DEAR ABBY: My husband’s stepmother passed recently after a protracted illness, and her children specifically wanted our family, including our 2-year-old, to be at her service. After we arrived on the church, I attempted to take a seat within the back pew so I could take her out when she was antsy, but they put us in front with the remaining of the family.
Predictably, we lasted there for under about half-hour before my daughter began being disruptive. I took her out to the vestibule where she had a tantrum, so I then took her down into the basement playroom.
Immediately after the funeral, my in-laws got here after me and berated me for “ruining” the video that they had professionally produced of the service. They said that not only are you able to see us exiting the sanctuary, but you possibly can hear my daughter making noise outside, which tousled the recording for everybody.
There are lots of parts of this I don’t understand, like why there may be a recording, but I’m undecided what to do next. I even have apologized for not insisting we sit within the back. Aside from not attending in any respect, I feel I did what I could to cut back our impact. If it matters, my older kids sat nicely through the entire 90-minute service. Advice? — DISRUPTER IN IDAHO
DEAR DISRUPTER: It isn’t unusual for there to be sound and video recording at funerals. Some are streamed on the web for people who can’t be there in person.
The issue with 20/20 hindsight is that it isn’t foresight. Yes, it is best to have spoken up and reminded your in-laws about how short a 2-year-old’s attention span is, and yes, they need to have taken that into consideration before berating you. Even so, when viewed from a unique perspective, the sound of a young child at that sad time, although distracting, could have been a reminder that life renews itself even within the presence of death.
DEAR ABBY: I’m 42 and within the midst of a separation. My husband of 19 years decided he didn’t need to be married anymore. We’ve got three children, certainly one of whom is disabled. My husband made us sell the home we lived in, and since then, I even have purchased a brand new one.
I’m having a really hard time moving on. Since our separation, he continuously goes on trips, and I’m feeling extremely abandoned. I don’t know the way I’m imagined to move on. I’m so drained on a regular basis. Please help. — FROZEN IN COLORADO
DEAR FROZEN: You will have my sympathy. Your husband is flying around free as a bird, and you’ve been left with an enormous responsibility. Your tiredness is probably going a symptom of depression. Fortunately, there may be help for it in the shape of talk therapy in addition to medication. Please discuss this along with your doctor. Once you feel more like yourself, discuss this whole scenario with an attorney who focuses on family law and might guide you additional. You’re still a young woman, and your life isn’t over.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
