DEAR ABBY: I’m a middle-aged slender woman born right into a family of girls who’ve all the time struggled with weight. Ever since I can remember, I actually have been subjected to nasty jibes and microaggressions regarding my weight.
My siblings have all the time kept a detailed eye on my waistline for clues that I may very well be gaining. They’ve also bullied and excluded me, and I actually have long suspected the rationale has something to do with my weight. Depending on my lifestyle and the season, my weight fluctuates by about 10 kilos.
When traveling members of the family visit, I all the time hear, “You’re so skinny! I’m so jealous!” Or, if I actually have placed on just a few kilos, “You look really healthy!” Not one of the other women in my family are on the receiving end of those unwelcome comments, and I feel objectified and embarrassed by all this.
I’m greater than a body. I’m a form and caring human being who just desires to be accepted and revered by members of the family I like, despite their annoying comments. How can I get them to stop seeing me as a body and begin seeing me because the caring human being I’m? I need those comments to stop. — THIN IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR THIN: It might be time to approach these relatives head-on and say something like this:
“For years I actually have watched you struggle unsuccessfully together with your weight. Frankly, it has made me feel guilty for being thin. It’s possible that I used to be born with the next metabolism than the remaining of you, which will not be my fault. In all this time, I actually have never commented about your weight. So please, any longer, quit commenting about mine, because I find it embarrassing for all of us.”
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DEAR ABBY: My husband hates my special needs sister. He allowed her to return on one short vacation but said she was awful, annoying, and a foul influence on the children. She doesn’t curse or do anything inappropriate. She is lazy and obese, but the children love her and ask for her to return. He also screams at me if she calls, which she does sometimes because I’m her legal guardian and manage her funds. He wants me to stop doing it and switch her over completely to the state.
I like my sister, and it breaks my heart that he hates her, doesn’t want her to go to every year for just a few days, and accuses me of not caring about his feelings or listening to him.
He’s under numerous stress and just hates having her around him. Must I cut ties with my sister to make him pleased? — PULLED IN TWO IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR PULLED: It appears you married a selfish, unsupportive, controlling man who lacks empathy for individuals with disabilities. I hope you won’t cave in to his demands and desert your sister who needs you. He has no right to berate you for fulfilling a family obligation. If he can’t stand having her visit, perhaps he should take a small vacation through the few days she’s with you. Draw the road and demand upon it before he swallows you up entirely.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a middle-aged slender woman born right into a family of girls who’ve all the time struggled with weight. Ever since I can remember, I actually have been subjected to nasty jibes and microaggressions regarding my weight.
My siblings have all the time kept a detailed eye on my waistline for clues that I may very well be gaining. They’ve also bullied and excluded me, and I actually have long suspected the rationale has something to do with my weight. Depending on my lifestyle and the season, my weight fluctuates by about 10 kilos.
When traveling members of the family visit, I all the time hear, “You’re so skinny! I’m so jealous!” Or, if I actually have placed on just a few kilos, “You look really healthy!” Not one of the other women in my family are on the receiving end of those unwelcome comments, and I feel objectified and embarrassed by all this.
I’m greater than a body. I’m a form and caring human being who just desires to be accepted and revered by members of the family I like, despite their annoying comments. How can I get them to stop seeing me as a body and begin seeing me because the caring human being I’m? I need those comments to stop. — THIN IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR THIN: It might be time to approach these relatives head-on and say something like this:
“For years I actually have watched you struggle unsuccessfully together with your weight. Frankly, it has made me feel guilty for being thin. It’s possible that I used to be born with the next metabolism than the remaining of you, which will not be my fault. In all this time, I actually have never commented about your weight. So please, any longer, quit commenting about mine, because I find it embarrassing for all of us.”
** ** **
DEAR ABBY: My husband hates my special needs sister. He allowed her to return on one short vacation but said she was awful, annoying, and a foul influence on the children. She doesn’t curse or do anything inappropriate. She is lazy and obese, but the children love her and ask for her to return. He also screams at me if she calls, which she does sometimes because I’m her legal guardian and manage her funds. He wants me to stop doing it and switch her over completely to the state.
I like my sister, and it breaks my heart that he hates her, doesn’t want her to go to every year for just a few days, and accuses me of not caring about his feelings or listening to him.
He’s under numerous stress and just hates having her around him. Must I cut ties with my sister to make him pleased? — PULLED IN TWO IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR PULLED: It appears you married a selfish, unsupportive, controlling man who lacks empathy for individuals with disabilities. I hope you won’t cave in to his demands and desert your sister who needs you. He has no right to berate you for fulfilling a family obligation. If he can’t stand having her visit, perhaps he should take a small vacation through the few days she’s with you. Draw the road and demand upon it before he swallows you up entirely.
** ** **
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
