Welcome to Madeira, the world’s sexiest potluck where you, too, may be its next donor.
That’s because nearly all the pieces on this subtropical, post-volcanic island within the North Atlantic including its people (British adventurers, Vikings, Arab and Portuguese sailors), was hauled in from far off lands.
The sand on its famed Calheta and Banda d’Além beaches is from Morocco. It prized sugar cane is sourced from Sicily. There’s even a 50-plus-year-old tortoise named Colombo on the Quinta Jardins do Lago hotel (from $195) that was a stowaway from the Galapagos Islands dazzling guests. And don’t even get the locals began about the ever-present eucalyptus trees, whichever bozo smuggled those in; here they’re considered wretched, invasive trespassers.
Despite being closer to Africa than Europe, Madeira is the important island of the same-named autonomous archipelago belonging to Portugal (it has its own flag, but it could possibly only be legally flown next to the motherland’s banner). And, save for blueberry plants and terrifyingly fugly yet edible fish called black scabbard, the region doesn’t have much of note that’s endemic. (Madeira is allegedly the birthplace of the ukelele, but don’t unleash that hot take around any Don Ho stans in your life).
It is smart Madeira needed to perfect the art of hospitality with a purpose to welcome in the perfect of the rest of the world to do a bit decorating. Here’s why and the best way to experience it.
He’s super fly
Yes, Cristiano Ronaldo is the John Wayne of Madeira — in that he’s a problematic male idol with a unusual li’l airport named for him. With a comparatively latest sevenish-hour nonstop on Azores Airlines from JFK to the beakless kiwi-shaped island, it’s where you’ll touch down in Santa Cruz, a fast quarter-hour from the capital of Funchal.
May the pours be with you
You’ll find out about two things right away upon arrival to the 286-square-mile island. First, despite being fortified and tasting very much the identical to the lay inebriate, Madeira wine will not be port — you may get shot on site for even suggesting such blasphemy. You’ll find the marvelous nutty, often sweet grape squeeze nearly in every single place due to the island’s alpha-maker, Blandy’s — whose potent potables are anything but — and a handful of other vineyards. And secondly, an upcoming Leslye Headland-created series within the “Star Wars” universe, “The Acolyte,” is being or has been filmed here on the DL, due to the island’s extraterrestrially scenic beaches, mountains and forests. Booze paired with blasters? You’ll be able to’t beat that.
Bed, bask and beyond
Escape the very Euro-style metropolitan feel of Funchal — narrow cobblestoned streets jam-packed with pedestrians scarfing down pregos (mad-yummy sammies) — and head to the altitudinal and gastronomic-focused Socalco Nature Calheta, which has an infinity of stairs but rewards those daring enough to scale them with stunning sea views and stray cats (from $158 an evening). Or, embrace it and stay in Funchal’s Vine Hotel which sits above a mall where you’ll find that electrical adapter you forgot to pack (from $181 an evening). That’s OK, too.
This bud’s for you
“The birds and the bees” get all of the limelight for nature’s carnal urges, but “the flowers and the trees” get in on the motion, too, don’t forget. This fact won’t be missed throughout the seventieth annual Madeira Flower Festival, running May 2 to 26, a whole month dedicated to flowers: There will likely be flower carpets within the streets, there’s a flower-themed garden golf classic and, in fact, a flower float parade. In the event you still haven’t gotten your fix of petaled pomp by month’s end, there’s all the time the 17-acre Monte Palace Madeira Garden, frilled to the gills with exotic art and 100,000 plant species from, in fact, everywhere in the globe ($16 for adults, kids free).
And for all you anthophobes, we see you, we hear you, we stand with you: As a substitute, try the Madeira Classic Automotive Revival, running May 24 to 26. It delightfully is what it appears like.
Tunnel vision
As if wine, soccer and chestnuts weren’t enough, Madeirans have one other addiction: tunnels. Mountainous as all hell, the vast labyrinth of some 153 tunnels and the nearly litter-less roads running through them must double as an MC Escher work from space. The island is an automobiled spelunker’s dream, so either rent some wheels or jump on a tour with Discovery Island Madeira to experience them should you’re a fellow fiend.
’Cuz we sled so
Uber? … Lyft? Pft, so basic. To get from must-see Monte Church (where the last emperor of Austria is entombed, long story) to Funchal, all of the cool kids call on a toboggan to traverse its downward sheerness. You only load right into a wicker sled (their word, “sledge”), piloted by a duo of carreiros, i.e. super-yoked dudes wearing all white, add a splash of gravity and boom, you’re there. Enterprising paparazzi are strategically stationed along the route — snag a snap of your 10-minute descent for just a few extra bucks at the underside (rides with Carreiros Do Monte start from $30).
