Within the vast pantheon of demonic possession movies, “The Pope’s Exorcist” gives audiences something entirely latest: Russell Crowe doing a daft Italian accent.
From the moment we first see hearty Crowe — a candidate for the least-Italian-looking person ever — riding a teensy little Vespa and zooming through Rome wearing a black hat and orange sunglasses, we all know we’re in for a howler.
Running time: 103 minutes. Rated R (violent content, language, sexual references and a few nudity.)
He plays Father Gabriele Amorth, the real-life, late Vatican chief exorcist. But nothing about this supernatural horror movie is remotely factual, save for the foremost character’s name and job. It’s a stretch even when you’re an ardent believer in evil spirits.
The entire thing is so crazy that it’s funny. For instance, the demon here is British for some reason. And Amorth discovers a “Buffy the Vampire”-like hellmouth hidden beneath a crumbling abbey in Castile, Spain. A puddle of water turns right into a hot lava gate to the underworld.
And although the true Amorth worked for Popes John Paul II, Benedict XVI and Francis, Franco Nero plays a bearded guy simply called “The Pope.” Pope Anonymous agonizingly writhes within the Vatican hospital as Amorth tries to exercise powerful Spanish spirits tons of of miles away. Como se dice, “What the hell?”
The priest, whose beard is mysteriously much whiter than his hair, is distributed to the abbey by the pope — “Charlie’s Angels” style. The constructing was recently inherited by Julia (Alex Essoe) after the car-accident-impalement death of her husband. She’s there to repair the place up and sell it to support her two angsty kids, Amy (Laurel Marsden) and Henry (Peter DeSouza-Feighoney, born to play a possessed teen in Europe).
Why was a median, middle-class American woman’s husband bequeathed an ancient Spanish castle? The less you ask, the higher “The Pope’s Exorcist” is.
Since moving in, Henry has grow to be apparently overtaken by a dangerous otherworldly force. Having refused to talk for a yr, he suddenly feels like a foul-mouthed Tom Hardy and keeps scratching his face and screaming, “You might be all going to die!”
So Amorth and a younger, barely flirty priest, Father Esquibel (Daniel Zovatto), get to work and say prayers while increasingly more people growl and are flung across the room.
In the event you think that is when the film becomes serious, re-evaluate! When Henry bites Esquibel’s ear off, Amorth remarks, “I once had a demon attempt to put a crucifix through my eyeball.”
Then the movie takes on a “Da Vinci Code” vibe, sans smarts. The pair o’ priests discover holy insignia, a centuries-old hidden chamber and make throwaway mentions of the Spanish Inquisition.
Director Julius Avery’s movie isn’t scary — ever — however it is completely hilarious. When a few of Amroth’s enemies within the church threaten to sideline the exorcist, who answers only to the pope, he hollers back, “If you might have an issue with me, you seek advice from my boss!”
Crowe — knowingly, I believe — clowns around from start to complete. Even when the horror doesn’t have you ever screaming, his Italian accent will.
