DEAR ABBY: My husband has been retired from law enforcement for five years. I can’t retire, as I’m self-employed.
I used to be all the time the one who needed to take day without work work to take care of him together with his back and hip surgeries, his mom, his dad and my mom for the past 15 years. I also took care of his kids during weekend visits.
He has spent his retirement in chronic pain. He stays in bed until 11 a.m., and has reconnected together with his highschool and college girlfriends.
All of them cheated on him or stole from him and broke his heart. One was convicted of felony larceny for stealing from a charity fundraiser.
He promised initially that he would give these women up, but for the last three years he has lied to me about being in touch with them.
He says he shouldn’t have to offer them up because “they were a very important a part of his life.” Abby, they gave him STDs and abandoned him, while I actually have stupidly been loyal and faithful.
I do know he probably suffers from PTSD and has anger issues, because he’s mean to me. But I so looked forward to having a “real” marriage once the stress of his job was over.
He intermittently packs his belongings and leaves, but he returns after just a few hours.
He confides in these women, they usually speak badly about me due to his lies. I don’t want their energy in my marriage. What can I do? — BEWILDERED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR BEWILDERED: Seek the advice of a lawyer. Then, finally, put your foot down.
Tell your husband you might be appalled by his ingratitude after the years of affection and care you may have given him, and that unless he agrees to marriage counseling, he will probably be spending his retirement without you.
When you’re at it, tell him his emotional affairs (if that’s all they’re) with women who’ve abused him are sick, and you may now not tolerate his constant lying about them.
Then prepare to depart, because he’s unlikely to vary, and also you deserve significantly better.
DEAR ABBY: I live in a small, semirural neighborhood. My neighbors didn’t discipline their kids, and now they’re teenagers.
Six months ago, I caught the younger one attempting to stand on my chain-link fence, and last yr the gate to the fence to my front yard.
This morning, I used to be mowing my yard on their side of my house and saw an ornamental piece of my post lying on the bottom.
They’re generally good neighbors. They’re great with my dog, and I don’t wish to spoil the friendship.
Should I say something to the parents, knowing I don’t have video, or should I confront their son, or neither? — TEEN-AFFECTED IN THE SOUTH
DEAR TEEN-AFFECTED: Don’t ignore this, hoping it is going to go away. Your fencepost has now been damaged and wishes to be repaired.
Start by talking to the boy who did it. Tell him you may have all the time liked him and are dissatisfied in his poor judgment.
Ask how he plans to make things right. (He could “work it off” by watering your lawn, walking your dog, etc., for a certain quantity of time.)
If, nonetheless, he’s disrespectful, that can be the time to discuss with his parents.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often called Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
DEAR ABBY: My husband has been retired from law enforcement for five years. I can’t retire, as I’m self-employed.
I used to be all the time the one who needed to take day without work work to take care of him together with his back and hip surgeries, his mom, his dad and my mom for the past 15 years. I also took care of his kids during weekend visits.
He has spent his retirement in chronic pain. He stays in bed until 11 a.m., and has reconnected together with his highschool and college girlfriends.
All of them cheated on him or stole from him and broke his heart. One was convicted of felony larceny for stealing from a charity fundraiser.
He promised initially that he would give these women up, but for the last three years he has lied to me about being in touch with them.
He says he shouldn’t have to offer them up because “they were a very important a part of his life.” Abby, they gave him STDs and abandoned him, while I actually have stupidly been loyal and faithful.
I do know he probably suffers from PTSD and has anger issues, because he’s mean to me. But I so looked forward to having a “real” marriage once the stress of his job was over.
He intermittently packs his belongings and leaves, but he returns after just a few hours.
He confides in these women, they usually speak badly about me due to his lies. I don’t want their energy in my marriage. What can I do? — BEWILDERED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR BEWILDERED: Seek the advice of a lawyer. Then, finally, put your foot down.
Tell your husband you might be appalled by his ingratitude after the years of affection and care you may have given him, and that unless he agrees to marriage counseling, he will probably be spending his retirement without you.
When you’re at it, tell him his emotional affairs (if that’s all they’re) with women who’ve abused him are sick, and you may now not tolerate his constant lying about them.
Then prepare to depart, because he’s unlikely to vary, and also you deserve significantly better.
DEAR ABBY: I live in a small, semirural neighborhood. My neighbors didn’t discipline their kids, and now they’re teenagers.
Six months ago, I caught the younger one attempting to stand on my chain-link fence, and last yr the gate to the fence to my front yard.
This morning, I used to be mowing my yard on their side of my house and saw an ornamental piece of my post lying on the bottom.
They’re generally good neighbors. They’re great with my dog, and I don’t wish to spoil the friendship.
Should I say something to the parents, knowing I don’t have video, or should I confront their son, or neither? — TEEN-AFFECTED IN THE SOUTH
DEAR TEEN-AFFECTED: Don’t ignore this, hoping it is going to go away. Your fencepost has now been damaged and wishes to be repaired.
Start by talking to the boy who did it. Tell him you may have all the time liked him and are dissatisfied in his poor judgment.
Ask how he plans to make things right. (He could “work it off” by watering your lawn, walking your dog, etc., for a certain quantity of time.)
If, nonetheless, he’s disrespectful, that can be the time to discuss with his parents.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also often called Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