Welcome to Madeira, the world’s sexiest potluck where you, too, may be its next donor.
That’s because nearly all the pieces on this subtropical, post-volcanic island within the North Atlantic including its people (British adventurers, Vikings, Arab and Portuguese sailors), was hauled in from far off lands.
The sand on its famed Calheta and Banda d’Além beaches is from Morocco. It prized sugar cane is sourced from Sicily. There’s even a 50-plus-year-old tortoise named Colombo on the Quinta Jardins do Lago hotel (from $195) that was a stowaway from the Galapagos Islands dazzling guests. And don’t even get the locals began about the ever-present eucalyptus trees, whichever bozo smuggled those in; here they’re considered wretched, invasive trespassers.
Despite being closer to Africa than Europe, Madeira is the important island of the same-named autonomous archipelago belonging to Portugal (it has its own flag, but it could possibly only be legally flown next to the motherland’s banner). And, save for blueberry plants and terrifyingly fugly yet edible fish called black scabbard, the region doesn’t have much of note that’s endemic. (Madeira is allegedly the birthplace of the ukelele, but don’t unleash that hot take around any Don Ho stans in your life).
It is smart Madeira needed to perfect the art of hospitality with a purpose to welcome in the perfect of the rest of the world to do a bit decorating. Here’s why and the best way to experience it.
He’s super fly
Yes, Cristiano Ronaldo is the John Wayne of Madeira — in that he’s a problematic male idol with a unusual li’l airport named for him. With a comparatively latest sevenish-hour nonstop on Azores Airlines from JFK to the beakless kiwi-shaped island, it’s where you’ll touch down in Santa Cruz, a fast quarter-hour from the capital of Funchal.
May the pours be with you
You’ll find out about two things right away upon arrival to the 286-square-mile island. First, despite being fortified and tasting very much the identical to the lay inebriate, Madeira wine will not be port — you may get shot on site for even suggesting such blasphemy. You’ll find the marvelous nutty, often sweet grape squeeze nearly in every single place due to the island’s alpha-maker, Blandy’s — whose potent potables are anything but — and a handful of other vineyards. And secondly, an upcoming Leslye Headland-created series within the “Star Wars” universe, “The Acolyte,” is being or has been filmed here on the DL, due to the island’s extraterrestrially scenic beaches, mountains and forests. Booze paired with blasters? You’ll be able to’t beat that.
Bed, bask and beyond
Escape the very Euro-style metropolitan feel of Funchal — narrow cobblestoned streets jam-packed with pedestrians scarfing down pregos (mad-yummy sammies) — and head to the altitudinal and gastronomic-focused Socalco Nature Calheta, which has an infinity of stairs but rewards those daring enough to scale them with stunning sea views and stray cats (from $158 an evening). Or, embrace it and stay in Funchal’s Vine Hotel which sits above a mall where you’ll find that electrical adapter you forgot to pack (from $181 an evening). That’s OK, too.
This bud’s for you
“The birds and the bees” get all of the limelight for nature’s carnal urges, but “the flowers and the trees” get in on the motion, too, don’t forget. This fact won’t be missed throughout the seventieth annual Madeira Flower Festival, running May 2 to 26, a whole month dedicated to flowers: There will likely be flower carpets within the streets, there’s a flower-themed garden golf classic and, in fact, a flower float parade. In the event you still haven’t gotten your fix of petaled pomp by month’s end, there’s all the time the 17-acre Monte Palace Madeira Garden, frilled to the gills with exotic art and 100,000 plant species from, in fact, everywhere in the globe ($16 for adults, kids free).
And for all you anthophobes, we see you, we hear you, we stand with you: As a substitute, try the Madeira Classic Automotive Revival, running May 24 to 26. It delightfully is what it appears like.
Tunnel vision
As if wine, soccer and chestnuts weren’t enough, Madeirans have one other addiction: tunnels. Mountainous as all hell, the vast labyrinth of some 153 tunnels and the nearly litter-less roads running through them must double as an MC Escher work from space. The island is an automobiled spelunker’s dream, so either rent some wheels or jump on a tour with Discovery Island Madeira to experience them should you’re a fellow fiend.
’Cuz we sled so
Uber? … Lyft? Pft, so basic. To get from must-see Monte Church (where the last emperor of Austria is entombed, long story) to Funchal, all of the cool kids call on a toboggan to traverse its downward sheerness. You only load right into a wicker sled (their word, “sledge”), piloted by a duo of carreiros, i.e. super-yoked dudes wearing all white, add a splash of gravity and boom, you’re there. Enterprising paparazzi are strategically stationed along the route — snag a snap of your 10-minute descent for just a few extra bucks at the underside (rides with Carreiros Do Monte start from $30).
