DEAR ABBY: My sister has bullied and controlled me most of my life. She has said many very unkind things, and I even have reached a spot in my life where I want peace and distance from her. For this reason, I even have blocked her from texting or calling me.
The issue I’m having is that my sister texts and sends pictures and presents to my in-laws. I feel that is inappropriate. She’s married and has her own in-laws to grow a relationship with. I feel she does it to remain relevant in my life and in addition to point out my in-laws that she’s a pleasant person.
I do know she’s an adult and might have relationships with whomever she chooses, however it feels to me that she is overstepping boundaries. I can’t breathe or have a life outside of her. My husband’s family are MY in-laws, not hers. Are my feelings unreasonable? — SMOTHERED IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR SMOTHERED: Your in-laws can have a relationship with anyone they need. You can not control who sends them texts, photos and gifts, particularly in the event that they enjoy them. It’s possible you’ll feel your sister has no place of their lives, but unless they agree, you might be out of luck.
After all, your feelings are your feelings and, from what you have got written about your sister’s past treatment of you, you’re entitled to them. But to permit her to take up any extra space in your head than you have already got is counterproductive.
Talk with a therapist about this, if obligatory, to assist you quit obsessing about her. The issue isn’t her — it’s the way you proceed to react to her.
DEAR ABBY: Growing up, my best friend was a female. We had a robust platonic friendship for a few years. Our primary approach to communication was letter-writing. We wrote a whole bunch of letters and emails to one another before we drifted apart during college.
We recently reconnected after 10 years and quickly began talking like we used to. I’m excited to write down to my fellow letter-writer again, but we’re each married now, and I would like to be respectful of the spouses involved.
Is there a right strategy to revive our constant flow of letters and emails, like within the old days? The letters are respectful, and we write a few wide selection of topics that interest us. — CAUTIOUS IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR CAUTIOUS: Letter-writing is fast becoming a dying art, and it’s a shame. I hope you and your friend have been saving the correspondence you’ve exchanged because they’re worthwhile keepsakes that reflect your activities and opinions as you each have matured.
I see nothing flawed with continuing the exchange of letters so long as your spouses comprehend it and don’t object. More people should consider doing what you might be doing. I even have been told by friends (pre-“Abby”) that they’ve kept mine and enjoyed rereading them.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: My sister has bullied and controlled me most of my life. She has said many very unkind things, and I even have reached a spot in my life where I want peace and distance from her. For this reason, I even have blocked her from texting or calling me.
The issue I’m having is that my sister texts and sends pictures and presents to my in-laws. I feel that is inappropriate. She’s married and has her own in-laws to grow a relationship with. I feel she does it to remain relevant in my life and in addition to point out my in-laws that she’s a pleasant person.
I do know she’s an adult and might have relationships with whomever she chooses, however it feels to me that she is overstepping boundaries. I can’t breathe or have a life outside of her. My husband’s family are MY in-laws, not hers. Are my feelings unreasonable? — SMOTHERED IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR SMOTHERED: Your in-laws can have a relationship with anyone they need. You can not control who sends them texts, photos and gifts, particularly in the event that they enjoy them. It’s possible you’ll feel your sister has no place of their lives, but unless they agree, you might be out of luck.
After all, your feelings are your feelings and, from what you have got written about your sister’s past treatment of you, you’re entitled to them. But to permit her to take up any extra space in your head than you have already got is counterproductive.
Talk with a therapist about this, if obligatory, to assist you quit obsessing about her. The issue isn’t her — it’s the way you proceed to react to her.
DEAR ABBY: Growing up, my best friend was a female. We had a robust platonic friendship for a few years. Our primary approach to communication was letter-writing. We wrote a whole bunch of letters and emails to one another before we drifted apart during college.
We recently reconnected after 10 years and quickly began talking like we used to. I’m excited to write down to my fellow letter-writer again, but we’re each married now, and I would like to be respectful of the spouses involved.
Is there a right strategy to revive our constant flow of letters and emails, like within the old days? The letters are respectful, and we write a few wide selection of topics that interest us. — CAUTIOUS IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR CAUTIOUS: Letter-writing is fast becoming a dying art, and it’s a shame. I hope you and your friend have been saving the correspondence you’ve exchanged because they’re worthwhile keepsakes that reflect your activities and opinions as you each have matured.
I see nothing flawed with continuing the exchange of letters so long as your spouses comprehend it and don’t object. More people should consider doing what you might be doing. I even have been told by friends (pre-“Abby”) that they’ve kept mine and enjoyed rereading them.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
