DEAR ABBY: An in depth friend — whom I’ve been urging for years to avoid wasting for a rainy day — is now facing a really real storm. She was diagnosed with breast cancer and is undergoing treatment. Knowing her financial situation — living paycheck to paycheck despite her and her husband’s high-paying jobs — I felt compelled to assist by organising a GoFundMe.
I actually have been managing updates on her journey, but the reality is, she has all the time been impulsive with money — spending bonus checks on gambling, cruises, fancy restaurants and vacations moderately than constructing a security net. Now, with this diagnosis, her past spending habits are coming back to haunt her. Many family and friends, knowing her history, are reluctant to donate.
It’s heartbreaking to see her struggle, but regardless of her illness, she still indulges in these expensive habits despite needing to avoid wasting every penny. I’ve tried talking to her, but she’s in a fragile state physically and emotionally. I feel conflicted. On one hand, I would like to support her through this difficult time; on the opposite, I can’t condone her continued spending.
I’m now planning to distance myself from the GoFundMe, since it feels dishonest to beg for donations for somebody who won’t prioritize her own financial recovery. What do you think that, Abby? How do I balance my friendship with my moral compass? — SYMPATHIZING IN THE SOUTH
DEAR SYMPATHIZING: I believe you need to separate yourself from the GoFundMe project you began. As an excellent friend, you’ll be able to proceed supporting this woman emotionally, but you are usually not required to advertise her getting money. If a recipient uses donated funds for a purpose aside from what they’re intended, it might be considered fraud.
DEAR ABBY: Our son, “Caleb,” and his fiancee, “Lucy,” are getting married next 12 months. He’s 26, and she or he is 24. Our last name is unusual and appears like a grimy word when mispronounced, which it often is. After “quite a lot of thought,” Caleb has decided to legally take Lucy’s surname after their wedding. (She and her family are on board.) He was not asking his father’s or my permission, but informing us of his plans.
Caleb is our only son. We even have a daughter. I support my son’s decision, but his father doesn’t. They not speak. My husband can also be upset about future grandchildren carrying on a unique family name. Abby, do of any men who’ve taken their wives’ surnames? — WANTS PEACE IN THE FAMILY
DEAR WANTS PEACE: You might want peace, however it isn’t as much as you to unravel this dilemma. Changing one’s name for the rationale your son stated could also be unusual, however it isn’t unheard of. Some couples determine to mix their names, as one former mayor of Los Angeles did. While your husband could also be disenchanted in regards to the path your son has chosen, the choice will not be his to make.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: An in depth friend — whom I’ve been urging for years to avoid wasting for a rainy day — is now facing a really real storm. She was diagnosed with breast cancer and is undergoing treatment. Knowing her financial situation — living paycheck to paycheck despite her and her husband’s high-paying jobs — I felt compelled to assist by organising a GoFundMe.
I actually have been managing updates on her journey, but the reality is, she has all the time been impulsive with money — spending bonus checks on gambling, cruises, fancy restaurants and vacations moderately than constructing a security net. Now, with this diagnosis, her past spending habits are coming back to haunt her. Many family and friends, knowing her history, are reluctant to donate.
It’s heartbreaking to see her struggle, but regardless of her illness, she still indulges in these expensive habits despite needing to avoid wasting every penny. I’ve tried talking to her, but she’s in a fragile state physically and emotionally. I feel conflicted. On one hand, I would like to support her through this difficult time; on the opposite, I can’t condone her continued spending.
I’m now planning to distance myself from the GoFundMe, since it feels dishonest to beg for donations for somebody who won’t prioritize her own financial recovery. What do you think that, Abby? How do I balance my friendship with my moral compass? — SYMPATHIZING IN THE SOUTH
DEAR SYMPATHIZING: I believe you need to separate yourself from the GoFundMe project you began. As an excellent friend, you’ll be able to proceed supporting this woman emotionally, but you are usually not required to advertise her getting money. If a recipient uses donated funds for a purpose aside from what they’re intended, it might be considered fraud.
DEAR ABBY: Our son, “Caleb,” and his fiancee, “Lucy,” are getting married next 12 months. He’s 26, and she or he is 24. Our last name is unusual and appears like a grimy word when mispronounced, which it often is. After “quite a lot of thought,” Caleb has decided to legally take Lucy’s surname after their wedding. (She and her family are on board.) He was not asking his father’s or my permission, but informing us of his plans.
Caleb is our only son. We even have a daughter. I support my son’s decision, but his father doesn’t. They not speak. My husband can also be upset about future grandchildren carrying on a unique family name. Abby, do of any men who’ve taken their wives’ surnames? — WANTS PEACE IN THE FAMILY
DEAR WANTS PEACE: You might want peace, however it isn’t as much as you to unravel this dilemma. Changing one’s name for the rationale your son stated could also be unusual, however it isn’t unheard of. Some couples determine to mix their names, as one former mayor of Los Angeles did. While your husband could also be disenchanted in regards to the path your son has chosen, the choice will not be his to make.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
