DEAR ABBY: I’m very near my oldest sister’s three sons, especially “Lucas,” who’s 38. He and I even have communicated often and have seen one another (we live in numerous states) over time. In a way, I even have been his confidant. He knows I like him like a son.
Lucas is knowledgeable in a giant city and earns excellent money. He’s well-liked and enjoys going out with friends. We haven’t seen one another in a yr and a half, and our phone/text communications have dwindled to nothing. After I spoke with him briefly a month ago, he was visiting my sister. He shared that he was having a “hard time” and said he would call. I even have reached out, but he has not responded.
A month ago, his brother’s wife confided to me that Lucas has lost a variety of weight and has been scuffling with a meth addiction. I used to be shocked and contacted his brother to substantiate that this was true. I almost hopped on a plane to see Lucas, but it surely’s clear that he’s avoiding me.
My family typically handles things with a “don’t ask, don’t tell” strategy. I’m very much up front (I’m a licensed mediator). I even have learned much about addiction, and I’m very concerned about Lucas. I even have been having stress dreams about this. I’m also scuffling with letting my sister know, but I’ve been waiting to talk with Lucas. I’d really appreciate any advice you will have. — WORRIED AUNT IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR WORRIED AUNT: It is feasible that your sister already knows about her son’s addiction, particularly if it has wrought physical changes. Nevertheless, if she doesn’t know, I don’t think you ought to be the bearer of this news. That is something Lucas must do on his own.
I also think it will be a mistake to force an in-person encounter along with your nephew. When you would really like to achieve out to him and remind him how much you’re keen on him and tell him you recognize what is occurring, I see no harm in that.
If, in the midst of your occupation, you will have information that may benefit Lucas, by all means offer it. But freeing himself from his addiction is something he’s going to need to do on his own, when he’s ready.
DEAR ABBY: My mom is a widow and has been dating a person. Sooner or later, after they went out, I noticed he had left his phone behind. I comprehend it sounds horrible, but I snooped and located that he has been texting one other woman. He calls her “gorgeous,” offers to bring her food, tells her “sweet dreams,” sends her photos of himself, etc.
I at all times knew Mom could do higher, and I had my suspicions about this guy. I’m very protective of her. She has been through a lot. What do I do with this information? If I tell her, I’ll feel ashamed for looking in the primary place. Please help. — SNOOP IN MISSOURI
DEAR SNOOP: You have to inform your mother what you probably did and what you found. Don’t classify it as “he’s cheating,” since you don’t know for certain. Simply state the facts, then let her do her own investigating and draw her own conclusions.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: I’m very near my oldest sister’s three sons, especially “Lucas,” who’s 38. He and I even have communicated often and have seen one another (we live in numerous states) over time. In a way, I even have been his confidant. He knows I like him like a son.
Lucas is knowledgeable in a giant city and earns excellent money. He’s well-liked and enjoys going out with friends. We haven’t seen one another in a yr and a half, and our phone/text communications have dwindled to nothing. After I spoke with him briefly a month ago, he was visiting my sister. He shared that he was having a “hard time” and said he would call. I even have reached out, but he has not responded.
A month ago, his brother’s wife confided to me that Lucas has lost a variety of weight and has been scuffling with a meth addiction. I used to be shocked and contacted his brother to substantiate that this was true. I almost hopped on a plane to see Lucas, but it surely’s clear that he’s avoiding me.
My family typically handles things with a “don’t ask, don’t tell” strategy. I’m very much up front (I’m a licensed mediator). I even have learned much about addiction, and I’m very concerned about Lucas. I even have been having stress dreams about this. I’m also scuffling with letting my sister know, but I’ve been waiting to talk with Lucas. I’d really appreciate any advice you will have. — WORRIED AUNT IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR WORRIED AUNT: It is feasible that your sister already knows about her son’s addiction, particularly if it has wrought physical changes. Nevertheless, if she doesn’t know, I don’t think you ought to be the bearer of this news. That is something Lucas must do on his own.
I also think it will be a mistake to force an in-person encounter along with your nephew. When you would really like to achieve out to him and remind him how much you’re keen on him and tell him you recognize what is occurring, I see no harm in that.
If, in the midst of your occupation, you will have information that may benefit Lucas, by all means offer it. But freeing himself from his addiction is something he’s going to need to do on his own, when he’s ready.
DEAR ABBY: My mom is a widow and has been dating a person. Sooner or later, after they went out, I noticed he had left his phone behind. I comprehend it sounds horrible, but I snooped and located that he has been texting one other woman. He calls her “gorgeous,” offers to bring her food, tells her “sweet dreams,” sends her photos of himself, etc.
I at all times knew Mom could do higher, and I had my suspicions about this guy. I’m very protective of her. She has been through a lot. What do I do with this information? If I tell her, I’ll feel ashamed for looking in the primary place. Please help. — SNOOP IN MISSOURI
DEAR SNOOP: You have to inform your mother what you probably did and what you found. Don’t classify it as “he’s cheating,” since you don’t know for certain. Simply state the facts, then let her do her own investigating and draw her own conclusions.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
