Let the “Games” be finished!
“Buddy Games,” which The Post awarded zero stars in 2020, now has a stomach-churning sequel called “Buddy Games: Spring Awakening.”
Running time: 91 minutes. Rated R (crude sexual material, language throughout, drug use, some nudity and violent material). In theaters.
Miraculously, this clunker is worse than the unique in every respect, but zero is as little as we are able to go. Like the unique, “Spring Awakening” easily ranks among the many worst movies of the 12 months.
The rock-bottom film series continues to be a turgid rip-off of “The Hangover,” with a gaggle of bozos boozing and drugging into oblivion within the name of masculine pride, except on this case it’s we, the viewer, who’re left with a hangover.
We get nauseous, we develop a splitting headache and we regret our decisions afterward. In fact, the most effective hangover cure, as any doctor will let you know, is to not partake in the primary place.
“Spring Awakening,” which features no singing German teens, starts with the death of Durfy (played within the last film by Dax Shepard), a member of the clique of awful friends who compete within the Buddy Games.
Those titular challenges are completely gross feats of strength and substance abuse that lead to shame, maiming and the victor winning a bucket.
A C-List actor, Durfy perished while playing the role of Harry Houdini in a movie.
“One other senseless death by the hands of method acting,” says a news anchor.
At his funeral, attended by Bobfather (Josh Duhamel), Doc (Kevin Dillon), Bender (Nick Swardson) and Shelly (Dan Bakkedahl), a mourner yells, “You’re nothing but single middle-aged losers who never grew up!”
To prove the sensible guy mistaken, they steal their fallen pal’s urn and toss it around like a football while his ashes fly in all places.
The explanation they smuggle the cremated stays is to honor Durfy by helicoptering to the beach town site of the primary Buddy Games. Their sexy spring break locale? Harrison Hot Springs in British Columbia, Canada. Couldn’t spring for Cancun?
Upon arrival, they learn that a bar called Party Marty’s has stolen their not trademarked, copyright protected or clever idea.
“You’re the Bobfather!” says a furious Shelly. “You began these games. You gotta get in there and stop these posers.”
So the idiots resolve to battle it out against young coeds, with team names similar to Bitchcraft, Trend Z and The Bad Brotha F–kaz.
One bikini-clad woman chucks a beer can at Shelly’s face and gruesomely breaks his nose, they usually lose. Hilarious!
They recover from it quickly and crash a new-age rave within the woods where they lick hallucinogenic toads and 20-somethings lecture them about pronouns and inclusivity. One character is referred to on the film’s IMDB page only as “Woke Woman.”
The cult’s leader is a loony woman named Phoenix (Carmel Amit), who traps Bobfather and Bender in a kind-of reeducation camp to make them less problematic. Shelly and Doc, meanwhile, get up at a rural whorehouse called the Panty Hamster.
Every juvenile attempt at humor on this movie, which is directed not by a beer koozie but by Duhamel, is revolting. Think projectile vomiting, toilet gags and enough lower anatomy jokes for a lifetime. And while wokeness is ripe for excoriating satire, these obvious setups and punchlines are groaners.
Over on the brainwashing cult, the bros are locked in an escape room. In an effort to get out and never be canceled, they play a game through which they place words and pictures into the right categories. For instance, “Men” goes to “Bad” and a child dressed up as a Native American goes to “Very Bad.”
I’d drag “Buddy Games: Spring Awakening” over to “Abysmal.”
