your individual mind what you wish and what you’re thinking that is missing. I don’t think you wish therapy to figure this out — you just should be honest with yourself.
DEAR ABBY: My husband passed away from COVID in 2021. A yr later, after it was protected to socialize, I had a memorial dinner to commemorate him. Not one in all my seven local siblings attended. They said, “That was for his family.” I didn’t argue or attempt to persuade them that I needed them. It was terribly embarrassing when my friends and my husband’s friends kept asking to satisfy my siblings.
It’s been two years because the service and three years since his death, and I can’t recover from feeling abandoned. Although I’m cordial, I don’t depend on any of them. Nobody seems to note my withdrawal — a minimum of they don’t discuss the change in my behavior with me. I suppose I would like to “recover from it,” but I can’t. — SO DISAPPOINTED IN VIRGINIA
DEAR SO DISAPPOINTED: Please accept my sympathy for the lack of your husband. It should have been a terrible shock. Your siblings were either grossly insensitive or they could have disliked your husband. That they’d avoid his memorial somewhat than attend and be supportive has to have been painful, and your response is comprehensible.
Healthy people don’t “recover from” being abandoned of their time of need. I’m not suggesting that it’s OK to hold a grudge that might further isolate you, but stepping back seems to have been a smart and self-protective decision.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: I actually have been dating “Gary” for six years, but he has never proposed. I’m very independent. My husband died when my kids were small, and I had to boost them and keep a roof over our heads, which made me much more independent. The truth is, there are occasions I don’t think I even need to remarry.
Gary and I like one another. We get along well and do a variety of things together. I do know we’re lucky to have one another in our lives, but there are occasions I would like to interrupt off our relationship because he hasn’t asked me for a commitment, and I still want to seek out someone who desires to commit himself to me. Although Gary says he’s committed, I do know being engaged isn’t a magical solution either. I actually have been engaged before.
I actually have tried breaking it off with Gary, but he never takes me seriously. I actually have felt this fashion for many of our relationship. I’m a counselor, so I find out about typical recommendations equivalent to attending therapy. Should I stay, or should I am going? Attempting to go has not worked out previously. I would like some advice. — TO MARRY OR NOT IN ILLINOIS
DEAR TO MARRY OR NOT: It’s time for a candid discussion with Gary about your feelings. Tell him that after six years, you wish a commitment from him, and what exactly that entails. If you happen to do, it could assist you to to make clear in your individual mind what you wish and what you’re thinking that is missing. I don’t think you wish therapy to figure this out — you just should be honest with yourself.
DEAR ABBY: My husband passed away from COVID in 2021. A yr later, after it was protected to socialize, I had a memorial dinner to commemorate him. Not one in all my seven local siblings attended. They said, “That was for his family.” I didn’t argue or attempt to persuade them that I needed them. It was terribly embarrassing when my friends and my husband’s friends kept asking to satisfy my siblings.
It’s been two years because the service and three years since his death, and I can’t recover from feeling abandoned. Although I’m cordial, I don’t depend on any of them. Nobody seems to note my withdrawal — a minimum of they don’t discuss the change in my behavior with me. I suppose I would like to “recover from it,” but I can’t. — SO DISAPPOINTED IN VIRGINIA
DEAR SO DISAPPOINTED: Please accept my sympathy for the lack of your husband. It should have been a terrible shock. Your siblings were either grossly insensitive or they could have disliked your husband. That they’d avoid his memorial somewhat than attend and be supportive has to have been painful, and your response is comprehensible.
Healthy people don’t “recover from” being abandoned of their time of need. I’m not suggesting that it’s OK to hold a grudge that might further isolate you, but stepping back seems to have been a smart and self-protective decision.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
