DEAR ABBY: My brother and I recently discovered my father, who has been married for greater than 30 years, is having sexual relations with other men. This man accused my brother of being gay (he’s not), claims to be religious and sleeps next to my mother every night. I’m undecided learn how to approach this because, truthfully, I’m still in shock. My brother is furious.
We found a secret email address of Dad’s together with messages to men he has been meeting. A few of them describe him bringing men over while our mother is at work. He tells us he’s going to a store, to go to a friend within the hospital, etc., but we discovered that he’s really been sneaking around with other men.
Our mother doesn’t know any of this, and it was an accident that my brother and I discovered. (We were ridding his computer of a virus.) Should I say something to my father? How do I approach it? How do I forgive him for accusing my brother of being gay when it’s him all along? Should I say something to my mother? How do I get my brother to stop being so indignant at him?
I feel like I could go on ceaselessly with 1,000,000 questions, but greater than anything, I’m heartbroken, confused and indignant. Our community and culture frown upon gays. I actually have nothing against the LGBTQ community because my generation is different and I actually have some close friends who’re gay, although I don’t tell my father because he says he thinks it’s “disgusting.” I’m undecided learn how to approach this. Please help! — HOLDING DAD’S SECRET
DEAR HOLDING: If attitudes were less judgmental, I’m sure many more LGBTQ individuals could be more open about it. Out of your description of your father and the community you reside in, he should be stuffed with disgust and self-hatred. It’s not your job to assuage your brother’s anger at the daddy who projected shame of his own sexual orientation onto his straight son.
I do think it is best to have a conversation together with your father about what you discovered, and the earlier, the higher. In case your father has been doing greater than “sleeping” next to your mother, she must be checked for STDs — just as she would if her husband were sleeping with other women. Give your father a deadline by which he has to return clean along with her (if she doesn’t already know), or you’ll. Then follow through.
DEAR ABBY: I used to be recently married, and I didn’t invite several of my cousins, a few of whom are quite dramatic. While I care about them, we aren’t close, and I rarely hear from them. I don’t regard a marriage as an excuse for a family reunion, so I selected to ask friends who’re like family and who’ve demonstrated they desired to be a component of my life. I’m now getting backlash from those that weren’t invited. Was it incorrect to ask only the people I knew were genuinely glad for me and my latest husband? — NEW BRIDE IN TEXAS
DEAR BRIDE: If inviting emotionally distant relatives would have meant you couldn’t invite close friends, you probably did the precise thing. Nonetheless, if you happen to think the cousins who were excluded were distant before, you’ll likely find they could not only be distant but additionally absent in the long run. Every part has a price.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: My brother and I recently discovered my father, who has been married for greater than 30 years, is having sexual relations with other men. This man accused my brother of being gay (he’s not), claims to be religious and sleeps next to my mother every night. I’m undecided learn how to approach this because, truthfully, I’m still in shock. My brother is furious.
We found a secret email address of Dad’s together with messages to men he has been meeting. A few of them describe him bringing men over while our mother is at work. He tells us he’s going to a store, to go to a friend within the hospital, etc., but we discovered that he’s really been sneaking around with other men.
Our mother doesn’t know any of this, and it was an accident that my brother and I discovered. (We were ridding his computer of a virus.) Should I say something to my father? How do I approach it? How do I forgive him for accusing my brother of being gay when it’s him all along? Should I say something to my mother? How do I get my brother to stop being so indignant at him?
I feel like I could go on ceaselessly with 1,000,000 questions, but greater than anything, I’m heartbroken, confused and indignant. Our community and culture frown upon gays. I actually have nothing against the LGBTQ community because my generation is different and I actually have some close friends who’re gay, although I don’t tell my father because he says he thinks it’s “disgusting.” I’m undecided learn how to approach this. Please help! — HOLDING DAD’S SECRET
DEAR HOLDING: If attitudes were less judgmental, I’m sure many more LGBTQ individuals could be more open about it. Out of your description of your father and the community you reside in, he should be stuffed with disgust and self-hatred. It’s not your job to assuage your brother’s anger at the daddy who projected shame of his own sexual orientation onto his straight son.
I do think it is best to have a conversation together with your father about what you discovered, and the earlier, the higher. In case your father has been doing greater than “sleeping” next to your mother, she must be checked for STDs — just as she would if her husband were sleeping with other women. Give your father a deadline by which he has to return clean along with her (if she doesn’t already know), or you’ll. Then follow through.
DEAR ABBY: I used to be recently married, and I didn’t invite several of my cousins, a few of whom are quite dramatic. While I care about them, we aren’t close, and I rarely hear from them. I don’t regard a marriage as an excuse for a family reunion, so I selected to ask friends who’re like family and who’ve demonstrated they desired to be a component of my life. I’m now getting backlash from those that weren’t invited. Was it incorrect to ask only the people I knew were genuinely glad for me and my latest husband? — NEW BRIDE IN TEXAS
DEAR BRIDE: If inviting emotionally distant relatives would have meant you couldn’t invite close friends, you probably did the precise thing. Nonetheless, if you happen to think the cousins who were excluded were distant before, you’ll likely find they could not only be distant but additionally absent in the long run. Every part has a price.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
